I will no longer be cross-posting my blog entries as diaries on Pam's House Blend. Autumn Sandeen, whom I considered a friend and had frequently passionately defended online against shallow bigoted comments, decided to throw me to the wolves and scold me for a non-existant TOS violation in the comments on one of her PHB posts, for the SOLE purpose of showing a poster with a proven on-record history of baseless anti-trans trolling to whom Autumn needed to prove absolutely nothing that she does not "play favorites" with TOS violation warnings. I understand why Autumn did so. But I neither accept nor approve her decision to cower before a troll attacking her unfairly by sacrificing a friend who stands up for her just so she could "prove" how impartial she is.
Because of this sad act of cowardice by Autumn to appease a troll who will not actually care in the end and will still find excuses to attack Autumn and call her a man regardless if I get a token scolding or not, I have removed PHB from my sidebar and will never again comment on the site nor crosspost to it. I cannot in my personal good conscience support or contribute to a site where such an egregious act of personal cowardice and selling out a friend for meaningless brownie points takes place.
Apologies to Pam Spaulding for my decision. It hurts me deeply to be betrayed by a friend like this so publicly. It hurts worse to realize that at least one of the accusations I so frequently defended Autumn against turns out to be true; That she in fact IS a self-serving person who puts herself above others and will step on good people to elevate herself. I hope Autumn continues to do the good work she does do, but I DEARLY hope she stops to look at whom she hurts to do it sometimes.
4/08/2011
An Enemy Defects
Crossposted on Pam's House Blend
Those of you who regularly read this blog know of my run-ins with National Organization For Marriage spokesman Louis J. Marinelli. For a refresher course, go here, here, here, here, and here.
Well now I can finally happily say Louis has learned his lesson. I don't know what brought him around, but Louis no longer supports the anti-gay anti-marriage equality movement not NOM. He's come around and apologized for his anti-gay activism.
Out friend Jeremy Hooper of Good As You has an interview up with Louis. Just click the clicky to read the full chat they had. Of particular relevance to me was this statement.
"Whether it is an issue of disbelief, shame or embarrassment, the one thing that is for sure is that I have come to this point after several months of an internal conflict with myself. That conflict gradually tore away at me until recently when I was able to, for the first time simply admit to myself that I do in fact support civil marriage equality for all.
While I have come to terms with this reality internally, speaking about it, even with the closest members of my family, has proven to be something difficult for me to do.
In short, if there is an issue of disbelief surrounding my newfound support for civil marriage equality, it is disbelief from those who surround me. If there is an issue of shame, it is a result of acknowledging the number of people I have targeted, hurt and oppressed. And if there is an issue of embarrassment, its roots lie in the face-to-face encounters I have had and expect to have with those with whom I once toiled over this very contentious issue."
I applaud Louis for this. It's one thing to realize that you're on the wrong side of an issue. It's one thing to accept that you have contributed vociferously to real harm done to the lives of good people. But to find the courage, the strength of character, to stand up in public and say "I was wrong and I'm sorry", well, that takes courage. Courage I'll admit I never thought Louis could have. And I am ridiculously proud he proved me wrong. I have never been more happy in my life to be mistaken about something.
So thank you Louis, not only for realizing the truth, but for having the balls to admit it publicly. Words matter, and some as anti-gay as you once were standing up in public and saying you were wrong can effect others. You might actually reach more people than we can. Any hater can ignore us telling them they're wrong, but when one of their own says "We're on the wrong side of this fight", they might just stop for a moment and listen.
Thank you Louis. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for waking up.
Those of you who regularly read this blog know of my run-ins with National Organization For Marriage spokesman Louis J. Marinelli. For a refresher course, go here, here, here, here, and here.
Well now I can finally happily say Louis has learned his lesson. I don't know what brought him around, but Louis no longer supports the anti-gay anti-marriage equality movement not NOM. He's come around and apologized for his anti-gay activism.
Out friend Jeremy Hooper of Good As You has an interview up with Louis. Just click the clicky to read the full chat they had. Of particular relevance to me was this statement.
"Whether it is an issue of disbelief, shame or embarrassment, the one thing that is for sure is that I have come to this point after several months of an internal conflict with myself. That conflict gradually tore away at me until recently when I was able to, for the first time simply admit to myself that I do in fact support civil marriage equality for all.
