Today in "Oh FFS REALLY???!!!"

So people on Tumblr and Twitter are all in a tizzy complaining that Fox is Ablest because Ryan Reynolds' version of Deadpool won't be schizophrenic.

There are 3 problems with this that make me want to smack people for derailing far more important conversations with a misplaced whinefest that actually has NO ablesm to protest.

1) The ACTUAL announcement from Fox was simply that Deadpool would not be having conversations with his colour-coded word balloons as in the comics. Which makes sense, because it's an action movie, and making the audience do that much reading to keep up will just ruin the pacing of the film. They did NOT announce, as the angry folks claim "Oh yeah Deadpool will be crazy in our film but not THAT crazy haw haw haw". They ONLY said they will not use a particular comic book aesthetic that simply would not translate well to film.

2) It has not once, EVER in the comics been said that Deadpool actually suffers legitimately FROM Schizophrenia. He's been CALLED Schizo as an insult, (which frankly is WAY more Ablest than anything people are having fits about), but Marvel has NEVER ONCE claimed that Wade Wilson was Schizophrenic, nor has he in any comic claimed it of himself. His insanity has always been explained as a side effect of the excessively painful process that made him basically immortal.

3) It would be far more offensive if the comics HAD claimed he was Schizophrenic, because I KNOW people with schizophrenia and, once again kids, SCHIZOPHRENIA DOES NOT ACTUALLY WORK THAT WAY! While most, not all but most Schizophrenics do hear voices when unmedicated, but they are not clear, distinct recurring voices with a clear distinct personality like the voices portrayed by the word balloons in Deadpool's comic appearance. THAT would be Dissociative Identity Disorder. Schizophrenic voices are generally described as a cacophonic jumble of indistinct white noise, like a crowd having multiple conversations around you and you're unable to make out any one distinct conversation. It would be far more ablest and insensitive TO call Deadpool a Schizophrenic than to say he isn't.

There is SO much ACTUAL Ablesm in the media you Tumblr/Twitter folks could be calling out, let alone all the racism and transphobia and POC's being murdered by cops. PLEASE stop Grampa Simpsoning like this over an issue YOU MADE UP IN YOUR OWN HEADS.

The Deadpool movie is NOT being Ablest by supposedly not portraying Wade as Schizo. YOU are Ablest for insisting he MUST be.


Dear Trans Exclusionary Lesbians

Just so we're clear; if you're a cis woman who identifies as a lesbian and you refuse to even consider dating a trans woman solely because of her genital configuration? Solely because you'll only fuck other women if they have a vagina? Who will happily tell yourselves that trans man you're fucking is just a really butch dyke and not a man?

Congratulations! You are not actually a lesbian! You are a vagina fetishist!

"Lesbian" means "woman who is sexually attracted to/romantically interested in other women". Trans women are women. Trans men are men. If you claim to be a lesbian but you are willing to date/fuck trans men while absolutely refusing to do so with trans women, you are not a real lesbian. If you care more about a pussy being in your face than about the fact that you're dating a man who happens to have one, you are not a lesbian. If you were hot for that cute chick at the bar until she said she had a penis, YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING LESBIAN. You are a fetishist obsessed with vaginas and you have ZERO clue what lesbian love truly is. 

A lesbian loves women. Period. That is literally what being a lesbian mean.

You're not a lesbian. You're a hetero porn cliche.

Let's make a point here shall we?

Assuming you identify as a lesbian, look at these two pictures and tell me which one you're more likely to want to date, fuck, or maybe even marry someday.

  If you said the woman on the left without any hesitation? HUZZAH!!! You are, thus far, a healthy normal lesbian.


Let's ask again, this time let's ask that same question, except now we'll point out that, duh, both of these people are trans, and you have no way of knowing what you might find in their underwear. Or let's go a step further, and assume that both of these people are pre or non-op. The woman has a penis and the man has a vagina. She's still the same woman you were attracted to just a minute ago, and he's still the man that you didn't even give a second thought to before you knew what was in their pants.

