Self-Confidence is a Wonderful Thing

So all you lot who know me know that I am, or at least prior to my surgery was, a huge bundle of various insecurities. But whilst talking to a beloved, something occurred to me. One insecurity I haven't had since my teens.

It's funny. My sexual and social confidence has bloomed greatly since my testicle removal surgery. My body feels right, I'm happy, I feel more right in my own skin. To coin a witty phrase, I have more balls now that I had my balls removed than I ever had when I had balls, lol.

And with that blossoming confidence, comes self-realization.

And I have suddenly realized... I am actually cocky about my oral skills.

It's one sexual thing I've NEVER, since after my first time doing so, doubted or feared I'm no good at.

I mean, I've ALWAYS feared I couldn't please a lover with just Miss Clitty alone, despite her girthyness, because she doesn't always last long. But I realize now that the only time I EVER had insecurities about my oral skills was the first time I did it, and those insecurities were very quickly quashed by the woman I did it to.

The first time I gave oral, I was 19, in Vernon, with an escort. She let me because I said I'd never done it before and wanted to try. Then almost immediately refused for a few minutes to believe I never had given oral before.THEN finally gave me my money back because she figured my giving her 8 orgasms in 7 minutes was more than enough payment.

So I guess I just from then on KNEW I was decent enough with my mouth. I don't THINK it. I actually 110% firmly KNOW it to be true. Because I have NEVER given a woman oral and NOT gotten a few "Oh my fucking god!" results.

So yes, dammit, I'm gonna brag. Because I'm Penny, my tongue is divine, my lips are ambrosia, and I WILL leave you a blissful gooey puddle if you let me. Because I'm THAT damned good. And with my confidence soaring post-op, I think it's well past time I had the confidence to BE confident.

I think I've earned the right to brag a little bit after four decades of being a carpet. Don't you agree?


Fuck the Bigots and Haters, This is Who and What I am!

I have real, natural 48 F breasts. I did not buy them from a surgeon. There is no plastic, no silicon. I grew them when I turned twelve. I am very proud of my breasts, and very comfortable showing them off.

Yet TERFs will and have repeatedly claimed my being proud of my breasts and willingness to show them off, (because no cis woman has EVER done that or felt that EVER right?), is proof that I am a male crossdressing autogynophile. Despite the APA long ago discrediting Autogynophilia as even being an actual real thing. It doesn't exist. I DO.

I was born with a uterus and a penis. I was born with one testicle and one ovary. I recently had the testicle removed. I was born with a tiny vaginal opening that a doctor surgically destroyed and sealed up.

Yet TERFs, (none of whom are actual doctors or biology experts. NOT A GODDAMNED ONE), will shout in my face telling me "Intersex doesn't work that way liar! You're just a confused man!"

I have no sex drive. I rarely masturbate if at all, and prior to my recent surgery only to make unwanted erections go away. I don't date, I don't pursue anyone, I don't look for sex. I'm a Demisexual, meaning I can only even ENJOY sex if it's with someone I'm already emotionally connected to on a deeper level. I don't do one night stands or casual sex.

Yet TERFs inst I'm a "Pretendbian", that I'm a man crossdressing to con lesbians into hetero sex, to "trick" them into sexually interacting with a penis. Even though I NEVER ask or expect ANY of my sexual partners to even LOOK at it let alone touch it if they don't want to, and even though EVERY woman I have EVER had sex with knew EVERYTHING about my body going in and STILL chose to fuck me of THEIR OWN GODDAMN FREE WILL. But try telling TERFs that. To TERFs I'm just a rapist dressing in drag to trick poor unsuspecting lesbians into my bed so I can sexually assault with my evil penis.

Speaking of my penis, I still have it. This is not by choice. I still have it because a minor day surgery to remove a testicle can be done locally and all related expenses are fully covered by Pharmacare. Full SRS is an invasive surgery that in my state of physical health I would be highly unlikely to survive, cannot afford the non-surgical expenses, and cannot afford the airfare. Pharmacare pays ONLY for the SRS itself, not any travel or hospital costs outside of BC, And I would have to travel outside of BC to get it if I could find a doctor willing to ignore the likelihood of my not surviving the operation. So I long ago made peace with my penis. I'm stuck with it. It's permanent. I can either hate it and end up killing myself in dysmorphic despair, or I can accept it's just a body part and get the fuck over it. So I got over it. Besides, unless I'm aroused it looks like a normal cis female clitoris anyway.

Yet TERFs say that BECAUSE I accept my genital as is and made peace with them, it proves I'm not a real woman, because if I was really a woman NOTHING could make me accept having a penis, even though they don't think trans women who DO have SRS are "real" women either, and are thus directly contradicting themselves by saying so.

This. ALL of this. This is what I deal with EVERY FUCKING DAY. EVERY day TERFs and other transphobic assholes like MRAs attack who and what I am as a person, invalidate my body and my history, deny my personality and experience, and deem themselves more expert in who and what I really am than I myself am.

This is DAILY LIFE for me. And for so many other trans and intersexed women worldwide. This is the kind of derailing invalidating dehumanizing pure raw unadulterated HATRED we face every day just for EXISTING.

Go ahead, tell me I CHOSE to feel this way. Tell me I CHOSE to be a woman with boy parts because it just gets me horny. Tell me I CHOSE to live a life guaranteed to include the risk of being beaten to a pulp or even murdered every single day just by leaving my apartment.

Go on. Tell me that. I DARE you.

No one would EVER choose this. The only choice I ever made about my gender was to stop living in fear and denial and to just be who I really am.

I am a woman with factory extras I never asked for.

I am beautiful, strong, intelligent, compassionate and kind. I am selfless often to my own detriment. I only have sex with people I love and trust and feel safe with, and I HAVE no secrets about my body or who I am. I don't "trick or deceive" ANYONE. The women I've been with are not coerced or fooled or conned. They CHOSE to be with me. And they are not magically bi or straight for doing so, (unless they WERE bi to begin with). A lesbian who chooses to fuck me is still a lesbian because I AM A WOMAN.

I am NOT a crossdressing rapist. I am NOT a confused crossdresser. I am NOT a "Pretendbian". I am not ANY of the hateful transphobic narratives TERFs lob at my head every day.

I am Penny, hear me roar. And feel free to stare at my tits because FUCK the haters, my tits are EPIC.