While I have come to terms with this reality internally, speaking about it, even with the closest members of my family, has proven to be something difficult for me to do.
In short, if there is an issue of disbelief surrounding my newfound support for civil marriage equality, it is disbelief from those who surround me. If there is an issue of shame, it is a result of acknowledging the number of people I have targeted, hurt and oppressed. And if there is an issue of embarrassment, its roots lie in the face-to-face encounters I have had and expect to have with those with whom I once toiled over this very contentious issue."
I applaud Louis for this. It's one thing to realize that you're on the wrong side of an issue. It's one thing to accept that you have contributed vociferously to real harm done to the lives of good people. But to find the courage, the strength of character, to stand up in public and say "I was wrong and I'm sorry", well, that takes courage. Courage I'll admit I never thought Louis could have. And I am ridiculously proud he proved me wrong. I have never been more happy in my life to be mistaken about something.
So thank you Louis, not only for realizing the truth, but for having the balls to admit it publicly. Words matter, and some as anti-gay as you once were standing up in public and saying you were wrong can effect others. You might actually reach more people than we can. Any hater can ignore us telling them they're wrong, but when one of their own says "We're on the wrong side of this fight", they might just stop for a moment and listen.
Thank you Louis. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for waking up.
3/17/2011
Hello, ABC? Welcome to MY World!
And my lifetime of nasty painful dehumanizing complications that resulted from my being "corrected" at birth. In response to ABC News, let me tell you MY story about the results of "correcting" an intersexed child.
Crossposted on Pam's House Blend
Because my vagina was pinhole sized. They assumed I'd never get more than a pinky finger in it, much less a man's almighty penis, (which is sadly their main criteria when making these decisions; Will they be able to have "normal" hetero sex?), so they cauterized the mucous membranes with a heated metal rod and sewed up the tiny hole, leaving what visually appeared to be a normal if a wee bit below average penis and one testicle with a small scar.
Only my father was consulted. My mother was told they just needed to remove a growth. Except they failed to actually bother wasting any time doing silly things like a full internal examination. If they had they'd have found my uterus and maybe thought twice about the whole "She'll be happier as a boy" idea. (Helpful Hint; They were WRONG). Or they might have removed it and spared me a lot of grief.
I didn't actually know I was intersexed until 9 years ago while undergoing a full spate of physical tests at the gender clinic that used to be downtown in Vancouver before the BC Liberal stripped it of funding because it was "Frivolous spending". They discovered my true biology right at the same time they realized my blood disorder meant invasive surgeries would likely kill me.
See, until then, I had just thought I was a chronically ill MTF transsexual woman who had for some reason grown breasts. Sometimes I was actually stupid enough to believe I had breasts because I had somehow willed them to grow in my desire to be a girl. But around age 12 when they began growing, I started getting really sick every month. No doctor took me seriously because my parents told them I was probably faking to avoid school, (You can imagine how much I hated school, but still), and for years I never got thorough satisfactory answers or even seriously tested to see what was wrong with me. It's where I first learned to not trust doctors.
My problem? The uterus and my one ovary are functional. Imagine the joy of PMS when, thanks to sexist asshole binary enforcing doctors, the goddamn blood has NOWHERE to go. My body goes through painful PMS, then averages two weeks of chronic stomach pain and nausea as my body is forced to re-absorb blood it should be expelling, and because of my progressive blood disorder there's NO way this can be fixed now. So I'm doomed to a lifetime of needless suffering all because doctors thought they had a right to make that choice for me at birth.
If anyone has any questions about intersex from the horse's mouth, my e-mail is theaerie@shaw.ca
The worst part is that when I was FINALLY given access to my birth records, to learn exactly what was done, I learned I was years beyond any recourse to be compensated. The doctor who made the decision and lead the surgery had died 3 years before I found out, and every lawyer I consulted said no judge would hold the actual hospital accountable. My only comfort is knowing at least the bastard won't screw up anymore children ever again.
The choice should ALWAYS be the child's, when they're old enough to understand.
Crossposted on Pam's House Blend
Because my vagina was pinhole sized. They assumed I'd never get more than a pinky finger in it, much less a man's almighty penis, (which is sadly their main criteria when making these decisions; Will they be able to have "normal" hetero sex?), so they cauterized the mucous membranes with a heated metal rod and sewed up the tiny hole, leaving what visually appeared to be a normal if a wee bit below average penis and one testicle with a small scar.
