While websurfing I came across many ignorant articles by Religious haters protesting any attempt to repeal DOMA in the United States. (DOMA for those who don't know is the Defense Of Marriage Act, a law rife with bigotry that basically makes it perpetually okay to refuse same-sex marriage rights).
On THIS article one of the comments insisting that anti-gay marriage movements are NOT bigoted thinking but in fact "based in reality" annoyed me enough to rant. So I did.
I don't know yet if that site will publish my comment, since it (IMHO) so decisively dissects their garbage thinking, so just in case, I'm posting it here on the Hedon Blog as an official statement from the Shaman of Hedon on why religious belief has no goddamn business dictating what the law is. NONE. Not even mine. I don't support Same-Sex Marriage because Hedon teaches that true equality includes GLBT folks, I support it because every human being has the RIGHT to have the exact same human rights as everyone else. So here's the comment I posted.
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Actually, no, there is nothing "realistic" about religious opposition to GLBT equality. It very much IS bigotry, no matter what Catholics and Christians keep telling themselves to believe their ignorance and hate is "spreading God's will" and therefore a just loving act. But when it comes right down to it, those who support DOMA and actively devote time and energy to fighting to prevent GLBT equality, (Often using deplorable scare tactics and never any actual facts), cannot EVER provide ONE SINGLE REASON that is not based in their own personal religious beliefs for denying GLBT equality. NOT ONE. EVER. Every reason for denying it is solely based in religious belief, which by the principle of the intended separation of Church and State should have absolutely no influence on the law. But since Politicians often not only give in TO religious bullying, but often allow their own religious views to dictate their policy, it's clear the separation of Church and State is just a wistful myth; it just doesn't exist, and that's why America has gone to shit.
Churches are spending HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of dollars to fight Gay Marriage. Money that could be buying blankets for homeless shelters, or funding after school programs for inner city youth, or helping their own goddamn fellow parishes NOT have to close down for lack of funds.
Tell me how those priorities aren't seriously misguided?
The Bible says you can sell your daughter into slavery and stone your neighbor to death if he works on the Sabbath. I don't see Christians fanatically preaching THOSE quotes left right and center, do you? No, because they know no one would condone that garbage. But most people fear what they don't understand, so Christian blowhards will happily misquote the Bible horribly to fear-monger about gay folks to scare people into supporting them.
ANY Religious objection to legalizing Gay Marriage is bigotry and bullying. That is a inarguable FACT.
The California businessman who spent the most money helping fight Prop 8 is divorcing his wife after HE cheated on her and is desperately throwing money at a legal defense aimed at making sure she's left all but destitute. Is that the "sanctity of marriage" you nutcases are fighting so hard to protect?
Same Sex Marriage has been legal in Canada for four years. Guess what? Our society has yet to collapse! In fact, the economy up here has been saved from reaching the underground shithole levels that America's has because of the income the government generates from Gay Marriage; tourism, license fees, new business opportunities for gay friendly businesses that pay taxes. Cases of sexual assault on children have NOT gone up because we allowed gays to marry. (Not at all surprising since more pedophiles are heterosexual practicing Catholics than are ever gay men). Gay marriage has done Canada nothing but good. Sulfur and ash has not fallen from the sky. People are not turning into salt. My wife has helped me grow as a human being and helped my health and self-esteem improve greatly.
There is no logic, sanity, or compassion in the Religious Right's attacks on equality. And yes, equality, not special rights. To be able to marry the one you love is a HUMAN right, not a special right.
I dare any Christian/Catholic/Muslim/Jew/Other to give one ONE SINGLE VALID REASON BASED SOLELY IN FACT THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO BASIS IN ANY RELIGIOUS BELIEF WHATSOEVER why GLBT folks should be denied their human rights.
In TWELVE years of my asking bible thumpers that question, not a single one has every succeeded in answering it without deferring to their faith. NOT ONE. And I've asked thousands.
If you condemn another human being for not sharing your beliefs,or for being different than you, you're a bigot, period. You can't argue your way out of it with fancy language. No matter what nice little platitudes you tell yourself to convince yourself it's okay to hate, it's still hate.
God loves. Man kills.
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As a personal aside, I've said what I'm about to say next in comments sections all over the web for years, but I feel given the rest of this blog I ought to restate it here.
THREE INDISPUTABLE FACTS ABOUT BIBLE PROOF THAT HOMOSEXUALITY IS WRONG.
1) Leviticus 18:22 is translated: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."
This is the quote singularly most often used as a weapon of hate against Homosexuality. The problem is that NO ONE on this earth knows the full context or dialogue of the original Aramaic, a very big issue given that the Bible has been translated and re-translated so many times that there is absolutely NO possible way that it speaks exactly the same message as the original, due to the fallibility of human beings doing the translating and the inescapable risk of broken-telephone syndrome. The other problem is that it takes very little effort to research how the english language has evolved and changed since the last major translation that produced this quote. in THAT day and age? the word "lie" had no connection to the word "lay". Lay was the ONLY word in the King's English that meant laying down or laying in bed. To Lie meant ONLY to be dishonest. In light of this inarguable fact of grammar and language of the time, the quote therefore has absolutely nothing to do with sexuality at all. Especially given that the Bible teaches that women are property, not people. So this quote is not telling you "If you're a man, don't fuck other men", it's the Bible equivalent of "Bros before Ho's dude."
