My e-mail stalker trying to encourage my suicide, telling me how gross
and disgusting and fat I am, demanding I provide proof of my "bullshit
claims" of Queer Porn modelling because HE doesn't believe it.
The misogyinst pig on Pulse Wrestling who now trolls me all around the
site to call me a stupid bitch whatever I post, because I intelligently
and articulately destroyed him repeatedly and sexist infantile crap is
all he can reply with. Sexist
idiots on a mansplaining article telling me how they don't have to
listen to anything I say or take me seriously because my pic shows
cleavage, therefore nothing I say carries any weight and I'm probably
just a rambling airhead who didn't understand the article.
Particularly stupid Pro-Choicers who think being as gross, rude and
classless as possible when talking about abortion is the greatest
possible way to fight the Anti-Choicers attacking me as being a meek
stupid carpet who doesn't understand how activism works.
skeptical lazy idiot doubting my bbeing intersexed and asking me to name
my particular intersex condition, even though I had already done so in
the comment he was replying to.
Apparently wanting to NOT be a
blatantly offensive cunt and therefore stoop to the level of the
oppressors makes me a weak carpet. Apparently being open and honest
about my body's defects automatically makes me suspect. Apparently
possessing tits and not keeping them hidden like an 18th century
schoolmarm magically renders my intellect non-existent. Apparently not
blindly agreeing with a raving moron makes me a stupid bitch. And
apparently being fat and NOT hiding under my blankets every day crying
about how gross I am means I'm doing something evil and must be
encouraged to kill myself so shallow men don't have to see a strong
confidant fat bitch get more pussy than them.
Sorry but FUCK that noise.
I will make more people listen to reason with tact and class than
rampant aggressive vulgarity, and save the "Fucks" for when they're
I will continue to talk openly about my body and what was done to it when I was a baby.
I will tell sexist pigs what they're doing wrong even if I'm showing cleavage.
I will continue to trounce the moron who calls me stupid by politely
and articulately destroying his arguments leaving him with only insults
as a rebuttal.
And I will continue to be goddamn beautiful and
fabulous even when shallow basement dwelling mouth-breathers who are
likely still virgins and can't get a woman without cash up front rage at
me because more women want me than will ever even LOOK at them.
I am Penny. I have survived things that would break most people. I have
earned every single scar. I am intelligent and wise. And I am fucking
If anyone wonders why my activism when it comes to dealing with anti-gay religious right bullies very specifically attacks ONLY the bullies themselves and their misrepresentation of their faith, rather than the faith itself or it's followers as a whole, it's because I acknowledge a simple universal truth; I cannot prove my faith is true anymore than I can prove definitively theirs is not, just as a Christian cannot prove definitively THEIR faith is true and MINE is not. No one can prove either one either way. I CAN prove, by simply reading the Bible, when a bigot is intentionally abusing his or her faith to justify hatred falsely, but I cannot prove or disprove that the Christian God exists, nor my own Goddesses. Christians believe in Christ, I believe in Hedon and her daughters.
Why am I bringing this up? Because of the one belief I WILL openly attack; Aggressive Atheism.
Not the average Atheist who simply doesn't believe in Gods or the supernatural and spiritual but respects others' rights to believe otherwise. I mean the truly aggressive douchebag skeptics. The ones who actively campaign to scold, tease, mock, attack and belittle those who believe in ANYTHING that isn't tangible. The ones who are every bit the equal of the worst fundamentalist Christians and Muslims. The ones who think ONLY what THEY believe (or disbelieve) is the absolute truth and everyone else needs to fucking fall in line buster!
As my dear friend Katie can attest, there most certainly ARE Christians who are perfectly content to believe in Christ AND let me believe in Hedon. She's a leader in her church. I believe she's ordained in fact. But she has never ONCE dismissed MY beliefs, or told me I'm wrong or sinful to not share HERS. Nor have I ever felt any need to criticize hers. She does me no harm, I shall do her none in kind. Simply mutual courtesy. I have NO problem with people like HER.
Conversely I also know Atheists who are like her. They believe there are NO Gods, no reincarnation, nothing of the kind, but they are perfectly content to let those who DO believe, well, believe.
I have no issue with THEM either.
I have issue with bullies.
On the side of belief, I hate Christian or Muslim bullies who try to shove their beliefs down everyone else's throat, who demand EVERYONE believe as they do, and ONLY as they do.