Only my father was consulted. My mother was told they just needed to remove a growth. Except they failed to actually bother wasting any time doing silly things like a full internal examination. If they had they'd have found my uterus and maybe thought twice about the whole "She'll be happier as a boy" idea. (Helpful Hint; They were WRONG). Or they might have removed it and spared me a lot of grief.
I didn't actually know I was intersexed until 9 years ago while undergoing a full spate of physical tests at the gender clinic that used to be downtown in Vancouver before the BC Liberal stripped it of funding because it was "Frivolous spending". They discovered my true biology right at the same time they realized my blood disorder meant invasive surgeries would likely kill me.
See, until then, I had just thought I was a chronically ill MTF transsexual woman who had for some reason grown breasts. Sometimes I was actually stupid enough to believe I had breasts because I had somehow willed them to grow in my desire to be a girl. But around age 12 when they began growing, I started getting really sick every month. No doctor took me seriously because my parents told them I was probably faking to avoid school, (You can imagine how much I hated school, but still), and for years I never got thorough satisfactory answers or even seriously tested to see what was wrong with me. It's where I first learned to not trust doctors.
My problem? The uterus and my one ovary are functional. Imagine the joy of PMS when, thanks to sexist asshole binary enforcing doctors, the goddamn blood has NOWHERE to go. My body goes through painful PMS, then averages two weeks of chronic stomach pain and nausea as my body is forced to re-absorb blood it should be expelling, and because of my progressive blood disorder there's NO way this can be fixed now. So I'm doomed to a lifetime of needless suffering all because doctors thought they had a right to make that choice for me at birth.
If anyone has any questions about intersex from the horse's mouth, my e-mail is theaerie@shaw.ca
The worst part is that when I was FINALLY given access to my birth records, to learn exactly what was done, I learned I was years beyond any recourse to be compensated. The doctor who made the decision and lead the surgery had died 3 years before I found out, and every lawyer I consulted said no judge would hold the actual hospital accountable. My only comfort is knowing at least the bastard won't screw up anymore children ever again.
The choice should ALWAYS be the child's, when they're old enough to understand.
2/28/2011
This Is VERY Simple
UPDATE Justin no longer works at Change.org and Shelby Knox has personally apologised to me for the ridiculous way in which he treated me. I consider the issue resolved.
Change.org Community Manager "Justin" has TWICE deleted my account from Change.org and deleted comments I posted. Why? Because as a Rape Survivor I stood up to crude offensive rape apologist men in comments threads on Change.org. I double checked, every misogynist sexist "Oh rape isn't so bad you bitches probably liked it get over yourselves" type comment I responded to remains online, unedited, uncensored, and clearly not deleted. My justifiably angry "You are a hateful idiot and your disgusting neanderthal opinion of rape survivors is disgusting as are you" replies all are deleted.
Justin's explanation for censoring me amounted to a condescending "There there little lady, we can't have wimmins posting angry profane comments to our lil ole activism site, even if that big ole man is being a bit douchey."
So click that button, sign that petition while it still exists because I'm DAMN sure Justin will delete it. He's proven he's a selective activist, and a man who will happily punish the victim if she stands up for herself.
Sign it before it's gone.
Change.org Community Manager "Justin" has TWICE deleted my account from Change.org and deleted comments I posted. Why? Because as a Rape Survivor I stood up to crude offensive rape apologist men in comments threads on Change.org. I double checked, every misogynist sexist "Oh rape isn't so bad you bitches probably liked it get over yourselves" type comment I responded to remains online, unedited, uncensored, and clearly not deleted. My justifiably angry "You are a hateful idiot and your disgusting neanderthal opinion of rape survivors is disgusting as are you" replies all are deleted.
Justin's explanation for censoring me amounted to a condescending "There there little lady, we can't have wimmins posting angry profane comments to our lil ole activism site, even if that big ole man is being a bit douchey."
So click that button, sign that petition while it still exists because I'm DAMN sure Justin will delete it. He's proven he's a selective activist, and a man who will happily punish the victim if she stands up for herself.
Sign it before it's gone.
2/11/2011
Because Porno Pete Is All About Being Open and Honest
Crossposted on Pam's House Blend
Update; Hat-tipped on Truth Wins Out
I'm guessing poor Porno Petey, AKA Peter LaBarbera of Americans forlying through their teeth about gays Truth About Homosexualty, was getting tired of us nasty mean ole GLBT folks like Joe Sudbay, Jeremy Hooper and Wayne Besen & Evan Hurst using HIS OWN WORDS to show what a hypocritical, deceitful douchehat he really is.