Are you still more likely to date the woman? Do you care more about who a person is than how a tiny section of their flesh is arranged? Congratulations! You ARE a real lesbian!

But... if your answer changed? If you decided you'd rather fuck the guy with the beard than the beautiful woman? You're not really a lesbian. You care more about body parts than people. YOU ARE TRANSPHOBIC, no matter what you tell yourself to the contrary. No matter what intellectual hoops you jump through to justify your skewed shallow preference.

And you really need to ask yourself WHY your preference is so focused on body parts instead of the person who owns them.

But the bottom line is that if your dating criteria puts the contents of someone's underwear above all else on your list of criteria, you're not a lesbian, and you need to take a good long look in the mirror.


An Example of Ingrained Social Racism I Just Realized

I've noticed a subtle example of ingrained socialized racism while watching this past Sunday's episode of Jon Taffer's "Bar Rescue".

While I was cooking dinner, listening to the show in the background, I heard the narrator begin to introduce the chef Jon was bringing in to help the failing bar of the week. The moment the narrator described the chef's style of cooking as "soulful" I knew without even having to look at the screen the chef was black. Why?

Because on Bar Rescue whenever Jon brings in a chef who happens to be black, the narrator describes their cooking as soulful, as in "soul food". When the chef is white, the buzzword of choice is "elevated". Latino chefs always have food with a "zesty kick". And never ever does the narrator mix it up.

This to me shows a very mild and subtle example of ingrained racism. Assuming the Narrator is simply reading copy in front of him in the recording booth, whomever writes that copy writes it with some preconceived racist notions so subtle I doubt they even notice they're doing it. Certain descriptors that have over time somehow become tied to different races.

Is it necessarily inaccurate that soul food is most often cooked by black cooks, or that Latino cooking is traditionally more spicy? No. Those are the sorts of stereotypes that exist because they are often actually accurate. Where it truly slips into racism though, however unintended it may be, is that the only ethnicity that ever has their cooking described as "elevated" are the white chefs. THAT'S where the subconscious stench of culturally ingrained racism begins to seep in.

Because this kind of racism is so ingrained, so sewn in to the social consciousness, that it just seems perfectly normal to describe the white chefs as cooking the "elevated" dishes, and almost no one ever even notices. We all just kind of shrug it off. It rarely registers with most people, regardless of their race, that what they're hearing is kinda broken and problematic, because we've all been subtly conditioned to see this kind of thing as simply normal. And it's damned hard to unsee it. I've been watching Bar Rescue for all 6 seasons, and only JUST realized this.

And that's why racism ends up being so difficult to fight, to beat, to eradicate.

Anyone can see the problem when a neo-nazi shouts "ni**er" on a street corner. Those are the big blunt examples. We all know that's wrong. But we can't succeed in fighting the big loud examples if we can't get ourselves to see the subtle tiny ones. Because it's the subtle tiny ones we all just blindly accept that give the bigger ones the room to keep festering until they thrive.


A Message For Piers Morgan and All Other Rape Apologists

Fuck you to EVERY SINGLE PERSON laughing at Shia LeBeouf.

Fuck you to EVERY SINGLE PERSON gleefully cackling about how he isn't following the Good Rape Victim Script (™ & ©) of how survivors are "supposed" to behave if they're telling the truth.

Fuck you to Piers Morgan, who was already a shitmaggot to begin with, for all but ordering his millions of followers to not believe Shia and to ridicule him.

Fuck you to all the salivating rape apologists desperate to protect rape culture who are jumping on Shia because they think the SJW's will only cry foul if they attack female survivors who fail to realize that their rape apologism makes them pondscum regardless of the gender/biology of the victim they're shitting on.

