I'm sure we all agree one of the worst things about t3h interwebs is that for many people it's an excuse to cross boundaries they (hopefully) would not in real life. People who would never crack jokes about Rape or Abortion in real life happily create entire message board threads, photoshop pictures and memes dedicated to such topics. If you've even so much as HEARD about 4chan, /b/tards, or Encyclopedia Dramatica, you know all too well that the very worst in human nature is frequently traded online for the lulz, in ways only the most socially reviled people would ever utter aloud in person.
A lesser example of this phenomenon is personal boundaries. On the internet, people will ask you the most tactless questions you would rarely hear so bluntly in person. I got one such question today. While it certainly wasn't near the crude crap level of 4chan, it was still pretty crass and tactless, and lacking any sense of "Is this an okay question to ask of a complete stranger?"
Some of you who read me regularly online know that I have somehow for reasons I will never comprehend become close friends online with some women who work in Adult films. A few of them even think of me like a sister and have publicly said as much on Twitter.
I know why I love them. My working theory is they love me for pretty much the same reason. They treat me with respect. They treat me like a human being. They accept me fully as a woman and they never question it or give me grief about my bits not matching my soul. And I have always treated them the same. They're people, what they do for a living has no bearing on who they are or their worth as a person.
Today, on my Formspring account, an anonymous user asked me this about the closest of my sisters-in-porn.
- "Since **** ****** still escorts and is doing work for dogfart dot com [GH, WMMGB and BonC]. If you had the opportunity would you have sex with **** ******? Any other Pornstars that you would like to do?"
I don't follow what the woman he asked about does for work. I know she still does porn, I don't much care. She's happy and healthy and enjoys her life. But she's like a sister to me. I don't talk about porn when I'm on the phone with her. We talk about life, kids, family, etc. We talk sex sometimes but not in any way pornified, we talk about it like best friends or sisters would. But we don't talk about who she's working for, or what kind of scene she's got scheduled, or who she most or least likes working with. And we sure as hell don't talk about the idea of her and I someday fucking. I don't imagine the thought ever crossed her mind, and it hasn't crossed mine since LONG before I knew her.
I don't think of my friends in Porn in terms of fucking, I think of them as people I'm friends with who HAPPEN to do sex work. There are a few if they hit on me I'd certainly not say no, but I don't think about it happening. I respect them enough to be honest, the ones I wouldn't refuse know who they are, and they respect me for admitting to that thought process while not ever actively persuing it. The only reason it's ever come up in conversation is when they were asking me questions about my short erotica stories, and what inspires me.
Usually it was brought up as a joke and being my way I'd answer honestly, either 'Well, yes if you really wanted to and you made the first move', or, for the ones I proudly call sister, "No, I don't think of you that way, you're like family". And they respect my honesty, but these are not every day conversations.
Of the 15 porn actresses that I actually call friend, who publicly call me friuend also, the subject has only ever come up with 5 of them, usually as a joke, and never awkwardly, and pretty much forgotten afterwards. It has never been a regular line of conversation, nor would i wish it to be. When we do discuss sex stuff, it's usually in a galpal way, and never has any undertones of it involving them and I. To my knowledge only ONE of them actually would fuck me if the opportunity ever presented itself, but even then we don't much dwell on it because the opportunity isn't terribly likely to ever occur.
But because they happen to be porn stars, and have publicly acknowledged me as someone they love to bits, I get questions from their fans asking me if I want to or even ever have fucked them.
Now maybe I'm naive but I'd really like to think that very few men would walk up to me in real life and ask me if I have or would want to fuck (Insert name here). That's a question I'd humor only from a good friend who asked out of curiousity. If a guy asked me that in real life I'd possibly slap him.
But here on the internet there are no such risks involved with stupid tactless invasive questions. Guys feel like not only is it perfectly okay to ask a woman they've never spoken to before about her sexual proclivities with famous pornstars, but seem genuinely pissed off when I decline to answer as if I'M the one being rude and trashy by declining to humour them.
Only on the internet.
PS - No I will not name names. If you really care which pornstars a chubby girl is friends with check my Twitter. I will not pass along fan messages when I'm on the phone with any of them. I will not give shout-outs. And I will not ask them prying sex questions on your behalf. They are my FRIENDS and I am not going to mistreat them for you because you can't seperate their job from their hearts. You know who you are.
Yeah I know, someone with class on the internet. Told you I was a freak.