On the side of DISbelief, I hate the militant aggressive Atheists, who think NO ONE anywhere should believe in ANYTHING intangible. No God, no Goddess, no spirits, no NOTHING. The aggressive skeptics who feel a need to inject themselves into every conversation and talk down to believers like we're idiot children.
I don't give a flying fuck what anyone else believes, as long as they a) keep it mostly to themselves, and don't try to force it on me, and b) respect MY right to believe different.
I don't shove my faith down anyone's throat. That's actually one of my faith's few rules; Don't force it on others. I only talk about it if asked.
But I WILL not tolerate another human being, whatever THEIR beliefs or lack thereof, talking down to me like I'm an idiot for believing differently, and trying to force me to believe like them. If I believe I have lived past lives and that Earth has a soul and her children were Goddesses co-opted by other ancient religions how does that hurt you? I'm doing no harm, I'm minding my own business, and I'm not telling YOUR children what a flake YOU are because you don't believe in MY faith, so why the hell is it okay for YOU to do it to me?
I am NOT a flake or a kook or an idiot or a sinner or a blasphemer because my faith is not yours, OR for having a faith at all when you may not.
Seriously, fuck militant skeptics. They're as big a pain in the ass as fundies. Science does NOT mean "If we haven't conclusively proven it yet it's bullshit", nor does it mean "Well, we can't 100% conclusively DISPROVE this thing, so we'll round off and chalk it up as bullshit" either. Science means exploring the unknown, NOT dismissing it.
Vancouver Rape Relief is a
supposed Rape Cris & Counseling service, but they have a LONG and
documented history of abusive treatment towards ANY woman who doesn't
fit what they define as a proper woman.
When I was going to WAVAW for counseling they had THREE FULL BINDERS of NOTHING but womens' complaints about being treated like shit at VRR.
- Punk rock girls who were slut-shamed - Fat women accused of attention seeking - Party girls told to dress like ladies - Trans women outright told to get the fuck out. - Ftms and butch lesbians told to come back when they learn how to be women.
I once called VRR for crisis counseling, before I knew their rep. The
woman I was talking to openly laughed at me, told me to clear the line
for "real" victims, and hung up on me.
I would normally never
gloat at the failing of a rape shelter crisis agency, but they have
NEVER been that. They were a professional RadFem breeding ground and
If this means they've finally been shut down? HAPPY PENNY.
thing about the RadScum, (funny migraine, not funny ha-ha), that
perpetuate this bullshit idea that only "womyn born womyn count as women
and trans women are just deluded mutilated frauds trying to violate
They're NOT feminists, they're TERRORISTS. By
the very definition of the word. They cause chaos and spread fear, and
openly advocate and enable murder to further their cause. I've seen
several RadScum not only openly say all trans women should be murdered,
but most cis men, and even culling male children.
REAL feminism is about achieving true equality for ALL the sexes and genders.
RadScum "feminism" is about genocide and exclusion. And they halve the
balls to say Trans women make them feel unsafe? The worst I've EVER seen
a trans woman do to a radscum was angrily say something like "Please go
die in a fire", AFTER being shat on and pushed and goaded beyond
belief, whereas RadScum have actively sought and concretely worked to
get Trans Women exposed to very real risk of beatings or even being
Bug Brennan for example, pretty much calls all men
and all trans people rapists, but look at her personality. She's
MASSIVELY overbearing, tries to dominate everything and everyone she
encouters, trans AND cis, pushy, demanding, no empathy or respect for
I would bet CASH MONEY there are women out there who have been raped BY Bug. She shows all the hallmarks of an abuser.
RadScum in general show all the hallmarks of classic bigotry;
- Blind vehement and blatant hatred for an oppressed group, repeated
denial of that hatred in spite how how blatantly obvious their own words
make it , (Examples; referring to trans women as deluded mutilated
men, clearly a hateful statement, which they will often, when directly
confronted about it, backpedal by insisting they really care about the
poor deluded men and just want to help them stop being so deluded and
learn to be happy as men).
- Always quick to play the victim while accusing the real victims of being the real aggressors,
(Accusing trans women of forcing their way into women's spaces, wanting
to rape cis women, us commandeering every conversation instead of them,
and swearing up and down they're afraid we'll hurt them).
clearly deluded belief that they speak for everyone, that almost
everyone believes exactly as they do, and those who don't are either
just lying to themselves or "too afraid to speak up". (Example;
Claiming that all people are secretly disgusted by trans women, and
those who support us only do so out of misguided pity, not any genuine
acceptance, and one particular RadScum who inexplicably claimed that
most women hate penetration and those who say they do are just not being
honest with themselves).