2) Sodom and Gommorah were not destroyed because of homosexual behavior. Certainly not in a book that condones Incest, Bigamy, and slaughtering a race of people who don't follow God to steal their land because God says it's a Holy Land just for his children, ignoring the idea that ALL men were God's children. No, S & G were destroyed because they were bad hosts, in the desert, a crime of unforgivable apathy when being an inattentive host can cause a traveler's death in the desert.
3) There is absolutely NOTHING written in ANY version of the Bible ANYWHERE that mentions, directly or indirectly, pro or con, Lesbian love or transsexuality. The closest it ever comes to either is forbidding MEN to wear a woman's clothing, but even that would only apply to Crossdressers. Since a Transsexual woman is a woman in mind and soul, she is NOT a man wearing women's garments, she's a woman, period. And this doesn't cover Female-To-Male transsexuals at ALL.
So let's review.
- The Quote most often used to condemn Homosexuality has nothing to do with sex or sexuality, it's about dishonesty.
- The chapters on Sodom and Gomorrah are about the sin of leaving travelers helpless to the elements in the desert, not punishment for sex.
- The Bible CONDONES Incest, (Cain and his wife, Noah and his immediate family repopulating earth all on their own, King Solomon and his daughters), Bigamy, (Joseph of the Coat Of Many Colors is just ONE example), and Racial Genocide, (God sending the Jews to wipe out Palestine's people and steal it as their own because the Palestinians did not worship him), but says NOTHING about Homosexuality being wrong that isn't read falsely into it through misquoting and misinterpreting the translation's grammar context.
- And the Bible says absolutely NOT ONE WORD AT ALL about Lesbianism, Bisexuality, or Transsexuality, and can at BEST vaguely be claimed to be disdainful of Crossdressing.
The entire Bible Basis for Anti-Gay rhetoric is based on either misread translations or outright non-existent messages, while blithely ignoring blatant examples of the Bible condoning deplorable behavior.
And the only argument any Bible Thumping loudmouth windbag has EVER offered in defense of these facts is "You have no right to question the Word of God!". Except the Bible was written by MEN, not God. Men who claimed they spoke on God's behalf, men who were fallible, men who were influenced by superstition, fear, and a very limited understanding of how the world worked.
9/11/2009
Examining Male Idiocy
We all know men are generally idiots. We know that men have a seemingly instinctive belief that it's their privilege and right to harass, hit on, and paw at women. Male privilege lets men believe women's only reason for existing is to fawn over them and spread their legs at the flash of a smile.
This of course, is not new. Every woman knows this.
Online it's worse. At least in real life, most men realize they have to try to at least appear to be civilized and respectful in public, and save their gropey gropey mindset for private situations in offices or at drunken nightclub outings.
But on the good old interwebs, that "Someone might see me being a douche" safety net goes bye bye. Every day over on MySpace I get around 5 messages a day from single assholes who can't be bothered to read the big uppercase "NO MEN" in my profile and message me proposing marriage or asking for sex outright, and the messages are ALWAYS worded in a way that says they have no doubt in their minds that I'll jump at the chance. And of course, if I rightfully get grumpy at their ignorant come ons, they never apologize for their presumptions, they cuss at me and call me a stuck-up tightass bitch for not wanting them.
Male privilege. It lets them believe that any woman offended by them being rude, pushy, obnoxious, etcetera, is the one who has the problem. After all, we're the women, we exist for their needs, how dare we even consider refusing their charms?
Worse are the ones who DO read the "NO MEN" disclaimer and decide it's not serious. You know, the guy who thinks a lesbian is just a woman who has not yet experienced HIS magical cock, and if she'd just fuck him she'd never munch carpet again. Which is a terribly odd contradiction to how much men WANT to watch women lick pussy. But hey, Men's thinking has never made much sense.
As on example, one such asshat messaged me on Smutvibes some time ago, doing exactly that. He seemed utterly convinced that I only put "NO MEN"in my profile to encourage real men to pursue me and overcome my "defense mechanism".
This is the "About Me" of his profile. I've been kind enough to not include his username or his publicly offered msn address.
"I am real. I like women. I don't like men. I especially don't like men who dress as women, or men who pretend they are women. If I was going to pretend to be anything (and dress up for it) I would pick astronaut, or maybe jet-pilot... a flight suit has GOT to be more awesome than a thong. If you are a "lesbian" who complains in their headline that "men can't read" and "don't add me..." well, I did it because you are probably fake, and it's fun to annoy you. If you are a real woman, and ladies you have to prove it, we can chat and see where it goes. I am funny, smart, sexy, and... did I say funny?"
Okay, let's dissect this stunning example of how damn near every male mind on the internet thinks.
He thinks he's being funny and cute with his quasi-homophobic sexism. His about me shows three clear examples of the male privilege assumptions most men use to justify objectifying and harassing us.
1) "If you are a "lesbian" who complains in their headline that "men can't read" and "don't add me..." well, I did it because you are probably fake,"
- The male assumption that any woman who claims to be a lesbian is probably lying, faking, or hasn't had the right man fuck her yet. Men just can't accept that lesbians really exist. Men remain firmly convinced that there IS no such thing as a woman who is completely and utterly uninterested in them, because they are after all, men, and we as women only exist to meet their needs anyway right?
