A Dissertation on the Logic Processing Levels in the Average Douchebag

Circular Douchebag Logic 101;

Any woman who won't fuck me must be a lesbo, because there is no other rational reason why she could refuse a chance to touch my penis. No healthy hetero woman can resist my manly pheremones and my penis of wondrous awe, unless she is DJ'ing at a pussy party.

Conversely

Women are ONLY lesbos BECAUSE they have not touched my penis, for my penis is magical and homo-curative. If these women gave in to logic and nature, they would touch my amazing penis and never look at another vagina as long as they live.

Further still

Any lesbo who foolishly insists she really is a lesbo and refuses the wonders of my magical penis is only a lesbo because she is so fat and ugly that no man will touch her, forcing her to turn to other fat ugly women. I will however throw her a pity fuck if she comes to her senses, because I'm cool like that.

Finally

The lesbo status of any woman refusing my magic penis is immutable and inarguable, for it is plainly obvious that my magic penis is so awesome and magnificent that were these women heterosexual their every instinct would cause them to impale themselves upon it immediately.