- And finally, mistaking the right to
free speech such as the right to SAY "I hate trans women and I think
they're gross", with the right to force their beliefs into law.
(Example; Bug Brennan ceaselessly and tirelessly working to oppose
implentation of ANY law that is supportive and/or protective of trans
people, and actively campaigning to make even just BEING trans illegal).
Take those last four signs of bigotry I just detailed, and apply them
to any of the anti-gay hate groups, such as NOM or the AFA. I garauntee
you will easily find multiple examples of all of those Bigot Hallmarks.
And RadScum display each and every one.
But while Anti-GAY
hatemongers like Tony Perkins or Brian Brown are very careful to never
openly directly say "Kill all the fags", RadScum have NO compunctions
whatsoever about openly and frequently condoning and even actively
wanting the deaths of trans women.
RadScum, Radical Feminists, are the terrorists in our midst. And they don't even TRY to hide it.
Since the Stuebenville Rapists were convicted 6 days ago, the internet has utterly exploded with outbursts of rape culture and apologism. Everywhere I bloody look, some idiot is whining how sad it is that those nice young men who RAPED AN UNCONSCIOUS GIRL are going to go to jail and how tragic it is that their football dreams have been dashed because of that drunk bitch, yadda yadda.
I've seen friends reduced to screaming rage fits by this stupidity. I've seen ugly things said in the name of victim-blaming by WOMEN, who should bloody KNOW better. I've seen countless articles trying to explain how this is an example of rape culture, and why it's wrong. And I've largely avoided wading into it myself because honestly, 22 years since MY rapes and rape culture has not only NOT been effectively stopped, it's gotten worse, and I can't cope with THAT much blatant stupidity.
Rape is rape and it should be up to the potential rapists to not rape, not the victims to stop someone FROM raping them. Period.
Yesterday I saw a link shared by a friend about a schoolteacher who accidentally ended up in a discussion about what rape IS with her class of 15 year old students, and realizing how many misconceptions they had about what counts as rape or what counts as consent. And how she taught her students how to not rape.
So I've been debating sharing a personal story. One I never have shared publicly before, only with a few trusted friends.
Let me make something perfectly clear. I do NOT believe I'm a strong or brave person just because I've survived some terrible things. I'm EXTREMELY uncomfortable with the praise and borderline hero worship I get solely because I was too stubborn to die. I speak openly about my juvey rapes and other traumas I've endured ONLY in the hope other survivors might take comfort in knowing they aren't alone. I don't like praise and I ask that anyone reading this please respect that and not make me uncomfortable as such.
When I was 22, and still not the bloated whale I am now, and had been living out as a woman all of 6 months, I was accosted in the laundry room of my then apartment building. A young man who I later learned was 17 at the time, started chatting me up, trying to put the moves on me. I tried to be as polite but firm as I could, telling him very clearly I was NOT interested in any way.
This answer wasn't good enough for him, and he started trying to kiss me and squeeze my breasts. I pushed him away forcefully and repeatedly my distinct lack of consent. It was an instinct move, not particularly thought through, and after doing so it only then occurred to me he might react violently to being rebuffed, and so I braced myself for an attack.
But he just looked at me in confusion, and asked me why I did that. I told him because I had clearly said NO.
Still confused he said "But girls only say no so they won't seem like sluts. My big bro said so."
I irritatedly replied telling him no, women say NO because they MEAN no, and his brother was a sexist prick. Then I told him to leave or I'd scream.
STILL looking terribly confused, he pleaded that we were having a nice conversation and I was so pretty and I'm supposed to want him to sweep me off my feet and ravish me like in the movies. You know, all romantic and shit.
I replied that rape is NOT romantic and movies lie.
When he heard rape he started to cry. "You thought I was trying to rape you?" he said, visibly hurt by the very thought. And that was when I truly fully realized what rape culture really means. That this 17 year old kid had gotten so confused and twisted up by the messages of Rape Culture in society that the thought he might be hurting me or committing rape had never once occurred to him, and he was horrified by the idea that this was how I saw his actions.
I don't know why I did what I did next. I really don't. I've wondered for years what the hell possessed me.