2) "If you are a real woman, and ladies you have to prove it, we can chat and see where it goes."
- Again, the male presumption is that all the responsibility is on the woman. He absolves himself of responsibility for his harassing behavior messaging women rudely by putting the onus on the woman to prove she's real, ignoring the fact she likely had no interest in him to begin with and thus no obligation to prove anything to him. He also again ignores the lesbian idea, assuming that once these women prove to his satisfaction that they are in fact women, that they will naturally want to hook up with him for being diligent enough to make them prove their validity to him. It's a reverse method of dehumanizing the woman. By demanding that the woman is obligated to prove her identity, he's essentially suggesting she doesn't really have one, and dismissing her identity as invalid.
3) "I am funny, smart, sexy, and... did I say funny?"
- And the icing on the rancid cake, the male shrugs off his behavior thus far by insisting he's rife with attractive charming qualities that the rest of his profile has already proven he sorely lacks. He thinks that his dehumanizing of women, his dismissal of their identity and sexuality, his positioning women to have to be the ones doing all the work to be deemed worthy of his attention, is all just part of his charm and sex appeal. In his mind, none of his bad behavior is wrong, women deserve to be treated as he treats them, and dammit, they should be attracted to and aroused by his misogyny. He also thinks his sexist rhetoric is funny, which exemplifies the male tendency to find amusement in the demeaning of women.
I wish I fully understood what keeps men believing this crap is okay, why they think there's nothing wrong with it, why they think it's their god-given right to do so. I KNOW it's possible for men to be better than that. The (very) small circle of men I fuck are enlightened, intelligent, and respectful, and have never presumed anything with me. That's why I'm so goddamn picky about men. There are so few good ones. But there ARE good ones.
Of course the good ones will often be chastised by all the assholes as not being real men, or not manly enough, etc etc. Apparently all the things about men we despise as women are what men generally believe makes them "real" men.
Pity they're all so wrong. The world's male population is 1% real men, and 99% obnoxious little boys in mens bodies.
This of course, is not new. Every woman knows this.
Online it's worse. At least in real life, most men realize they have to try to at least appear to be civilized and respectful in public, and save their gropey gropey mindset for private situations in offices or at drunken nightclub outings.
But on the good old interwebs, that "Someone might see me being a douche" safety net goes bye bye. Every day over on MySpace I get around 5 messages a day from single assholes who can't be bothered to read the big uppercase "NO MEN" in my profile and message me proposing marriage or asking for sex outright, and the messages are ALWAYS worded in a way that says they have no doubt in their minds that I'll jump at the chance. And of course, if I rightfully get grumpy at their ignorant come ons, they never apologize for their presumptions, they cuss at me and call me a stuck-up tightass bitch for not wanting them.
Male privilege. It lets them believe that any woman offended by them being rude, pushy, obnoxious, etcetera, is the one who has the problem. After all, we're the women, we exist for their needs, how dare we even consider refusing their charms?
Worse are the ones who DO read the "NO MEN" disclaimer and decide it's not serious. You know, the guy who thinks a lesbian is just a woman who has not yet experienced HIS magical cock, and if she'd just fuck him she'd never munch carpet again. Which is a terribly odd contradiction to how much men WANT to watch women lick pussy. But hey, Men's thinking has never made much sense.
As on example, one such asshat messaged me on Smutvibes some time ago, doing exactly that. He seemed utterly convinced that I only put "NO MEN"in my profile to encourage real men to pursue me and overcome my "defense mechanism".
This is the "About Me" of his profile. I've been kind enough to not include his username or his publicly offered msn address.
"I am real. I like women. I don't like men. I especially don't like men who dress as women, or men who pretend they are women. If I was going to pretend to be anything (and dress up for it) I would pick astronaut, or maybe jet-pilot... a flight suit has GOT to be more awesome than a thong. If you are a "lesbian" who complains in their headline that "men can't read" and "don't add me..." well, I did it because you are probably fake, and it's fun to annoy you. If you are a real woman, and ladies you have to prove it, we can chat and see where it goes. I am funny, smart, sexy, and... did I say funny?"
Okay, let's dissect this stunning example of how damn near every male mind on the internet thinks.
He thinks he's being funny and cute with his quasi-homophobic sexism. His about me shows three clear examples of the male privilege assumptions most men use to justify objectifying and harassing us.
1) "If you are a "lesbian" who complains in their headline that "men can't read" and "don't add me..." well, I did it because you are probably fake,"
- The male assumption that any woman who claims to be a lesbian is probably lying, faking, or hasn't had the right man fuck her yet. Men just can't accept that lesbians really exist. Men remain firmly convinced that there IS no such thing as a woman who is completely and utterly uninterested in them, because they are after all, men, and we as women only exist to meet their needs anyway right?
2) "If you are a real woman, and ladies you have to prove it, we can chat and see where it goes."
- Again, the male presumption is that all the responsibility is on the woman. He absolves himself of responsibility for his harassing behavior messaging women rudely by putting the onus on the woman to prove she's real, ignoring the fact she likely had no interest in him to begin with and thus no obligation to prove anything to him. He also again ignores the lesbian idea, assuming that once these women prove to his satisfaction that they are in fact women, that they will naturally want to hook up with him for being diligent enough to make them prove their validity to him. It's a reverse method of dehumanizing the woman. By demanding that the woman is obligated to prove her identity, he's essentially suggesting she doesn't really have one, and dismissing her identity as invalid.