You see, all the bloggers I listed above, plus several others including Pam and Alvin of the site I crosspost these on, have frequently screencapped little nuggets of batshittery and hateful glee from poor Petey's very own Twitter account. And there've been some real doozeys over the past couple years. But Petey seems to have grown JUST enough of a brain to finally realize his own words are shotting his hateful cause in the ass. Most likely after seeing how Maggie Gallager and Tony Perkins, both of whom use the same playbook, had THEIR hateful rhetoric backfire on them in Maryland when their lies and bile actually convinced one senator to change his mind about supporting equal marriage, for the better.
Why, you may ask, do I think this? Well, every few days I go and read Petey's Twitter Feed to see what asinine mindnumbingly delusional reality-deficient crap he's spouting that day. But when I went to do so just a mere 15 minutes ago, I saw this;
Seems Petey's "zeal for truth" doesn't include having enough faith in his own words to let just anyone see them anymore. Maybe he's finally realizing, thanks to the spectacular failure in Maryland of his hatemongering peers, that people CAN see through his lies, and that the more folks that get to read the vile bile he spews, the more people his cause will chase away. People can only be fooled by the same tired lies so many times before even the fearful naive sheep he preys on start to question why that one sheep who keeps telling them the dark spooky forest is safer for them than the wide open field where the farmer can see them has wolf paws.
Because Peter LaBarbera is ALL about honesty and transparency because of his zeal for truth. Right?
You may commence uncontrollable fits of derisive laughter now.
Update; Hat-tipped on Truth Wins Out
I'm guessing poor Porno Petey, AKA Peter LaBarbera of Americans for
You see, all the bloggers I listed above, plus several others including Pam and Alvin of the site I crosspost these on, have frequently screencapped little nuggets of batshittery and hateful glee from poor Petey's very own Twitter account. And there've been some real doozeys over the past couple years. But Petey seems to have grown JUST enough of a brain to finally realize his own words are shotting his hateful cause in the ass. Most likely after seeing how Maggie Gallager and Tony Perkins, both of whom use the same playbook, had THEIR hateful rhetoric backfire on them in Maryland when their lies and bile actually convinced one senator to change his mind about supporting equal marriage, for the better.
Why, you may ask, do I think this? Well, every few days I go and read Petey's Twitter Feed to see what asinine mindnumbingly delusional reality-deficient crap he's spouting that day. But when I went to do so just a mere 15 minutes ago, I saw this;
Seems Petey's "zeal for truth" doesn't include having enough faith in his own words to let just anyone see them anymore. Maybe he's finally realizing, thanks to the spectacular failure in Maryland of his hatemongering peers, that people CAN see through his lies, and that the more folks that get to read the vile bile he spews, the more people his cause will chase away. People can only be fooled by the same tired lies so many times before even the fearful naive sheep he preys on start to question why that one sheep who keeps telling them the dark spooky forest is safer for them than the wide open field where the farmer can see them has wolf paws.
Because Peter LaBarbera is ALL about honesty and transparency because of his zeal for truth. Right?
You may commence uncontrollable fits of derisive laughter now.
2/08/2011
Dealing With Classic Derailing When Teaching About Trans Lives
Crossposted on Pam's House Blend
For the past two weeks I've been all over the damned net trying to maintain my temper while dealing with a very depressingly high concentration of white middle to upper class gay men posting comments on various websites in reply to articles or blogs about the SNL Estro-Maxx sketch or the Craig Ferguson "My long lost half sister Peg" sketch. There are reasons so many trans folk are losing faith and trust in a large chunk of the gay community, feeling like we're conveniant tools to help fight their pet causes but to be discarded or thrown under a bus when WE need them. Honestly I actually have less issues with femisogynist lesbians bashing us the last two weeks than with smug dismissive gay men.
The general consencus among these white Gay en is that we in the trans community should just lighten the fuck up because these two skits were all in good fun, just harmless jokes doncha know? We're just too damn oversensitive, we need to lighten up and grow a funnybone.
Yadda yadda yadda.
I've cited Derailing for Dummies so many times the past two weeks I almost have the whole bloody thing memorized.
