A Hospital in Name Only

I would rather DIE than EVER go to Surrey Memorial Hospital here in Surrey BC Canada EVER again. That hospital is staffed mostly by self-absorbed bigoted incompetant assholes who don't care about their patients unless you're rich and/or cis & white.

I had to go to emergency last night because of ridiculously excruciating pain last night and it was a very bitter experience. Though given my history with SMH AND their already horrid reputation for racism and transphobia, I'm not at all surprised.

First, NO ONE would respect my wish to be called Penny. Staff would bellow my legal name in the waiting room extra loudly then make sad excuses why they somehow didn't see the big note that said "Refer to as Penny". Nurses gave me dirty looks all night. Of ALL the staff there last night, only 2 nurses and 1 volunteer were ANY help to me, or did their damn jobs.

The first doctor I saw tapped my arm twice and dismissed me as perfectly okay without doing ANY tests other than an X-Ray. He dismissed it as a pinched nerve in my NECK somehow, cutting me off, talking over me and ignoring everything I said to him about what hurt, where and why. Then despite knowing that I had already taken FOUR morphines yesterday because of the crippling pain, that those 4 morphines had ZERO effect on the wrist pain, which in fact was getting worse, and being clearly told I did NOT want ANY painkillers, just to have my wrist treated, he discharged me without telling me while calling me by male pronouns to his staff, probably assuming I couldn't hear him.

I stood my ground asking to be readmitted and see a different doctor while EVERYONE adamantly refused to give me the first Doctor's name so I could file a complaint. Apparently they fuck up so often at SMH now that it's officially policy to not give patients ANY names. No doctor introduced themselves by name, no nurses had nametags, and for two hours I was given the runaround until someone finally informed me of the No Names policy. One nurse got uppity with me for accusing them of giving me a runaround until I pointed out he himself had pretended he was trying to find me the first Doctor's name and stalling me hoping I'd drop it.

The second doctor tried the same crap as the first until I looked him in the eye and demanded to be actually listened to. He refused to drain my ganglion cyst, blatantly lying to my face claiming they don't drain cysts there, which I know for a FACT is bullshit because I have HAD cysts drained in their emergency department before.

He ordered bloodwork and an Anti-Inflammatory. Then while waiting for my bloodwork, I noticed a leather laptop case that an earlier patient had his Tablet in and forgotten, checked to find his tablet still in it, and turned it in to the Nurses telling them exactly which patient had forgotten it. I was VERY clear in telling them who it belonged to, describing the now discharged patient and explaining how I knew the case and tablet PC were his.

They just left it on their counter. 2 hours later a rich white man in a suit who'd been sitting there just walked right up and grabbed it over my shoulder when their backs were turned, and hid it under his coat. Sat there smugly in his tuxedo, and gave me a look practically daring me to say something.

So I reported him. To 3 nurses, a security guard an a doctor. NOT A FUCKING ONE OF THEM would go confront the guy. NONE of them were willing to do the right thing. I'm guessing the rich white guy was a hospital donor or something.

"Oh well WE didn't see it so we're not going to worry about it."

Even though I DID see it. Even though they admitted the tablet was no longer on the counter yet no one had spoken to them to claim it. Even though I was RIGHT there TELLING them what happened. Their attitude was hey it wasn't MY tablet so I should just shut up.

When I pushed them to do the right thing I was ejected from the hospital.

This is not the first abuse I've suffered at the hands of SMH. A few years back one of their male nurses threatened to beat me up in the parking lot for using the women's bathroom to get my pee test. IN FRONT of the other staff. The doctor I complained to then dismissed it as "Boys will be boys", including ME in that sentiment.

The staff of SMH are the reason Fran is going back to the US. Someone there ratted her out to immigration.

And they have a history of hurting people who aren't cis and white, including an elderly Sikh man some years ago who was told he just had a bad cold without any examination and sent home, only to be dead two days later of a burst appendix, something they could have caught had they cared to do their fucking jobs.

And somehow they always get off scot-free. They NEVER suffer any real consequence for this bullshit, and they keep on doing it.

Unless you're cis, white and rich, NEVER go to  Surrey Memorial Hospital. They WILL NOT treat you properly and they WILL NOT give a fuck about you. They do not CARE about doing what's right, only about protecting their own asses.

Surrey Memorial hospital is the worst hospital in the Lower Mainland. If ever a hospital deserved to be shut down, it's this one.


