Pondering Heartbreak

I made a choice this week to end what was becoming a ceaseless source of drama in my life that was beginning to directly harm my health. Unfortunately, polyamoury comes with significant risk of hurt. And given I'm so broken down I can't even provide physically or sexually for my wife, I'm highly unlikely to allow myself any future possibilities for it in daily life. Those I love online will be quite enough now.

*blows Katie a kiss*

So I'm going to open up personally and deeply here. If that might be an issue stop reading now. Real names will, of course, not be used. **** will be referred to as May and her girlfriend as April.

May met me 2 months too late. When she met me, on Tagged.com, she was instantly attracted to me, Goddess knows why. She flirted with me, though I failed to immediately see it. Under any other circumstances she could've been the mythical "Third" Fran and I had one day hoped to meet, though to be fair, more I than Fran.

Except she'd already met and been with April for a bit over two months. At first her girlfriend seemed fine, and Fran and I were only meeting them as new friends. I hadn't noticed that my new friend had been flirting with me online, and, being my usual thick-skulled self, failed to notice further flirting when we all met at McDonald's. Fran did. Fran actually at first kind of liked April.

To keep this from spiralling into a short novel, I'll skip right into the next week when May admitted for reasons I choose to keep private that she wanted me. We decided to spend more time with them to get to know them.

I really should have trusted Fran's gut and kept my distance at this point. Fran liked May well enough, and we loved May's kids, but we'd both observed that April was a childish irresponsible self-absorbed twat. She was constantly swearing and flashing her chest and genitals in the presence of the children. She had shown them porn to see how they'd react. She never got up to help clean up. She was constantly wasting money that should've been keeping the fridge full on frivolous things, and flirting with Fran in VERY inappropriate aggressive ways with the kids watching.

By her own admission, May knew the kids loved us instantly, whereas two months in the elder two had only just gotten used to April and the youngest still avoided her. The youngest, at three, still wasn't potty-trained, and April was doing nothing to help. After Fran and I both admitted we weren't attracted to April, April suddenly became very neurotic. To a point this was understandable, as she feared losing May to me. But she was offered EVERY chance, asked POINT BLANK if she wanted May and I to NOT get involved.

In the ONLY example April has EVER shown of putting someone else first, she kept insisting she wanted May to be happy and was okay with it, but guilt-tripped us every time we somuch as hugged. Fran had feelings for May too but refused to risk her heart while April was still in the picture, and I decided to take the high road and be just friends with May.

Unfortunately this was too little too late. April knew May was in love with me and continued to guilt-trip us any time we showed each other even slight affection. We tried, for the sake of not causing drama, to tolerate it. Eventually we just stopped visiting them regularly.

This past week May asked us to take her kids for a few days. As April had repeatedly ignored advice to stop getting new pets, (at last count they were up to 5 cats, a rabbit, 5 guinea pigs, three mice and four rats), they had a serious flea infestation, and needed the kids out while they fumigated.

While in our custody we noticed that the youngest had a huge bruise on his leg. When we asked the kids about the bruising, they told us that April "likes to hurt them".

I had bitten my tongue about April's lazy irresponsibility and even about May putting keeping April happy often before the kids' well-being. My conscience wouldn't let me ignore this. So I told May.

Long story short, huge drama. April denied it, May and I ended up fighting over it, and the kids started changing their story.

April messaged me on Facebook to whine in defense of the accusation. I tried to ignore her and not get into it with her, but she kept whining, and the self-absorbed "Oh Poor Me" bullshit was the last straw. She didn't ONCE mention worrying about the kids, or if they were okay, it was all me this and me that. Once again all she cared about was herself.

So I fired off on her telling her to get her shit together and put the kids first before they get taken away by the social worker who's already breathing down May's neck. Then I blocked her.

May bitched at me for flipping out on April. She said if we didn't stop bickering she'd kick BOTH of us out of her life. Since I actually gave a shit about May and her kids, I told her I could live with losing her if it meant April was gone and the kids were safe.

More drama ensued and Fran I decided enough is enough. We both love May, we both love the kids, but as long as May was going to sit by being spineless while April was screwing up the kids' lives, we were washing our hands of it.

I took the kids home, told May to have a nice life but to leave us the hell alone because the Drama was killing me.

I then blocked her phone number, and blocked and deleted her online. The only way she can talk to me now is commenting here or coming to my house. And I doubt she'll do either. I DO wonder if she feels any sadness over losing me, but in the end it isn't my problem. Until she puts her kids above all else and throws April out on her lazy worthless self-absorbed ass, she has no place in our lives. And sadly I think it'll take losing her kids again for her to realize how destructive April is.

Fran says if she ever wises up and loses April she'll happily talkj to MaY again, and that she can be with us where she always should've been. Me? I hope I never see her again. May knows how to manipulate me. May knows my weaknesses. May could have me at her knees in a heartbeat if she really wanted to. But right now May doesn't deserve me.

I chose to walk away. So I know it's my own fault my heart hurts. I just wish she didn't still own a piece of it.