So I'm going to paste a couple things here. The comment of mine that got the most likes on Disqus and got the most people saying "Okay maybe you're right" of the hundreds I've posted the past two weeks, and the classic derail attempt it was in reply to.
The Derail attempt. (After I'd been pushed to start cussing in frustration at the bullshit lengths these guys were going to to avoid admitting the harm being done. 500 points if you can spot the classic derail attempt).
"It's really too bad that you can't keep a civil tone and refrain from the profanity (and that goes for everyone)--it would really give more credence to your arguments. That said...do you happen to notice that "Peg" seems pretty happy with herself? So, if you're taking the leap to casting her as transgender, she's out and proud. But I agree with the previous posters who equate this to Milton Berle, Flip Wilson and I'll add Jonathan Winters and all the Kids in the Hall and Catherine Tate (look them up). The comic conceit of "obvious bad drag" does not a transgendered character make. So before you cast stones at CBS and Craig Ferguson, consider what you're really criticizing. (In this case, it's simply a monotonous skit."
And my reply, the one which got the most Disqus likes and got through to people.
"Nope, sorry, but you're just classic derailing again to be able to dismiss me so you don't have to acknowledge you're completely wrong. Using a tone argument, "You're being too angry/hostile/profane therefore nothing you say is of any import" is classic derailing done by privileged idiots who don't want to have to expand their worldview to include the lives of marginalized people. This is how you convince yourself you'e better than me and therefore your inherant superiority automatically disempowers my justified rage in your mind, and you can dismiss me as overreacting.
So the only one losing ANY credibility here is YOU. Especially given the examples you cite, which back up NOT your arguments but mine. Earlier you argued that men wearing women's clothing didn't automaticaly equate to trans bashing. I agreed but argued that in the case of the SNL sketch and the Ferguson sketch it did because gender variance was the sole and only point of the "joke" in these cases. By citing comedians like Berle, Wilson, KITH and Winters, you're only strengthening MY argument, because NONE of those comedians were playing gender itself as the joke. They were all always portraying actual women when they crossdressed for comedy. Flip Wilson's Geraldine for example was NEVER played for "Man in a dress" laughs, she was played for "Angry black mother" laughs. The character was a straight-on woman, and the jokes were rooted on her attitude, NOT her bodyparts.
SNL and Ferguson cannot say the same. The entire point of both sketches was to mock gender variance, and you CANNOT argue it away or deny it in Craig's case just because the guy playing Peg has come out before as male characters and tried to disgust the audience.
Both sketches relied on negative demeaning stereotypes of trans women to get their laughs. Both mocked trans women as silly freakish people who are just weird and abnormal and there to be mocked or treated like sexual deviants. Both used facial hair to emphasize the whole "This is just a man in a dress" meme.
So sorry asshole, but your derailing attempts have failed and so has your lameass privilege based argument. And my very justified anger, amplified by your staggeringly self-absorbed ignorant arrogance, does not dilute the fact that I am RIGHT, you are WRONG, your privilege has made you ignorant of what trans people have to truly put up with, the damage shit like this does us, and the damage YOU do by perpetuating it rather than educating.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. YOU are not trans, so YOU do NOT get to tell US what is or is not offensive to us."
I wish it didn't take me being pushed to the limits of my already pain-reduced patience to drive me to a point where I can articulate myself enough to actually get the fuck THROUGH to people, but sometimes anger can be a good tool if you find the right lens through which to focus it.
I just wish I could've gotten through to more people. The bulk of those I've been dealing with still think we're all just uptight humorless trannies who need to take a joke.
But if SNL or Craig had done a sketch with a white guy in blackface singing Mammy, or a guy playing a hyper effeminate gay man looking for 10 year old boys to show his "lollypop" to, these assholes would be first in line out for blood demanding SNL/Ferguson apologize for the bigotry and that they remove the offending sketch.
But hey, we're just silly trannies, we just need to learn to take a joke. Right?
Wrong.
And I don't care who I piss off by having the nerve to stand up for myself and my sisters. Our lives are NOT material for bad comedy.
For the past two weeks I've been all over the damned net trying to maintain my temper while dealing with a very depressingly high concentration of white middle to upper class gay men posting comments on various websites in reply to articles or blogs about the SNL Estro-Maxx sketch or the Craig Ferguson "My long lost half sister Peg" sketch. There are reasons so many trans folk are losing faith and trust in a large chunk of the gay community, feeling like we're conveniant tools to help fight their pet causes but to be discarded or thrown under a bus when WE need them. Honestly I actually have less issues with femisogynist lesbians bashing us the last two weeks than with smug dismissive gay men.