A Musing About Buffy The Rape Culture Slayer

TW; Rape, rape culture
Fran and I have been watching a marathon of the full series of Buffy The Vampire Slayer on Netflix. And we all know it's an excellent, well-written series often dismissed as schlocky sci-fi fantasy that is far better than it has any right to be. Hell, the season 5 episode "The Body" alone was some of the single best (and most heart-wrenching) TV ever. Incredible acting all around, emotional weight, gravitas that eclipsed some Shakespeare stories.

But after watching the entire series something very interesting has occurred to me. It's not a new theory that Buffy may be an allegory for rape. A lot of folks have posed that idea. But I think it's a lot more complex than that. I've come to the conclusion that it's an allegory for rape, rape culture, rape privilege, and how to fight back, stand up, be strong, and accept responsibility for rape culture being perpetuated. And it was a subtle allegory, and I never realized it until near the very end, and then I looked back over the series and it smacked me right in the face as if to say "Hello? I've been standing right here the whole time?"

It occurred to me when it reached near the end of Season 6. Spike, a vampire for those unfamiliar with the series, has spent a season and a half in a mutually
abusive sexual relationship with the show's titular lead. Near the end of the 6th season,  he becomes so miserable, so lost in feeling hurt that Buffy just uses him for angry sex, that he feels entitled to just do the same thing and tries to rape her, and she fights him off, and he leaves the country and no one tells Dawn (Buffy's younger sister, sort of, who idolizes Spike), because they don't want her to think less of her friend Spike.

And that all makes a sad sort of sense, because that's how rape culture works right? Rapists feel entitled to rape and people want to protect the rapist from the repercussions. We see examples in real life all the time. Such as a case in a rural Texas town where a dozen men ages 15 to 28 gang-raped an 11 year old girl, and the general reaction among the town was A) The child was "asking for it" by dressing past her age and acting older than she was, and B) to fret about how the charges could ruin the lives of the men who raped a child.

Infuriating, sickening, sad fact of life. And of course TV shows frequently reinforce this stereotype. So I expected Buffy to do like most TV does in that regard.

So after the almost rape, Spike goes off to Africa, (while everyone else goes on about their lives like nothing happened), to undergo a horribly painful ritual to regain his soul so Buffy will love him, and goes insane from the guilt he can now feel over everyone he's ever hurt. At this point it seems like it's going to end up being the cliche romantic happy ending ala Luke And Laura where Hey! He feels really really extra bad about almost raping her so now everything's awesome again and she'll fall madly in love with him because OMG U GUYZ he's SOOO sensitive now! And they live happily ever after!

Except that wasn't what Joss Whedon was ACTUALLY doing. Whedon is the guy who created Buffy, and he had other plans here.

So season 7 begins and during the course of the episode, Buffy finds a disheveled Spike living in a high school boiler room, eating rats, self-harming and rambling incoherently. She leaves him alone.

In season 7 episode 2, Spike has cleaned himself up and tries to help Buffy and friends deal with the Monster Of The Week. After a lot of conflict, near the end of the episode, Spike starts acting loopy and erratic again and runs away, into a church. Wanting answers for his confusing behavior, Buffy chases him and finds him wandering around in the darkness inside. He's rambling and confused, and he misunderstands her thinking she wants to just use him for sex again, she pushes him away, he mumbles something about "No, right, she doesn't want that, she shouldn't be made to right right" and he starts wandering around again, rambling about his guilt. He talks as if there are other people in the room, ghosts of his past victims, and seeing death all around him. He talks about overwhelming guilt driving him insane.

It's at this point that Buffy remembers Angel, (another vampire with a soul who got a spin-off series and had left Buffy itself at the end of the fourth season), describing to her how he had spent a lot of time immediately following his soul being restored feeling overwhelmingly consumed with guilt, remembering all the people he'd hurt or killed. With a look at shock and almost revulsion at the thought, Buffy realizes what Spike has done and asks him incredulously, almost horrified, why he would do that, subject himself to that kind of torment. Why do that to himself?

Because of how TV reinforces Rape Culture, plus how Whedon's played this story arc so far, you'd be justified in assuming as I did that Spike is going to say something like "So you could love me" right? That's usually how these things work out on TV. On the soap opera General Hospital, the couple of Luke & Laura, (whom I previously alluded to) are still to this dy hailed as being among the greatest TV romances of  all time. Except no one ever wants to remember that their story arc on that soap began with Luke RAPING her. Rape Cultures teaches people that rape is just a really passionate forceful expression of true love in these situations. It's ridiculously common in fiction for rape victims to fall in love with their rapists.

