Fuck you to EVERY SINGLE PERSON laughing at Shia LeBeouf.
Fuck you to EVERY SINGLE PERSON gleefully cackling about how he isn't following the Good Rape Victim Script (™ & ©) of how survivors are "supposed" to behave if they're telling the truth.
Fuck you to Piers Morgan, who was already a shitmaggot to begin with, for all but ordering his millions of followers to not believe Shia and to ridicule him.
Fuck you to all the salivating rape apologists desperate to protect rape culture who are jumping on Shia because they think the SJW's will only cry foul if they attack female survivors who fail to realize that their rape apologism makes them pondscum regardless of the gender/biology of the victim they're shitting on.
Fuck you if you utter any of the following things when discussing Shia's claims;
- "Pfft, men can't be raped"
- "If it REALLY happened he'd have called the police"
- "REAL survivors aren't so calm when discussing it. REAL survivors are weepy and trembly when they talk about it"
- "Oh he's just saying it to get attention, what a drama queen he is"
And most importantly, fuck you, just seriously fuck you right in the ear to high hell, if you just automatically dismiss his claim for ANY reason, because that is perpetuating Rape Culture, and if you willfully perpetuate rape culture I don't want to fucking know you.
I believe Shia LeBeouf. I believe ALL people of ANY gender who are brave enough to step forward in this world that shames and shits on survivors and say out loud "I was raped".
Showing posts with label rape. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rape. Show all posts
9/09/2013
A Musing About Riddick and Rape Culture
Okay, so I've just finished watching Riddick. I'd been warned by friends and seen in various reviews that in the third act of the film Riddick does something that would likely upset me. I watched the movie anyway. And I feel a need to address what I've read and been told versus what I saw.
Spoilers below the jump.
Spoilers below the jump.
10/06/2010
Women Like Me
Crossposted on Pam's House Blend
Women like me are called “it” on the radio, on television, in the news, and by politician wanting to undermine our rights. Just ask Sally Kern's supporters.
We are murdered at a staggering rate. 1 in 8 will be murdered, according to a Harvey Milk institute study. And chances are, 9 times out of 10, no one will cover it except angry trans/is bloggers like me.
Raping us is not yet a crime. Oh sure rape is still technically illegal, but if the victim is a woman like me? Most courts, if it ever even gets to court, dismiss the plaintiffs as deviants who left themselves vulnerable, therefore it's our own fault.
Murdering us is considered justifiable. The victory in Angie Zapata's murder trial was a rupugnantly rare exception where we got justice. The rule is generally "Oh she was a dude? I understand, you're freev to go sir." And that's if it ever reaches trial. Police don't genewrally put much manpower into hunting down some guy who killed another tranny, she was probably a prostitute anyway amirite?
Also generally considered to be perfectly acceptable by society in general are spontaneous public beatings, often by police. Especially in New York where there are at least 3 publicized incidents in the last 10 years of cops standing with a crowd watching and laughing and doing nothing as a transwoman got beaten.
Police often rape us, prior to fabricating charges of soliciting. They know in a their word against ours situation, not even gay and lesbian advocates will believe us over police. Because all trannies are hookers, everyone knows that. We must be, it's not like anyone will give us a real job.
We are openly taunted and demeaned in the media using the most hateful language. If you don't believe me, just Google "Memphis Trans Murders" and see how the media portrays us when we're murdered.
So called “LGBT” activists lie to us to take our meager dollars at fundraisers, then abandon us as beneath them when we need their voices to stand up for us. HRC is a frequent offender, and Joe Solmonese couldn't give a rat's ass about actually including Tran folk. He actively tried to push a trans-exclusive ENDA because he knew them there Gay Fellers would get approval easier if they threw us under the bus. AFTER taking donations from us and promising they'd fight for us of course. LGBT newspapers like Bay Windows and the Washington Blade call for our exclusion from basic rights legislation.
Our unemployment rate is staggeringly high. Even where our kind are supposedly protected from job discrimination, there's always a reason why we're "not right for the job". No employer has to actually say he isn't hiring us because we're trannies, he just has to make up any flimsy excuse and he'll get away with it. I've been passed over because 120 words per minute was "too speedy for office needs".
Because we are often incarcerated in male prisons with exaggerated sentences. I was in juvey for punching a group home worker for calling me a little faggot. I was gang-raped in a shower. The guards denied me medical attention and their reply to my story was "yeah yeah sure queer, back to your cell". That is a verbatim quote as they dragged me back to my cell while my ass was STILL BLEEDING.
Because it is still considered OK to deny us basic medical care, and to excoriate us in the media for seeking it. Just ask the trans woman who in August went to emergency with her wife and daughter because she was coughing up blood and was sniggered at by staff who ignored her id, then had her sanity questioned instead of treated for her illness, then ultimately refused treatment because of her "condition". Not her actual medical condition mind you. They meant her being a "transvestite".
Or as Tyra Hunter found out, to be tortured with naltrexone injections in the last moments of her life, while being taunted for who she was as she lay dying on the pavement, because the EMT found a penis in her panties and refused to touch her afterward. As far as I can find on Google searches, he was never punished.
“Feminists” still call for our exclusion from basic human dignities and protections, such as restrooms and DV shelters, because we're just "men trying to infiltrate female dynamics". (Google "The Transsexual Empire" by Janice Raymond for reference to this crock mentality).
We are effectively barred from attending womens colleges, as well as many women only venues. I personally received 14 death threats by e-mail after I said on my old now-defunct LiveJournal account that I planned to attend the Vancouver Dyke March 6 years ago and speak onstage about tg issues. I was afraid to attend though, as they were so descriptive and specific in their threats. The police of course did nothing.