3) "I am funny, smart, sexy, and... did I say funny?"
- And the icing on the rancid cake, the male shrugs off his behavior thus far by insisting he's rife with attractive charming qualities that the rest of his profile has already proven he sorely lacks. He thinks that his dehumanizing of women, his dismissal of their identity and sexuality, his positioning women to have to be the ones doing all the work to be deemed worthy of his attention, is all just part of his charm and sex appeal. In his mind, none of his bad behavior is wrong, women deserve to be treated as he treats them, and dammit, they should be attracted to and aroused by his misogyny. He also thinks his sexist rhetoric is funny, which exemplifies the male tendency to find amusement in the demeaning of women.
I wish I fully understood what keeps men believing this crap is okay, why they think there's nothing wrong with it, why they think it's their god-given right to do so. I KNOW it's possible for men to be better than that. The (very) small circle of men I fuck are enlightened, intelligent, and respectful, and have never presumed anything with me. That's why I'm so goddamn picky about men. There are so few good ones. But there ARE good ones.
Of course the good ones will often be chastised by all the assholes as not being real men, or not manly enough, etc etc. Apparently all the things about men we despise as women are what men generally believe makes them "real" men.
Pity they're all so wrong. The world's male population is 1% real men, and 99% obnoxious little boys in mens bodies.
9/10/2009
Wishing to Understand the Cruelty of my own Mind.
This was going to be the second "New Hedon Word of the Week" post, but I'm numb today and I can't think up a new word. I'd had a rotten week and I'm finding it difficult to be mirthful.
Our oldest male cat Alex died on Monday, after a weekend of pain and suffering.
We called 15 different local Vets. Not ONE would treat him. Not unless we paid half the surgery cost up front. That means since we couldn't afford $400 on the spot, we had to watch Alex die, untreated. All we could do was make him as comfortable as possible and wait for him to stop fighting. We buried him under the mint bush.
So I'm angry this week to begin with. Angry that money was a higher priority to 15 goddamned ANIMAL DOCTORS than making sure AN ANIMAL wouldn't die. Why be a vet at all if the care of a sick animal isn't your top priority?
So I wasn't really in the best state of mind to begin with. Then the week got worse.
Someone I idolized poked giant gaping holes in my self-esteem. Which ruined for me the otherwise kickass experience of two popular pornstars saying things to me unsolicited that should have seriously boosted it.
I won't name them, that would be bragging. One thinks I'm cute and sweet for making her a virtual tee-shirt in support of her friend, the other said she'd fuck me because I used an old term no one uses anymore. For a chubby average looking intersexed girl whose only good feature is a giant natural rack, that should've utterly made my week better. Instead, anger at vets, and disappointment that an idol could care less about a milestone in my life that I partially credited her for helping me achieve made the honest compliments from beautiful women feel bittersweet.
Two beautiful women, women that men the world over lust after, and would give anything to even just meet and talk let alone fuck them...... they said nice things to me without being coaxed or goaded or solicited to. They said them because they wanted to, and meant them. And I should be fucking over the moon about it. I'm an overweight ugly woman with a penis, how often do the beautiful people EVER notice a girl like me without being nasty?
I should be ecstatic. I should be bragging. I should be looking into a plane ticket to California to call the one girl's bluff and see if she actually would fuck me. But somehow I just feel uglier, emptier, and I don't know why. My own mind is far crueller to me than anyone else ever is.
It can't even let me enjoy nice compliments from nice people.
I think I'll go back to bed, before this mental flagellation gets any worse, and just try to be relieved that Alex isn't suffering, and happy that pornstars think I rock.
Our oldest male cat Alex died on Monday, after a weekend of pain and suffering.
We called 15 different local Vets. Not ONE would treat him. Not unless we paid half the surgery cost up front. That means since we couldn't afford $400 on the spot, we had to watch Alex die, untreated. All we could do was make him as comfortable as possible and wait for him to stop fighting. We buried him under the mint bush.
So I'm angry this week to begin with. Angry that money was a higher priority to 15 goddamned ANIMAL DOCTORS than making sure AN ANIMAL wouldn't die. Why be a vet at all if the care of a sick animal isn't your top priority?
So I wasn't really in the best state of mind to begin with. Then the week got worse.
Someone I idolized poked giant gaping holes in my self-esteem. Which ruined for me the otherwise kickass experience of two popular pornstars saying things to me unsolicited that should have seriously boosted it.
I won't name them, that would be bragging. One thinks I'm cute and sweet for making her a virtual tee-shirt in support of her friend, the other said she'd fuck me because I used an old term no one uses anymore. For a chubby average looking intersexed girl whose only good feature is a giant natural rack, that should've utterly made my week better. Instead, anger at vets, and disappointment that an idol could care less about a milestone in my life that I partially credited her for helping me achieve made the honest compliments from beautiful women feel bittersweet.
Two beautiful women, women that men the world over lust after, and would give anything to even just meet and talk let alone fuck them...... they said nice things to me without being coaxed or goaded or solicited to. They said them because they wanted to, and meant them. And I should be fucking over the moon about it. I'm an overweight ugly woman with a penis, how often do the beautiful people EVER notice a girl like me without being nasty?