But Spike didn't say that. Whedon had other ideas. Whedon knows about Rape Culture, and he goes out of his way to write strong, 3-dimensional female characters who never just allow themselves to give up and be victimized.

So then what DID Spike say to make me realize what Whedon was really doing?

He said "To be the kind of man who would never.... to be a kind of man..."

An unfinished sentence yes, but you it was telling in what he WASN'T saying out loud. The point where he paused. "To be the kind of man who would never...." tells you, yes, he loves Buffy, he wants her to love him. But he didn't endure all that pain just so she would forget what he'd done and magically love him.

He did it to punish himself for assuming he was entitled to her body, for hurting her, and to forge himself into someone who could never again do THAT to a woman. To be a man who DESERVED her love rather than just take it, to be a man who could EARN her love rather than just believe she owed it to him. And to be a man who was better than the behavior that Rape Culture teaches men is okay.

And that was the moment it hit me, and I started going back over the whole series in my mind. Analyzing story arcs, themes, character evolutions, and realized that, yes, the underlying theme of Buffy is about rape, but not, as many believe, a straight up "Staking the vampires who maul her physically is a visual rape allegory" way. It's more subtle than that. Whedon's characters exist and survive in a world with creatures that want to hurt them in ways that would make them feel weak and powerless, just like a rapist wants to have power over his victim. But they survive by refusing to ever BE the victim, by standing up to the monsters and saying "No, this is NOT okay, you have no right to do this to me if I don't want you to and I WILL defend myself". And while dressed in anything ranging from "Borderline Hooker" to "Nun-In-Training", from various walks of life.

Buffy teaches it's audience that it's okay for a woman to decide for herself who my or may not touch her, no matter how she's dressed or how she acts or where she comes from.

I wish more TV would follow that example.


Drinking the Kool-Aid

I have.... I HAD a friend. Like a sister to me. A trans woman, who I loved like family.

Yesterday she told me to go fuck myself, and deleted and blocked me on Facebook. Why? Because we got into an argument about politics.

The Libertarian Party in the USA is Tea Party politics. Its adherents can whitewash or deny the nature of their party all they like, but this remains a documented fact. Ron Paul and his party are the same as the Republicans. His policies and platform are anti-woman, anti-choice, anti-gay, anti-trans, anti-equality, anti-union, anti-healthcare. He is virulently and publicly homophobic, and has proven irrefutable ties to White Supremist groups.

He is NOT a nice man.

My now ex-friend is a Libertarian. For the  past few months as the US Presidential election heated up, she would frequently post a great deal of utter bullshit on her wall. Dishonest pictures showing false stats that were clearly anti-Obama for the sake of hating Obama, given how devoid of fact they were.

As I generally loathe discussing politics with loved ones, (unless you and they share nigh identical political ideologies, discussions about politics NEVER end well), I generally avoided commenting. At most I would politely correct her "factual errors" and provide a link to evidence proving it.

Yesterday she spent the bulk of the day attacking Obama and the Democratics convention, sharing blatant lies and thinly veiled racism.

She topped her party line hate-fest with a quote from the Goddess of the Tea Party, Ayn Rand;

“We can ignore reality, but we cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.” 

This was enough to make me finally speak up directly. She's a trans woman, attacking the ONLY party in her country that gives a fuck about our kind, and blindly rabidly supporting a party that has confirmed it would implement anti-gay anti-trans policy into law if elected. Ron Paul signed NOM's bloody Marriage Pledge for fuck's sake! For reasons she herself could never adequately explain, she was pulling a GOProud; supporting politicians who would NEVER support her, defending men who would see her made lesser by law.

The Ayn Rand quote is a GREAT example of clueless irony, since Rand was herself very out of touch with reality. And a horrible author at that. She lived with a conspiracy theorist's sensibility and created a rigid philosophy of narrow contempt. Objectivism is NOT a philosophy that is at peace with the real world, and a government that followed it would do FAR more harm to its people than the Democratic leadership ever has or will. It's also an accidental trolling of the Tea Party, since that group in general is ALSO not deeply entrenched in reality.

So I told her that her support of a party that hates our kind made no sense and seemed self-loathing and destructive.

She immediately went walls up guns out release the hounds mode. She defended Ron Paul in the least sensible way imaginable; She said his homophobia doesn't matter because he's a neutral and wouldn't put his beliefs into policy, even though he completely HAS done so.