The general consencus among these white Gay en is that we in the trans community should just lighten the fuck up because these two skits were all in good fun, just harmless jokes doncha know? We're just too damn oversensitive, we need to lighten up and grow a funnybone.
Yadda yadda yadda.
I've cited Derailing for Dummies so many times the past two weeks I almost have the whole bloody thing memorized.
So I'm going to paste a couple things here. The comment of mine that got the most likes on Disqus and got the most people saying "Okay maybe you're right" of the hundreds I've posted the past two weeks, and the classic derail attempt it was in reply to.
The Derail attempt. (After I'd been pushed to start cussing in frustration at the bullshit lengths these guys were going to to avoid admitting the harm being done. 500 points if you can spot the classic derail attempt).
"It's really too bad that you can't keep a civil tone and refrain from the profanity (and that goes for everyone)--it would really give more credence to your arguments. That said...do you happen to notice that "Peg" seems pretty happy with herself? So, if you're taking the leap to casting her as transgender, she's out and proud. But I agree with the previous posters who equate this to Milton Berle, Flip Wilson and I'll add Jonathan Winters and all the Kids in the Hall and Catherine Tate (look them up). The comic conceit of "obvious bad drag" does not a transgendered character make. So before you cast stones at CBS and Craig Ferguson, consider what you're really criticizing. (In this case, it's simply a monotonous skit."
And my reply, the one which got the most Disqus likes and got through to people.
"Nope, sorry, but you're just classic derailing again to be able to dismiss me so you don't have to acknowledge you're completely wrong. Using a tone argument, "You're being too angry/hostile/profane therefore nothing you say is of any import" is classic derailing done by privileged idiots who don't want to have to expand their worldview to include the lives of marginalized people. This is how you convince yourself you'e better than me and therefore your inherant superiority automatically disempowers my justified rage in your mind, and you can dismiss me as overreacting.
So the only one losing ANY credibility here is YOU. Especially given the examples you cite, which back up NOT your arguments but mine. Earlier you argued that men wearing women's clothing didn't automaticaly equate to trans bashing. I agreed but argued that in the case of the SNL sketch and the Ferguson sketch it did because gender variance was the sole and only point of the "joke" in these cases. By citing comedians like Berle, Wilson, KITH and Winters, you're only strengthening MY argument, because NONE of those comedians were playing gender itself as the joke. They were all always portraying actual women when they crossdressed for comedy. Flip Wilson's Geraldine for example was NEVER played for "Man in a dress" laughs, she was played for "Angry black mother" laughs. The character was a straight-on woman, and the jokes were rooted on her attitude, NOT her bodyparts.
SNL and Ferguson cannot say the same. The entire point of both sketches was to mock gender variance, and you CANNOT argue it away or deny it in Craig's case just because the guy playing Peg has come out before as male characters and tried to disgust the audience.
Both sketches relied on negative demeaning stereotypes of trans women to get their laughs. Both mocked trans women as silly freakish people who are just weird and abnormal and there to be mocked or treated like sexual deviants. Both used facial hair to emphasize the whole "This is just a man in a dress" meme.
So sorry asshole, but your derailing attempts have failed and so has your lameass privilege based argument. And my very justified anger, amplified by your staggeringly self-absorbed ignorant arrogance, does not dilute the fact that I am RIGHT, you are WRONG, your privilege has made you ignorant of what trans people have to truly put up with, the damage shit like this does us, and the damage YOU do by perpetuating it rather than educating.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. YOU are not trans, so YOU do NOT get to tell US what is or is not offensive to us."
I wish it didn't take me being pushed to the limits of my already pain-reduced patience to drive me to a point where I can articulate myself enough to actually get the fuck THROUGH to people, but sometimes anger can be a good tool if you find the right lens through which to focus it.
I just wish I could've gotten through to more people. The bulk of those I've been dealing with still think we're all just uptight humorless trannies who need to take a joke.
But if SNL or Craig had done a sketch with a white guy in blackface singing Mammy, or a guy playing a hyper effeminate gay man looking for 10 year old boys to show his "lollypop" to, these assholes would be first in line out for blood demanding SNL/Ferguson apologize for the bigotry and that they remove the offending sketch.