I should be ecstatic. I should be bragging. I should be looking into a plane ticket to California to call the one girl's bluff and see if she actually would fuck me. But somehow I just feel uglier, emptier, and I don't know why. My own mind is far crueller to me than anyone else ever is.
It can't even let me enjoy nice compliments from nice people.
I think I'll go back to bed, before this mental flagellation gets any worse, and just try to be relieved that Alex isn't suffering, and happy that pornstars think I rock.
9/04/2009
It was just a joke...
DISCLAIMER; I am not angry at Meandering Muse. She's a cool badass chickie and I consider her a friend on the internet. I'm posting this blog entry to answer her confusion in her most recent blog, here, as to why some of her trans readers got upset that she chose to use the word "tranny" instead of "transgendered" in what she believed was a cute funny way. Now I know some of my sisters, (you know who you are), would immediately write off Muse as just another privileged cis bitch who doesn't understand us and blah blah hate hate etc etc, but I know Muse is a cool intelligent woman who honestly meant well. Not understanding why a word hurts is NOT the same as intentionally seeking to hurt you with it. I love my grumpy T-sisters on Twitter but not every cis woman who makes a verbal fuck-up is out to bury us. So after reading Muse's latest blog, read as follows my polite and calm explanation to her as to why someone got pissed off at her over the word "tranny".
To my friend Meandering Muse
Since you aren't a transwoman hon you don't have the first person experience to understand this, but, the problem with "tranny" is that it's Nigger. Kike. Gook. Fag. It's a hate word, a weapon word. It cannot be reclaimed or disarmed, and you cannot use it as a joke or a cutesy shortcut because "transgendered" sounds too "clinical and scientific and boring."
If you, as a cis woman use it, no matter how light-hearted your intent sweetie, you're GOING to piss transfolk off.
Secondly, "transgender" does in fact cover those who never transition or have surgery, because it's a blanket term invented by Crossdressers to co-opt the gender issues of various transsexuals and intersex folks, in order to pass off their silly harmless sexual fetish as something they cannot control the same way a transsexual can't change the gender gap between their body and brain without medical assistance.
While I know enough to know that you as a cis lesbian woman probably did genuinely believe you were being cute and can't understand why anyone would be upset, because of your own privilege, (and yes, even lesbians have privilege over transwomen), I sadly know several embittered transwomen (whom I love anyway) who've gotten the shaft from life more than I have in regards to dealing with the privileged assumptions of cis women, some openly haters, some who just don't fully understand their own language mistakes.
You cannot use "tranny" to crack a joke or be cute. You're not trans. You haven't earned the right. You may as well be a white man cracking nigger jokes. Would you think he was really just trying to be cute? And even if in his ignorance of how it really feels to a POC to be called nigger he honestly did think he was only being cute and funny, would that excuse his misinformed use of the word?
No one can ever safely use a weaponized hate word a funny cuteness. Someone will always take offense to it. There IS no safe way to use a hate word cutely. I hope you can understand why the other person or persons got so upset with you now that I've explained it to you calmly without yelling.
I greatly appreciate your supportiveness to trans/is issues, but that supportiveness is not an excuse to use a word that hurts us as joking cuteness. There is no free pass for hatespeech, not even that which was genuinely intended to just be funny.
It's the little things sweetie. The little things like this are a big part of what stops people from changing.
After all, doesn't it horrify you every time some idiot college jock cracks a "joke" about rape like it's really no big deal?
A non-trans saying the word tranny as a cute joke is a very big deal to transfolk. And no matter how good the intention, no good can come of doing it.
PERSONAL ASIDE; As I was typing this, I find it very disturbing that the spellchecker happily identified tranny as a possibly misspelled word, (which is good), but it never once flagged nigger or any of the other racist words I cited as examples of how hateful a word Tranny is. So.... does this mean "Nigger" is actually in the goddamn dictionary??? WTF???
To my friend Meandering Muse
Since you aren't a transwoman hon you don't have the first person experience to understand this, but, the problem with "tranny" is that it's Nigger. Kike. Gook. Fag. It's a hate word, a weapon word. It cannot be reclaimed or disarmed, and you cannot use it as a joke or a cutesy shortcut because "transgendered" sounds too "clinical and scientific and boring."
If you, as a cis woman use it, no matter how light-hearted your intent sweetie, you're GOING to piss transfolk off.
Secondly, "transgender" does in fact cover those who never transition or have surgery, because it's a blanket term invented by Crossdressers to co-opt the gender issues of various transsexuals and intersex folks, in order to pass off their silly harmless sexual fetish as something they cannot control the same way a transsexual can't change the gender gap between their body and brain without medical assistance.
While I know enough to know that you as a cis lesbian woman probably did genuinely believe you were being cute and can't understand why anyone would be upset, because of your own privilege, (and yes, even lesbians have privilege over transwomen), I sadly know several embittered transwomen (whom I love anyway) who've gotten the shaft from life more than I have in regards to dealing with the privileged assumptions of cis women, some openly haters, some who just don't fully understand their own language mistakes.
You cannot use "tranny" to crack a joke or be cute. You're not trans. You haven't earned the right. You may as well be a white man cracking nigger jokes. Would you think he was really just trying to be cute? And even if in his ignorance of how it really feels to a POC to be called nigger he honestly did think he was only being cute and funny, would that excuse his misinformed use of the word?