I held him until he stopped crying, and I took him to Starbucks to explain to him how consent works in the real world and why what he almost dd was wrong.
I learned his older sister had been raped when he was little but he never really understood what that meant, only that it screwed her up a lot. That he was kind of afraid of his older brother and was always trying to earn his approval. That he honestly believed the combination of his brother's macho BS and the way love and sex are portrayed in movies and believed that what he did was the way a man is supposed to seduce a woman. He apologized profusely and cried again, rather a lot, when I carefully and calmly explained to him what I'd endured in Juvey (without letting him in on my being trans/IS, I'm not THAT stupid), and how it affected me, and that his sister likely felt the same.
I explained to him that in the real world, a woman only means yes if she clearly SAYS yes, that anything else should be assumed to be NO unless explicitly stated. I explained why his brother's approval wasn't something worth striving for.
We talked there for two hours, and he was grateful for my educating him. The thought of his sister hating him had he gone through with it bothered him a LOT more than failing to meet his brother's standards.
That boy entered the police academy the next year, is currently with an RCMP sex crimes unit, and is married with three children. He named his daughter after me. He still calls me every year on the anniversary of that day to thank me for setting him straight.
So.... rape culture CAN be fought. It CAN be counteracted, even when it feels like nothing will ever change.
Sometimes all it takes is to just educate people while they're still young enough to get it.
So have a little faith. They CAN be taught.
(Note to James my Obsessed Whacko Stalker; Yes, it DID happen, NOTHING I say is bullshit, unlike you, and I will keep deleting everything you post to this blog and laugh at your sad impotent Gradschool crush on me. Toodlepip)
Maury Povitch is a piece of shit. His show is a piece of shit. This is no secret. Anyone who knows me well knows I think this.
So imagine my surprise when Alvin McEwan, author of the blog Holy Bullies and Headless Monsters, cheerfully shared a link on Facebook to a trashy buzzfeed list of "The 45 greatest Maury Show" moments which declares it the best daytime talk show ever.
Maury, which offers free DNA testing to dirt poor black women in order to coax them into enduring public slut-shaming and humiliation to receive answers they otherwise could never afford.
Maury, which collects actual trans women, puts them onstage with a few token cis women and a few drag queens and crossdressers, and humiliates THEM by having the audience guess if they're really a man or a woman, often misgendering and ALWAYS abusive in their chanting.
Maury, a show that NO self-respecting LGBT person should watch or enjoy because it's dehumanizing transphobic trash. And while we're at it has never been super nice to gays or lesbians either.
There's a reason there are so very few gay men I can stand to interact with. Most I've met are self-absorbed misogynist assholes. One guy commented on Alvin's link that he laughs everytime Maury confirms a guy is NOT the father of a woman's baby and she runs offstage crying.
Get that folks?
This guy LAUGHS watching a hurting mother who just wants answers crying. Then thought I was kidding when I told him what a terrible person that makes him.
But then Alvin chimed in. And proved himself no different from the majority. He commented that "Any woman who hasn't found the father after 3 tries should stop embarassing herself".
And he thinks that's NOT slut-shaming.
Let's dissect here kids.
As I already pointed out, the Maury shows pays for DNA paternity tests. Why is this important? Because Maury almost UNIVERSALLY picks young poor black women from impoverished neighborhoods for his show.
The average price for a legal paternity test is $450 to $500, but there
is a wide range in pricing. However, a properly conducted and accurate
paternity test should not cost more than $550. The more rigorously
controlled laboratories are likely to have higher internal costs that
may subsequently be passed along to their clients. Naturally, it costs
more to run a highly controlled, consistent testing laboratory than it
does to perform inferior tests with poor processes and/or obsolete
How many dirt-poor inner city black single mothers do YOU think can afford that crap while trying to feed their babies?
So I repeat; these poor women, whose only crime is being poor and having *GASP!!!!* a sex life, agree to endure the humiliation so they can get answers they could otherwise NEVER FUCKING AFFORD!
And Alvin, not only a gay man but a black man, acts like any woman having had sex with three or more guys to require paternity tests for should give up their search for answers and "stop embarassing themselves".
And he doesn't think he's slut-shaming.
And that's why he's no longer on my Facebook. Or on this blog's Side Bar.
I would rather DIE than EVER go to Surrey Memorial Hospital here in Surrey BC Canada EVER again. That hospital is staffed mostly by self-absorbed bigoted incompetant assholes who don't care about their patients unless you're rich and/or cis & white.
