Sometimes I forget. I really do. I forget how it can take just ONE transphobic cocksucker to completely destroy me and reduce me to feeling like a fat ugly freakish blob of worthlessness.
I just got home from a night in jail you see. Technically I was in jail because I had a warrant out for my arrest, for a failure to appear at a court date I didn't even know I'd had, for a bogus shoplifting charge I thought I'd beaten a few months ago. But as I don't break the law, chances are I'd have never been in a position to have this warrant discovered had it not been for the transphobic cocksucker at Safeway.
See last night Fran and I made the two hour trip out to Port Coquitlam to meet my mom. We were waiting for her at the plaza near her house and I dipped into the Safeway to use the bathroom. On my way back out of the store a middle eastern man identifying himself as store security forced me physically back inside the store, choked me and said I was under arrest for trespassing, because, he said, I was violating a condition of my arrest from two weeks before by being on Safeway Property.
Now, how I managed to be in his store on Christmas Eve stealing hot dogs and DVD's when I was home on Swine flu Quarantine puking every half hour is a miracle I don't think I'm magic enough to be capable of, but the fact is he was insisting I was the man he'd arrested that night and screaming at me about being a perverted faggot for going into the women's washroom wearing a skirt.
So my night from hell begins with my being ungendered by a security guard insisting I'm a man and lying through his teeth about a non-existant prior arrest to justify his accosting of me and excessive force. I couldn't breathe as he was choking me. But by the time I convinced trhe store manager to check my id to confirm I'm female and check their own records to confirm my claim that the douchebag was lying, (I take a little comfort in the angry look the manager gave him at that point), the police had already been called.
So I apparently had a court date on December 19th that I missed. Mostly because no one bloody informed me I HAD one. So because of the warrant I was arrested. The minute I set foot in the cell the flashbacks began. I was fighting them the entire night. On the bright side, the cops at the police station respected the F on my ID and put me in the women's section.
The sheriffs at the courthouse this morning, not so much.
They put me in with men. They refused to feed me when they fed everyone else. When I complained of getting groped they said there was no one any of those guys would touch my fat ass, I probably just wanted them to because I was a little tranny faggot. Even the female officer ignored my claims of rape flashbacks. They made me wait FOUR HOURS after the Judge, (The only one in the whole damn Courthouse to read the notes and respect my gender) said I was free to go.
So let's review.
In the past 24 hours, I've been misgendered, physically and verbally assaulted, fat shamed, slut shamed, sexually assaulted while in custody, endangered by the Sheriffs who were supposede to keep me safe in custody, and generally made to feel like a fat ugly faggot in a dress, all because a prick with a badge didn't like me using the women's bathroom in his store.
God I want to fucking die.
I have court again on Monday for the bogus shoplifting charge I thought I'd beaten. I'm tired. I'm going to plead guilty and ask for Time Served despite being innocent because I don't have any faith in the Justice System anymore. In a case of my word against a cis male security gaurd, I won't win. I'm just the freak tranny, who's going to believe me?