But hey, we're just silly trannies, we just need to learn to take a joke. Right?
Wrong.
And I don't care who I piss off by having the nerve to stand up for myself and my sisters. Our lives are NOT material for bad comedy.
1/09/2011
The Flip Side of Isms
Crossposted on Pam's House Blend
As a woman who is mixed race, overweight, intersex, and a lesbian, I've had to put up with all the major ism's and bigotries we all know and love. (Snrk). Racism, sexism, fatphobia, ageism from teenagers who think anyone over 30 is useless, homophobia, transphobia, etcetera. I know all too well that bigotry causes harm and is destructive.
But earlier today I got sucked into an argument with some now former friends on Twitter over Ableism and it reminded me that every "ism" is a double edged sword and that humanity in general is mostly selfish self-absorbed lazy cowards unable to take responsibility for themselves.
Ableism for those unfamiliar with it is fear and/or abuse of physicaly and/or mentally disabled people. As a disabled person also, I'm not in the least oblivious to the fact that ableism DOES exist and treating disabled people dismissively as if they're automatically useless, crazy, lazy or faking for sympathy happens a lot and can be very hurtful and destructive. But like so many "isms", I find more often than nor it's a cheap defense used as an excuse to be coddled or protected from reality.
I'm sure most of you have heard about yesterday;s shooting in Arzona, which among other things left a goddamned NINE YEAR OLD CHILD DEAD. Now to me, when something that bad happens, the last thing I'm thinking about is me or how words make me feel. My thoughts were squarely on the dead child and feeling heartbroken and angry that this even happened.
Naturally a lot of people think the shooter was completely batshit and said so on Twitter. As someone with a history of mental issues this, according to my ableism fighting "friends", should automatically hurt my fee fees and mortally offend me.
It doesn't. The bastard who opened fire in a crowd to kill a judge and a senator clearly is not right in the head. All evidence says he was a Teabagger, a group of bigoted hateful people to begin with, most of whom are very much not right in the head. From people who still insist Obama is Muslim or foreign born despite overwhelming evidence otherwise to people who spend millions to prevent GLBT equality at all costs while letting homeless people, including children starve, I have ZERO problem with anyone calling these hatemongering delusional fuckwits "crazy people".
But to bitch at people for calling the shooter crazy and go into conniption over how you "won't stand for ableist fuckery" when a child is dead is not only bullshit but a serious lack of priorities. So I told them to get their priorities straight and focus on the real victims. They proceeded to just shit on me and act like I was betraying them to the "enemy".
They both ended up blocked when I got sick of trying to get through to them. And it reminded me that isms can all too easily be abused.
Seriously? How many people do you know who, should something not go their way, almost immediately blame an ism for it? A black man or a woman doesn't get the job they applied for and immediately accuse the employer of being racist/sexist? I know some employers are and would find excuses for it to avoid hiring "undesirables" but they're statistically few and far between. I know a gay man, friend of my parents, who is a complete and total douchebag, who actually accused the staff at A GAY BAR of being homophobic for tossing him out after other patrons complained he was drunkenly hitting on married men who told him no.
Well fuck that noise. It's bullshit cowardice. It's selfish self-absorbed responsibility deflecting stupidity. It's someone immediately claiming bigotry as a crutch because they don't want to deal with their own flaws.
I'm in a wheelchair. I don't whine and bitch and treat the world like it's out to get me. It's not Joe Blow's fault I'm in it, why should I expect him to coddle me?
I used to cut myself when severely depressed. I don't blame anyone else for that. No one put the razor in my fucking hand. No one forced me at gunpoint to put it to my skin. I did that. Me. My stupidity and I take responsibility for it.
So why can't anyone else just own their own shit? Why do people whine and bitch and think only of themselves and expect the world to hand everything to them because of something innate like skin color or sex or sexuality or something unfortunate but unchangable like a permanent disability? Why does everything that doesn't go your way HAVE to be someone else's fault?
Sometimes people DO screw you. Sometimes bad shit IS someone else's fault. When it is by all means hold them accountable. But when it isn't? Just deal with it already and move on. Learn from it, grow as a person, be better than you are now. Don't hide behind an ism to avoid admitting you need to work on something.