No one can ever safely use a weaponized hate word a funny cuteness. Someone will always take offense to it. There IS no safe way to use a hate word cutely. I hope you can understand why the other person or persons got so upset with you now that I've explained it to you calmly without yelling.
I greatly appreciate your supportiveness to trans/is issues, but that supportiveness is not an excuse to use a word that hurts us as joking cuteness. There is no free pass for hatespeech, not even that which was genuinely intended to just be funny.
It's the little things sweetie. The little things like this are a big part of what stops people from changing.
After all, doesn't it horrify you every time some idiot college jock cracks a "joke" about rape like it's really no big deal?
A non-trans saying the word tranny as a cute joke is a very big deal to transfolk. And no matter how good the intention, no good can come of doing it.
PERSONAL ASIDE; As I was typing this, I find it very disturbing that the spellchecker happily identified tranny as a possibly misspelled word, (which is good), but it never once flagged nigger or any of the other racist words I cited as examples of how hateful a word Tranny is. So.... does this mean "Nigger" is actually in the goddamn dictionary??? WTF???
9/03/2009
New Hedon Word of the Week; Femisogynist
Here in the Trinity of Hedon, we have our own words and terms for some things. And sometimes in life, something hurts your brain so much that no existing language appropriately explains it. So I as the Shaman invent a completely new word to define the brain hurting idea.
My first weekly entry in this series is Femisogenyst, a combination of Feminist and Misogynist. It was inspired by the mind-bogglingly stupid exclusionary policies of Lu's Pharmacy For Women here in Vancouver B.C. Canada.
Explanatory Links for background information on the Lu's issue.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
With the background information out of the way, I proudly present the first ever Musings From Hedon New Word of the Week!
Femisogynist, (feh mih SAW jeh nist), Noun; A woman practicing a severely outdated and extremely aggressive form of exclusionary feminism that, instead of seeking true universal equality like true feminism should, instead redirects the sexist, bigoted and misogynist oppression they often face in life onto marginalized and vulnerable groups they view as lesser or not counting. A Femisogynist is a very narrow minded and hyper hypocritical woman who in their bigoted and hateful exclusion of transsexual and intersexed women, often citing a "women born women are the only REAL women" philosophy, fail to realize that they are treating these marginalized and vulnerable women with the exact same hateful, dehumanizing, belittling sexist patriarchal repression that they claim to be against, hiding behind gender priveledge as having been biologically female with no genital defects from birth as their excuse and justification for refusing to allow any possibility of accepting or including transwomen in their definition of who counts as a woman.
Example - "The Vancouver Womens Health collective thinks they are a progressive feminist organization, but their Femisogynist policies excluding transwomen show them to be hateful, shallow, narrow-minded and hypocritical because they inflict upon transpeople the same oppressive sexism they claim to fight."
This has been your New Hedon Word of the Week. Use it proudly and often when dealing with loud hateful cissexual women.
My first weekly entry in this series is Femisogenyst, a combination of Feminist and Misogynist. It was inspired by the mind-bogglingly stupid exclusionary policies of Lu's Pharmacy For Women here in Vancouver B.C. Canada.
Explanatory Links for background information on the Lu's issue.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
With the background information out of the way, I proudly present the first ever Musings From Hedon New Word of the Week!
Femisogynist, (feh mih SAW jeh nist), Noun; A woman practicing a severely outdated and extremely aggressive form of exclusionary feminism that, instead of seeking true universal equality like true feminism should, instead redirects the sexist, bigoted and misogynist oppression they often face in life onto marginalized and vulnerable groups they view as lesser or not counting. A Femisogynist is a very narrow minded and hyper hypocritical woman who in their bigoted and hateful exclusion of transsexual and intersexed women, often citing a "women born women are the only REAL women" philosophy, fail to realize that they are treating these marginalized and vulnerable women with the exact same hateful, dehumanizing, belittling sexist patriarchal repression that they claim to be against, hiding behind gender priveledge as having been biologically female with no genital defects from birth as their excuse and justification for refusing to allow any possibility of accepting or including transwomen in their definition of who counts as a woman.
Example - "The Vancouver Womens Health collective thinks they are a progressive feminist organization, but their Femisogynist policies excluding transwomen show them to be hateful, shallow, narrow-minded and hypocritical because they inflict upon transpeople the same oppressive sexism they claim to fight."
This has been your New Hedon Word of the Week. Use it proudly and often when dealing with loud hateful cissexual women.
Sharing My Survival.
Content warning; This account contains very graphic descriptions of sexual assault. If you have been assaulted, it could be triggering. I wrote it at my Rape Counselor's suggestion as a method of purging it, and share it in the hopes that it may somehow help other survivors of sexual trauma not feel alone.
Read at your own discretion.
***************************************
The Rapes.
When I was in my teens, I had severe anger management issues. After years of abuse from my parents, who at best were indifferent to me, and at worst, would harshly yell, berate, and/or smack me around if I tried to discuss my feelings of being a girl, and of getting beaten up at school for being different, I reached a point where I was so bitter and angry that I had no control over my temper, and would fly off the handle at often minimal irritations.