So I went A-Googlin'. I easily found several dozen links to new reports, blog entries, and documentation. I pasted her links to irrefutable evidence; The Libertarian Party's Official Platform, direct quotes from Ron Paul openly calling gays a sick filthy people, links to proof of his racist attitudes and his links to White Supremist groups, links to his signing NOM's hateful Marriage Pledge, in which he promises to, if ever elected President, put a nationwide constitutional amendment into law declaring only heterosexual marriage may ever be legal or recognized.

She replied that EVERY fact I showed her was a filthy lie concocted by the LIB'RUL MEDIA!!! (while of course refusing to link me to any documented proof of HER claims), and that because I wasn't a party member like her and thus had no "first hand" knowledge, I could not POSSIBLY know what I was talking about, because all MY info was third-hand media lies from liberal journalists with agendas.

I sighed, gave up trying and said fine, I give up, let's not argue anymore, I'll talk to you later. She replied with a FUCK YOU and blocked me.

So a 3 year friendship goes kaput because she drank the Kool-Aid. How an otherwise intelligent and proud trans woman could ever support a party who hates us while dishonestly attacking the one that would actually help make our lives better in her country is well beyond my ability to comprehend. Just like how I can't fathom how the quisling queers of GOProud and the Log-Cabin Republicans can publicly support the GOP as the best party for gay rights without spontaneously bursting into flames.

Seriously, the official Republican Party platform explicitly  calls for not only vehement opposition to any recognition of same-sex marriages or families, it expressly calls for EXISTING protections to be stricken from Federal  law. Any gay person supporting or defending the GOP is akin to a jewish man swearing the Nazis are the best party for Jewish rights. Same with Ron Paul.

ANY LTBG person who supports politicians who publicly and proudly advocate a platform that makes us LESSER under the law is a blind self-loathing Quisling.

The sad thing is when I first made friends with this woman, others who knew her warned me to avoid her, telling me what an aggressive psycho she was. I as always ignored such scuttlebutt and made my own decisions. In this case I'm realizing I should have perhaps given my friends' warnings some credence.

It's her loss. She proved herself a shallow frightened coward, disconnected from reality and self-loathing. And she chose to throw me away because I wouldn't support her lying.

To quote our own Katie LBT, (who REALLY needs to start posting some blogs here);

"Never throw over your friends for politics. Your political idols won't hold you when you cry - your friends will."


About Today's Shooting in DC

I will send healing thoughts to the two people injured at the Family Research Council today.

But I will NOT let them off the hook for all the hatred and lies they spew which ultimately lead to  this. THEY caused this to happen. And they should be kissing Jesus' ass that it took SO long to finally push someone on our side to the breaking point of lowering himself to the violence THEIR side has inflicted upon us for FIFTY FUCKING YEARS.

LTBG people are beaten and murdered constantly, and FRC keeps preaching it's hatred and lies, always ignoring the damage their rhetoric  causes to good people. And they constantly downplay or outright disavow that violence, or any responsibility for contributing to it.

I KNOW that the FRC will learn NOTHING from this incident. They will most assuredly use it as a platform to "prove" gays are "the real bullies". They WILL play victim. And neither of their spokesmen, Peter Sprigg and Tony Perkins, will acknowledge that this ONE case of a gay man shooting at homophobes is massively dwarfed by literally hundreds of THOUSANDS of LTBG people murdered in God's name. They WILL use this one incident to scare the ignorant into filling their coffers so they can continue to fight to prevent right just equality.

They WILL continue to knowingly and willfully spread blatant lies and bigotry about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people, and will continue the atmosphere of hatred that finally caused one of us to snap and return the favour after 50 years of Conservative Religious Right abuse of us.

What they will NOT do is the serious soul-searching and self-evaluation they need to be doing. What they will NOT do is accept or admit they brought this on themselves after decades of telling everyone that our entire community are evil pedophiles out to spread disease, corrupt your children and pervert America.

What they will not do, now or EVER, is the right thing.

I will NEVER condone ANY violence of this nature. And I hope very genuinely the two shooting victims survive and make a full recovery.

But I REFUSE to give the FRC a free pass on their deplorable evil behavior because some lunatic with a gun finally targeted THEM for a change.


Because It's On My Mind Now

So the story of the 11 year old trans girl in Germany being institutionalized has been especially touching a raw nerve for me of late.

When I was 16, about a half a year before my juvey rapes, I was institutionalized for 30 days at the asylum (I REFUSE to call them "psychiatric hospitals" because that would imply they heal anyone), for an evaluation to determine the cause of my anger issues.