Seriously humanity, grow the fuck up already. Focus on the shit that causes REAL damage. Fight bigotry that's hurting people tangibly. Don't just sit and whine about your own feelings as if they outweigh the rest of the world.
After all, a child is dead. Is a bruised ego really more urgent than that?
As a woman who is mixed race, overweight, intersex, and a lesbian, I've had to put up with all the major ism's and bigotries we all know and love. (Snrk). Racism, sexism, fatphobia, ageism from teenagers who think anyone over 30 is useless, homophobia, transphobia, etcetera. I know all too well that bigotry causes harm and is destructive.
But earlier today I got sucked into an argument with some now former friends on Twitter over Ableism and it reminded me that every "ism" is a double edged sword and that humanity in general is mostly selfish self-absorbed lazy cowards unable to take responsibility for themselves.
Ableism for those unfamiliar with it is fear and/or abuse of physicaly and/or mentally disabled people. As a disabled person also, I'm not in the least oblivious to the fact that ableism DOES exist and treating disabled people dismissively as if they're automatically useless, crazy, lazy or faking for sympathy happens a lot and can be very hurtful and destructive. But like so many "isms", I find more often than nor it's a cheap defense used as an excuse to be coddled or protected from reality.
I'm sure most of you have heard about yesterday;s shooting in Arzona, which among other things left a goddamned NINE YEAR OLD CHILD DEAD. Now to me, when something that bad happens, the last thing I'm thinking about is me or how words make me feel. My thoughts were squarely on the dead child and feeling heartbroken and angry that this even happened.
Naturally a lot of people think the shooter was completely batshit and said so on Twitter. As someone with a history of mental issues this, according to my ableism fighting "friends", should automatically hurt my fee fees and mortally offend me.
It doesn't. The bastard who opened fire in a crowd to kill a judge and a senator clearly is not right in the head. All evidence says he was a Teabagger, a group of bigoted hateful people to begin with, most of whom are very much not right in the head. From people who still insist Obama is Muslim or foreign born despite overwhelming evidence otherwise to people who spend millions to prevent GLBT equality at all costs while letting homeless people, including children starve, I have ZERO problem with anyone calling these hatemongering delusional fuckwits "crazy people".
But to bitch at people for calling the shooter crazy and go into conniption over how you "won't stand for ableist fuckery" when a child is dead is not only bullshit but a serious lack of priorities. So I told them to get their priorities straight and focus on the real victims. They proceeded to just shit on me and act like I was betraying them to the "enemy".
They both ended up blocked when I got sick of trying to get through to them. And it reminded me that isms can all too easily be abused.
Seriously? How many people do you know who, should something not go their way, almost immediately blame an ism for it? A black man or a woman doesn't get the job they applied for and immediately accuse the employer of being racist/sexist? I know some employers are and would find excuses for it to avoid hiring "undesirables" but they're statistically few and far between. I know a gay man, friend of my parents, who is a complete and total douchebag, who actually accused the staff at A GAY BAR of being homophobic for tossing him out after other patrons complained he was drunkenly hitting on married men who told him no.
Well fuck that noise. It's bullshit cowardice. It's selfish self-absorbed responsibility deflecting stupidity. It's someone immediately claiming bigotry as a crutch because they don't want to deal with their own flaws.
I'm in a wheelchair. I don't whine and bitch and treat the world like it's out to get me. It's not Joe Blow's fault I'm in it, why should I expect him to coddle me?
I used to cut myself when severely depressed. I don't blame anyone else for that. No one put the razor in my fucking hand. No one forced me at gunpoint to put it to my skin. I did that. Me. My stupidity and I take responsibility for it.
So why can't anyone else just own their own shit? Why do people whine and bitch and think only of themselves and expect the world to hand everything to them because of something innate like skin color or sex or sexuality or something unfortunate but unchangable like a permanent disability? Why does everything that doesn't go your way HAVE to be someone else's fault?
Sometimes people DO screw you. Sometimes bad shit IS someone else's fault. When it is by all means hold them accountable. But when it isn't? Just deal with it already and move on. Learn from it, grow as a person, be better than you are now. Don't hide behind an ism to avoid admitting you need to work on something.
Seriously humanity, grow the fuck up already. Focus on the shit that causes REAL damage. Fight bigotry that's hurting people tangibly. Don't just sit and whine about your own feelings as if they outweigh the rest of the world.
After all, a child is dead. Is a bruised ego really more urgent than that?
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