I had to go to emergency last night because of ridiculously excruciating pain last night and it was a very bitter experience. Though given my history with SMH AND their already horrid reputation for racism and transphobia, I'm not at all surprised.
First, NO ONE would respect my wish to be called Penny. Staff would bellow my legal name in the waiting room extra loudly then make sad excuses why they somehow didn't see the big note that said "Refer to as Penny". Nurses gave me dirty looks all night. Of ALL the staff there last night, only 2 nurses and 1 volunteer were ANY help to me, or did their damn jobs.
The first doctor I saw tapped my arm twice and dismissed me as perfectly okay without doing ANY tests other than an X-Ray. He dismissed it as a pinched nerve in my NECK somehow, cutting me off, talking over me and ignoring everything I said to him about what hurt, where and why. Then despite knowing that I had already taken FOUR morphines yesterday because of the crippling pain, that those 4 morphines had ZERO effect on the wrist pain, which in fact was getting worse, and being clearly told I did NOT want ANY painkillers, just to have my wrist treated, he discharged me without telling me while calling me by male pronouns to his staff, probably assuming I couldn't hear him.
I stood my ground asking to be readmitted and see a different doctor while EVERYONE adamantly refused to give me the first Doctor's name so I could file a complaint. Apparently they fuck up so often at SMH now that it's officially policy to not give patients ANY names. No doctor introduced themselves by name, no nurses had nametags, and for two hours I was given the runaround until someone finally informed me of the No Names policy. One nurse got uppity with me for accusing them of giving me a runaround until I pointed out he himself had pretended he was trying to find me the first Doctor's name and stalling me hoping I'd drop it.
The second doctor tried the same crap as the first until I looked him in the eye and demanded to be actually listened to. He refused to drain my ganglion cyst, blatantly lying to my face claiming they don't drain cysts there, which I know for a FACT is bullshit because I have HAD cysts drained in their emergency department before.
He ordered bloodwork and an Anti-Inflammatory. Then while waiting for my bloodwork, I noticed a leather laptop case that an earlier patient had his Tablet in and forgotten, checked to find his tablet still in it, and turned it in to the Nurses telling them exactly which patient had forgotten it. I was VERY clear in telling them who it belonged to, describing the now discharged patient and explaining how I knew the case and tablet PC were his.
They just left it on their counter. 2 hours later a rich white man in a suit who'd been sitting there just walked right up and grabbed it over my shoulder when their backs were turned, and hid it under his coat. Sat there smugly in his tuxedo, and gave me a look practically daring me to say something.
So I reported him. To 3 nurses, a security guard an a doctor. NOT A FUCKING ONE OF THEM would go confront the guy. NONE of them were willing to do the right thing. I'm guessing the rich white guy was a hospital donor or something.
"Oh well WE didn't see it so we're not going to worry about it."
Even though I DID see it. Even though they admitted the tablet was no longer on the counter yet no one had spoken to them to claim it. Even though I was RIGHT there TELLING them what happened. Their attitude was hey it wasn't MY tablet so I should just shut up.
When I pushed them to do the right thing I was ejected from the hospital.
This is not the first abuse I've suffered at the hands of SMH. A few years back one of their male nurses threatened to beat me up in the parking lot for using the women's bathroom to get my pee test. IN FRONT of the other staff. The doctor I complained to then dismissed it as "Boys will be boys", including ME in that sentiment.
The staff of SMH are the reason Fran is going back to the US. Someone there ratted her out to immigration.
And they have a history of hurting people who aren't cis and white, including an elderly Sikh man some years ago who was told he just had a bad cold without any examination and sent home, only to be dead two days later of a burst appendix, something they could have caught had they cared to do their fucking jobs.
And somehow they always get off scot-free. They NEVER suffer any real consequence for this bullshit, and they keep on doing it.
Unless you're cis, white and rich, NEVER go to Surrey Memorial Hospital. They WILL NOT treat you properly and they WILL NOT give a fuck about you. They do not CARE about doing what's right, only about protecting their own asses.
Surrey Memorial hospital is the worst hospital in the Lower Mainland. If ever a hospital deserved to be shut down, it's this one.
Hedon is a forgotten religion that is slowly reviving in the present thanks to several dedicated people who believe there needs to be a free-will and sex-positive alternative to the repression of the big leagues.