Fuck you if you utter any of the following things when discussing Shia's claims;

- "Pfft, men can't be raped"
- "If it REALLY happened he'd have called the police"
- "REAL survivors aren't so calm when discussing it. REAL survivors are weepy and trembly when they talk about it"
- "Oh he's just saying it to get attention, what a drama queen he is"

And most importantly, fuck you, just seriously fuck you right in the ear to high hell, if you just automatically dismiss his claim for ANY reason, because that is perpetuating Rape Culture, and if you willfully perpetuate rape culture I don't want to fucking know you.

I believe Shia LeBeouf. I believe ALL people of ANY gender who are brave enough to step forward in this world that shames and shits on survivors and say out loud "I was raped".


The Latest Sleazy Bullshit from MRAs/GamerGaters

So... the latest skeevy ploy from MRAs and GamerGaters to vilify the women and men who call out their misogyny? Accuse SJW's of being Pro Child Molestation because of a 4 year old Gawker article that had the guts to be publicly saying that pedophiles need serious therapy.

Yes, because being mature enough to acknowledge pedophiles are sick and need help is TOTES the same thing as being pro kiddie diddling. *smacks self*

Seriously, the logical fallacy and cognitive hoop-jumping dissonance required to make such a mindnumbingly idiotic leap astounds me. That's like saying I'm pro rape if I say rapists need serious psychiatric help. Supporting a sick offender needing psychiatric intervention is NOTHING EVEN REMOTELY the same as supporting their crimes. Only the hugest and densest of complete fucking idiots would make such a connection.

I was molested. Would these idiots REALLY say I'm "Pro-molestation" if I say my uncle needed help? Because if he'd gotten psychiatric help for his urges? HE MIGHT NOT HAVE FUCKING EVER HURT ME IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE!!! He might ALSO not be dead now, as he was found having hung himself in a closet when he was 17. His urges CLEARLY bothered him with guilt and no one on my father's side of my family was listening to his cries for help or trying to help him or even acknowledging anything was wrong.

How is that so goddamn hard for the MRAs and the GamerGaters who hate SJW's so much to fucking understand? Easy. They understand it perfectly well. But they also know how easy it is to just say "child-molester" and get the average joe riled up with blind rage. What this is, is blatant and intentional misrepresentation of ONE article to vilify the entire movement, to paint a distraction target on the people they fear for calling out their privilege, so others will stop focusing on THEM.

This is a bunch of selfish sexist manchild assholes lashing out with made-up bullshit because they're comfortable at the top of the food chain and don't want to have to grow up or share their toys.

And like EVERYTHING else Gamergaters and MRAs say or do, it is morally and intellectually dishonest, and frankly, outright repulsive.


In the Event of My Suicide

None of you are going to like this post, but I'm posting it anyway to give you all fair warning.

Some of you may have noticed a significant drop in how chatty I am of late. Those of you who used to get PM'sd from me daily now talk to me more and more rarely. I post less on Facebook and just straight share more without adding my commentary. How I've just been slowly getting less and less my chatty mouthy self.

You all know I'm basically terminally ill. I suffer from a laundry list of ailments that, individually aren't lethal if properly treated, like my diabetes (which is actually well controlled), or my epilepsy, but that, altogether with my Porphyria and my Fibro mean it's only a matter of time before my life becomes physically unlivable.

I've spoken before about my daily thoughts of suicide just to escape the physical suffering I endure every day, that I keep fighting through it and don't kill myself so I don't hurt all of you.

Most of you though, have, and I'm certain it was not easy for you to say, given me your blessing to do what's best for me even if it results in your sadness. Even my own mother Trish, who has already outlived two of my brothers, has looked me in the eye and told me that she gives me her blessing to end my suffering when it reaches a point where I feel I just don't have it in me to keep fighting.

Well that point is getting very close. I decided awhile back that when I devolve to the point where the pain is so constant and excruciating and crippling that I;

- Can't move even the littlest bit without verbally reacting to the pain
- spend more of my days crying unmoving than doing ANYTHING else at all
- can't wipe my own ass properly
- Can't stand up straight
- Can't walk more than 5 feet without tears
- Can't cook even the simplest meals for myself without getting completely exhausted
- basically when I can no longer take care of myself or my pets without assistance

Well, that's when I start making sure all my pets have good loving homes, make arrangements for my body, make my goodbye videos for everyone I love and care about, and end my life on my terms while I still have some dignity left.