At age 15, my parents put me into a Group Home, Megan House, in Scarborough Ontario. The staff there were unsympathetic and ineffectual, blaming my anger on things that had nothing to do with it and ignoring my claims of what really caused it. A week before turning 16, I got into a huge fistfight with a Staff member and was arrested. I was sentenced to a term in Young Offender Detention, or what Americans would call Juvey.
During my teens, I used extra wide Tensor bandages to keep my breasts taped down. I hated hiding them, since I felt they vindicated my belief I was a girl, but I also knew if they were visible, I'd get my ass kicked. The first few places I was in during my sentence, I was allowed to keep the binding because the staff of those places didn't want to deal with the inevitable crap that would come of my being visible.
However, after about 11 months, I got into another fight with a guard, and, being past 16 now, got Phase 2 time added to my sentence. I was transferred to Metro Toronto West Detention Centre.
The guards here were completely unsympathetic to my situation. They took away my binding, claiming I would use it as a weapon, despite my pleas. Then, caring nothing for the possible consequences, put me into a ward full of Hard-timers. Teenage Gangsta boys, criminals, violent kids with no remorse, who hadn't touched a girl in months, and me looking like a teenage Winona Ryder.
It took 3 days before it happened. I had expected to be beaten up, as a freak, but I never expected what they did to me. I didn't think such things happened in Juvey, only in Adult prisons.
I was in the shower, thinking no one had seen me go in while everyone was distracted by two boys beating a third up. Figuring they'd all be caught up watching the fight, and having not showered yet out of fear of a beating, I snuck in to quickly shower before bed-check.
I wasn't paying attention when my face suddenly impacted the wall. Two white boys were ramming my face into the wall. After a half dozen impacts, I got weak-kneed and dizzy, and there was blood gushing from my right eyebrow. The two boys then held me flat against the wall, while 5 more boys began taking turns with me.
My legs were being held apart, while each boy, (one white, two black, one East Indian and one Asian boy), forced his.... forced his way into my rear end, tearing me open in multiple places. After a few minutes I blacked out, because I don't remember when it ended, or how long it lasted. I just remember the guards shaking me awake in the shower, a stream of blood still trickling from back there to the shower drain.
I asked to go to the hospital but the guards scoffed. They ordered me to dry off and get dressed, and put me in my cell. One of the boys from the shower, the East Indian, was my cellmate, and he repeated the violation every night for 3 months until I got another transfer. I tried to fight him for 4 nights straight, but he'd always beat on me until I couldn't resist. by the 5th night, I just started laying still so it would hurt less, biting my pillow so he wouldn't get the thrill of hearing me scream.
My parents accepted an "out of court" settlement from the prison when I tried to seek legal action. It would better have been called a bribe. The West didn't want it known their staff had such indifference to these kinds of situations, or even that these kinds of situations happened. My parents didn't want their freak child becoming public knowledge. I was forced to sign an agreement absolving The West of all liability. So as soon as I was able, I left home. I no longer communicate with the majority of my family.
18 years later and I still have nightmares. Every single night. I'm a chronic insomniac, and when I do sleep, I sleep during the day, because I'm afraid to sleep in the dark, alone. I've been in counseling for trauma survival for 3 years now, at WAVAW, or Women Against Violence Against Women. The counseling has helped me a lot, but there's still a lot of work to do before I can truly let it go and move on.
It was 6 years before I was able to attempt to be intimate with anyone. It was another 3 before I finally told someone what had happened, and sought counseling.
I have permanent physical reminders of the horror.
My right eyebrow suffered permanent nerve damage, and naturally droops, which is visible enough that I see it every time I look into the mirror.
I cannot have a bowel movement comfortably. My sphincter and anus suffered so much tearing and damage there there is permanent nerve, tissue, and muscle damage. My sphincter cannot stretch much and does not accommodate movements easily, and i frequently suffer from small stress tears called "fissures". I often see red water before I flush, and suffer frequent dizzy spells from the blood loss.
But despite all of this, despite the trauma, the scars, the damage, the nightmares, I survived. I'm still here. They hurt me, they violated me, but I am still here.
I survived, and to other survivors of this horrible violation of a woman's very core, I say this;
We're still alive. They didn't break us. We beat them, because we live. Never forget that we are survivors, and we are stronger than the cowards who hurt us. We have power over our own destinies, not them.
Rape Crisis Resources.
http://www.wavaw.ca/ (Where I got my Counseling, Vancouver BC Canada)
http://www.rapecrisis.org.nz (New Zealand)
www.feminist.org/911/resources.html
http://www.angelfire.com/va3/was/Rape_Crisis_English.html
http://www.aardvarc.org/
http://www.resourcesforwomen.com/rape.htm
Personal Reccomendation; If you live in Vancouver BC Canada, call WAVAW, do not EVER seek help from Vancouver Rape Relief. Unless you look like June Cleaver and were a virgin at the time of rape, these Femisogenyst women will NOT be supportive of you.
For other resources, or local help lines, consult Yahoo Web Search, or Consult your local Telephone directory.
This account may be copied and shared with my express permission. For permission to use this account, please e-mail me at theaerie@shaw.ca
- Penny Sautereau-Fife
Read at your own discretion.
***************************************
The Rapes.
When I was in my teens, I had severe anger management issues. After years of abuse from my parents, who at best were indifferent to me, and at worst, would harshly yell, berate, and/or smack me around if I tried to discuss my feelings of being a girl, and of getting beaten up at school for being different, I reached a point where I was so bitter and angry that I had no control over my temper, and would fly off the handle at often minimal irritations.