So one day I'm drawing naked women, and the staff and doctors zeroed in on it. They tore up my drawings and told me very matter-of-factly my problems stemmed from a misogynist personality, that I hated women and was sexist and violent because of it. Having dealt by then with a good decade of shrinks and authority figures misdiagnosing me and NEVER listening TO me, I started screaming at them. I wasn't drawing naked women because I hated women and just saw them as fucktoys, I was drawing MYSELF as I was SUPPOSED to be.

They proceeded to restrain me violently enough to bruise me and dislocate my bad shoulder despite my only yelling and making ZERO physical threats, doped me up to the point of being all but lobotomized, and threw me in a padded room naked. I was so doped up I couldn't control my bodily functions or even stand up and pissed myself sitting there, (which they determined I was faking somehow) and was left laying in my own filth without food for 3 days. They refused to let me out or stop shooting me up with drugs, (and refused to EVER tell me WHAT I was being drugged WITH), until I "admitted" that I was making up my gender issues and that I was a bitter angry misogynist who wanted to hurt women.

And after 3 days without food sleeping in my own waste, I gave in and told them what they wanted to hear. Until the day I was transferred back to Juvey when I was put in the truck, and I looked squarely at the shrink who ordered all this and told her "I lied to get out of that room. YOU lied to put me in it. I am a girl, and you are a horrible abusive evil person, and I hope you rot in hell for what you do here."

She fumed and told the guards to make sure the Juvey staff ignored anything I said and to ONLY acknowledge HER report. Which of course the guards agreed to. It was primarily BECAUSE of her bullshit report that I got transferred to the hardcore prison wherein I was raped every night for 3 fucking months.

I fear for that little girl. I KNOW what those bastards will do to her to convince her she's a boy. And it terrifies me that she'll learn to play along so they'll stop mistreating her.


A new Chane.Org Petition For You All

Go Here To Sign.

Why This Is Important

While browsing the web yesterday I stumbled across this quiz page.


The quiz on that page is dismissive and demeaning to trans women. 8 of the 10 women pictured in the quiz are Transsexual Women. The key word there being WOMEN. Right from the start, the whole quiz is based on identifying "Fake" women by asking you to determined if the women you see are male or female.

I answered female to all 10, out of a morbid curiosity to see if this would follow the path I feared it would, and sadly, it didn't fail my expectations. When I scored two out of ten, I was greeted with this lovely transphobic garbage;

"You don't know Jack! (Or Jane!)"

"You're not good at pin pointing the exact gender of another questionable person - what's up with that? You don't know Jack about looking for the tell-tale signs of a man/woman! Brush up on your skills, buddy!"

Trans women are "questionable people"? Accepting them all as women means I can't see "telltale signs of a man/woman"?


So I tried to be nice and contacted them privately to point out how blatantly transphobic this quiz is, explain to them WHY it's demeaning and transphobic, and ask them to either fix the quiz's wording or remove it entirely.

THIS is the condescending bs they sent me today.

"Hi Penny!

We truly appreciate your input in regards to our "Male or Female" gallery. I'd like to indicate that ChaCha prides itself in providing content that appeals to a vast array of individuals in all walks of life - that includes those in the GLBT community. We would never publish anything that could be viewed as derogatory or hateful to any race, religion or orientation as we openly respect and accept diversity. However, ChaCha does generate galleries and quizzes that are primarily for entertainment purposes, which are meant to be light-hearted and interesting.

The gallery in question was authored in a tasteful way and does not exhibit any language or attitude that would defame a transgendered individual. Our content team has reviewed the gallery and determined that the material is acceptable and will not be removed from our site.

Again, we truly appreciate your thoughts and insight in this matter.

- ChaCha Support
Thank you,

Customer Relations

Ticket Details
Ticket ID: 142017
Department: Customer Relations
Priority: Low
Status: Closed"

I'll bet you my left leg their content team doesn't have a single bloody trans person on it.

So they had their chance to do the right thing privately. Now I'm telling the world about the way ChaCha.com views trans women, and how blatantly they think such blunt misgendering, demeaning transphobic crap is acceptable, non-defaming and low priority.

To say nothing of the two cis women in the quiz whom the site author's clearly think nothing of comparing to men just to justify mocking trans women.

So tell ChaCha.com, this quiz IS defaming, demeaning, offensive and transphobic, and that they need to stop ignoring the complaints of trans women and strt respecting them.