And I'm sorry, I truly am, but my health is declining worse than ever, more rapidly, and I genuinely believe that time is not very far away.

Wiping in the bathroom has become a struggle. I can still DO it, but not without tears. I struggle physically just to get out of my bed to go do anything. I have to give up my more involved cooking, as standing over the counter for the prep work leaves me screaming, sobbing and exhausted. Even simpler things like slicing cheese for grilled cheese sandwiches or beating eggs for scrambled eggs exhaust me now. My weight is going up again because walking hurts too much to go out every night anymore. Sometimes I end up in tears just reaching out to pet one of my cats. Everything hurts and it never eases up anymore. I used to have high pain and low pain days. I haven't had a functional low-pain day in weeks. And pain medication has no effect. My doctor recently upgraded me to HydroMorphine, the most powerful pain medication a doctor can legally prescribe in Canada. And it does NOTHING. So I've given up all hope of treatment.

I honestly don't know how much time I have left before I devolve to the point that I've described. It may still be months away. But we ARE talking months, not years. Unless something happens and my health takes a sudden and unlikely upswing, I'm almost out of spoons.

So I'm giving everyone fair warning now. I'm going to be recording goodbye videos for those who matter most to me and making arrangements for the DVD's I make to be mailed to those who matter. If you want such a video after I'm gone, I'm going to need mailing addresses. And if you want to be on the list of people to be notified afterwards, I'll need e-mails and/or phone numbers. Whichever you feel most comfortable with. And I'll be giving my mom these arrangements to make sure everyone who matters is on the list, so no one is left wondering why one day I just stopped talking to everyone.

If you want to be on my "Notification of my Passing" list, or to receive a DVD Goodbye video from me personally, please e-mail the appropriate contact information to theaerie@shaw.ca and you will be added to the list.

I'm sorry.

I love you all.


Self-Confidence is a Wonderful Thing

So all you lot who know me know that I am, or at least prior to my surgery was, a huge bundle of various insecurities. But whilst talking to a beloved, something occurred to me. One insecurity I haven't had since my teens.

It's funny. My sexual and social confidence has bloomed greatly since my testicle removal surgery. My body feels right, I'm happy, I feel more right in my own skin. To coin a witty phrase, I have more balls now that I had my balls removed than I ever had when I had balls, lol.

And with that blossoming confidence, comes self-realization.

And I have suddenly realized... I am actually cocky about my oral skills.

It's one sexual thing I've NEVER, since after my first time doing so, doubted or feared I'm no good at.

I mean, I've ALWAYS feared I couldn't please a lover with just Miss Clitty alone, despite her girthyness, because she doesn't always last long. But I realize now that the only time I EVER had insecurities about my oral skills was the first time I did it, and those insecurities were very quickly quashed by the woman I did it to.

The first time I gave oral, I was 19, in Vernon, with an escort. She let me because I said I'd never done it before and wanted to try. Then almost immediately refused for a few minutes to believe I never had given oral before.THEN finally gave me my money back because she figured my giving her 8 orgasms in 7 minutes was more than enough payment.

So I guess I just from then on KNEW I was decent enough with my mouth. I don't THINK it. I actually 110% firmly KNOW it to be true. Because I have NEVER given a woman oral and NOT gotten a few "Oh my fucking god!" results.

So yes, dammit, I'm gonna brag. Because I'm Penny, my tongue is divine, my lips are ambrosia, and I WILL leave you a blissful gooey puddle if you let me. Because I'm THAT damned good. And with my confidence soaring post-op, I think it's well past time I had the confidence to BE confident.

I think I've earned the right to brag a little bit after four decades of being a carpet. Don't you agree?