At age 15, my parents put me into a Group Home, Megan House, in Scarborough Ontario. The staff there were unsympathetic and ineffectual, blaming my anger on things that had nothing to do with it and ignoring my claims of what really caused it. A week before turning 16, I got into a huge fistfight with a Staff member and was arrested. I was sentenced to a term in Young Offender Detention, or what Americans would call Juvey.
During my teens, I used extra wide Tensor bandages to keep my breasts taped down. I hated hiding them, since I felt they vindicated my belief I was a girl, but I also knew if they were visible, I'd get my ass kicked. The first few places I was in during my sentence, I was allowed to keep the binding because the staff of those places didn't want to deal with the inevitable crap that would come of my being visible.
However, after about 11 months, I got into another fight with a guard, and, being past 16 now, got Phase 2 time added to my sentence. I was transferred to Metro Toronto West Detention Centre.
The guards here were completely unsympathetic to my situation. They took away my binding, claiming I would use it as a weapon, despite my pleas. Then, caring nothing for the possible consequences, put me into a ward full of Hard-timers. Teenage Gangsta boys, criminals, violent kids with no remorse, who hadn't touched a girl in months, and me looking like a teenage Winona Ryder.
It took 3 days before it happened. I had expected to be beaten up, as a freak, but I never expected what they did to me. I didn't think such things happened in Juvey, only in Adult prisons.
I was in the shower, thinking no one had seen me go in while everyone was distracted by two boys beating a third up. Figuring they'd all be caught up watching the fight, and having not showered yet out of fear of a beating, I snuck in to quickly shower before bed-check.
I wasn't paying attention when my face suddenly impacted the wall. Two white boys were ramming my face into the wall. After a half dozen impacts, I got weak-kneed and dizzy, and there was blood gushing from my right eyebrow. The two boys then held me flat against the wall, while 5 more boys began taking turns with me.
My legs were being held apart, while each boy, (one white, two black, one East Indian and one Asian boy), forced his.... forced his way into my rear end, tearing me open in multiple places. After a few minutes I blacked out, because I don't remember when it ended, or how long it lasted. I just remember the guards shaking me awake in the shower, a stream of blood still trickling from back there to the shower drain.
I asked to go to the hospital but the guards scoffed. They ordered me to dry off and get dressed, and put me in my cell. One of the boys from the shower, the East Indian, was my cellmate, and he repeated the violation every night for 3 months until I got another transfer. I tried to fight him for 4 nights straight, but he'd always beat on me until I couldn't resist. by the 5th night, I just started laying still so it would hurt less, biting my pillow so he wouldn't get the thrill of hearing me scream.
My parents accepted an "out of court" settlement from the prison when I tried to seek legal action. It would better have been called a bribe. The West didn't want it known their staff had such indifference to these kinds of situations, or even that these kinds of situations happened. My parents didn't want their freak child becoming public knowledge. I was forced to sign an agreement absolving The West of all liability. So as soon as I was able, I left home. I no longer communicate with the majority of my family.
18 years later and I still have nightmares. Every single night. I'm a chronic insomniac, and when I do sleep, I sleep during the day, because I'm afraid to sleep in the dark, alone. I've been in counseling for trauma survival for 3 years now, at WAVAW, or Women Against Violence Against Women. The counseling has helped me a lot, but there's still a lot of work to do before I can truly let it go and move on.
It was 6 years before I was able to attempt to be intimate with anyone. It was another 3 before I finally told someone what had happened, and sought counseling.
I have permanent physical reminders of the horror.
My right eyebrow suffered permanent nerve damage, and naturally droops, which is visible enough that I see it every time I look into the mirror.
I cannot have a bowel movement comfortably. My sphincter and anus suffered so much tearing and damage there there is permanent nerve, tissue, and muscle damage. My sphincter cannot stretch much and does not accommodate movements easily, and i frequently suffer from small stress tears called "fissures". I often see red water before I flush, and suffer frequent dizzy spells from the blood loss.
But despite all of this, despite the trauma, the scars, the damage, the nightmares, I survived. I'm still here. They hurt me, they violated me, but I am still here.
I survived, and to other survivors of this horrible violation of a woman's very core, I say this;
We're still alive. They didn't break us. We beat them, because we live. Never forget that we are survivors, and we are stronger than the cowards who hurt us. We have power over our own destinies, not them.
Rape Crisis Resources.
http://www.wavaw.ca/ (Where I got my Counseling, Vancouver BC Canada)
http://www.rapecrisis.org.nz (New Zealand)
www.feminist.org/911/resources.html
http://www.angelfire.com/va3/was/Rape_Crisis_English.html
http://www.aardvarc.org/
http://www.resourcesforwomen.com/rape.htm
Personal Reccomendation; If you live in Vancouver BC Canada, call WAVAW, do not EVER seek help from Vancouver Rape Relief. Unless you look like June Cleaver and were a virgin at the time of rape, these Femisogenyst women will NOT be supportive of you.
For other resources, or local help lines, consult Yahoo Web Search, or Consult your local Telephone directory.
This account may be copied and shared with my express permission. For permission to use this account, please e-mail me at theaerie@shaw.ca
- Penny Sautereau-Fife
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