And finally, because all too many women will ignore this post “because it doesn’t affect them,” or because of their own issues with women like me.
Women like me are standing up and telling the rest of you; We exist. You will not ignore us. You will not pretend we aren't there. You will address us as we live, not by our genitals. You will respect our identities. You will not shrug if someone murders us. You will nott exclude us from equality legislation for the sake of expediance swearing you'll "come back for us, honest".
Women like me, ARE women.
Get used to it. We will not quietly go away, and every new generation of us gets louder and louder.
Women like me are called “it” on the radio, on television, in the news, and by politician wanting to undermine our rights. Just ask Sally Kern's supporters.
We are murdered at a staggering rate. 1 in 8 will be murdered, according to a Harvey Milk institute study. And chances are, 9 times out of 10, no one will cover it except angry trans/is bloggers like me.
Raping us is not yet a crime. Oh sure rape is still technically illegal, but if the victim is a woman like me? Most courts, if it ever even gets to court, dismiss the plaintiffs as deviants who left themselves vulnerable, therefore it's our own fault.
Murdering us is considered justifiable. The victory in Angie Zapata's murder trial was a rupugnantly rare exception where we got justice. The rule is generally "Oh she was a dude? I understand, you're freev to go sir." And that's if it ever reaches trial. Police don't genewrally put much manpower into hunting down some guy who killed another tranny, she was probably a prostitute anyway amirite?
Also generally considered to be perfectly acceptable by society in general are spontaneous public beatings, often by police. Especially in New York where there are at least 3 publicized incidents in the last 10 years of cops standing with a crowd watching and laughing and doing nothing as a transwoman got beaten.
Police often rape us, prior to fabricating charges of soliciting. They know in a their word against ours situation, not even gay and lesbian advocates will believe us over police. Because all trannies are hookers, everyone knows that. We must be, it's not like anyone will give us a real job.
We are openly taunted and demeaned in the media using the most hateful language. If you don't believe me, just Google "Memphis Trans Murders" and see how the media portrays us when we're murdered.
So called “LGBT” activists lie to us to take our meager dollars at fundraisers, then abandon us as beneath them when we need their voices to stand up for us. HRC is a frequent offender, and Joe Solmonese couldn't give a rat's ass about actually including Tran folk. He actively tried to push a trans-exclusive ENDA because he knew them there Gay Fellers would get approval easier if they threw us under the bus. AFTER taking donations from us and promising they'd fight for us of course. LGBT newspapers like Bay Windows and the Washington Blade call for our exclusion from basic rights legislation.
Our unemployment rate is staggeringly high. Even where our kind are supposedly protected from job discrimination, there's always a reason why we're "not right for the job". No employer has to actually say he isn't hiring us because we're trannies, he just has to make up any flimsy excuse and he'll get away with it. I've been passed over because 120 words per minute was "too speedy for office needs".
Because we are often incarcerated in male prisons with exaggerated sentences. I was in juvey for punching a group home worker for calling me a little faggot. I was gang-raped in a shower. The guards denied me medical attention and their reply to my story was "yeah yeah sure queer, back to your cell". That is a verbatim quote as they dragged me back to my cell while my ass was STILL BLEEDING.
Because it is still considered OK to deny us basic medical care, and to excoriate us in the media for seeking it. Just ask the trans woman who in August went to emergency with her wife and daughter because she was coughing up blood and was sniggered at by staff who ignored her id, then had her sanity questioned instead of treated for her illness, then ultimately refused treatment because of her "condition". Not her actual medical condition mind you. They meant her being a "transvestite".
Or as Tyra Hunter found out, to be tortured with naltrexone injections in the last moments of her life, while being taunted for who she was as she lay dying on the pavement, because the EMT found a penis in her panties and refused to touch her afterward. As far as I can find on Google searches, he was never punished.
“Feminists” still call for our exclusion from basic human dignities and protections, such as restrooms and DV shelters, because we're just "men trying to infiltrate female dynamics". (Google "The Transsexual Empire" by Janice Raymond for reference to this crock mentality).
We are effectively barred from attending womens colleges, as well as many women only venues. I personally received 14 death threats by e-mail after I said on my old now-defunct LiveJournal account that I planned to attend the Vancouver Dyke March 6 years ago and speak onstage about tg issues. I was afraid to attend though, as they were so descriptive and specific in their threats. The police of course did nothing.
And finally, because all too many women will ignore this post “because it doesn’t affect them,” or because of their own issues with women like me.
Women like me are standing up and telling the rest of you; We exist. You will not ignore us. You will not pretend we aren't there. You will address us as we live, not by our genitals. You will respect our identities. You will not shrug if someone murders us. You will nott exclude us from equality legislation for the sake of expediance swearing you'll "come back for us, honest".
Women like me, ARE women.
Get used to it. We will not quietly go away, and every new generation of us gets louder and louder.
6/02/2010
My letter to Peter LaBarbera, Coward of God
(I sent this e-mail 3 days ago. I have not as yet received any response. Pro-Rape and Murder Bible passafes researched courtesy of Evil Bible.
*******************
Somehow Peter, based on your words and your behavior, your underhanded tactics and your one-note defense of those tactics "LALA I can't hear your facts because I';m doing what GOD wants!), I seriously doubt that you've ever actually sat down and thoroughly read the entire Bible. Like all rightwing (not really a) Christian bullies, you constantly parrot a handful of carefully selected quotes you can easily misconstrue while ignoring SO much more you'd never DARE try to justify in today's world, championing a message God never offered to defend deplorable dishonest behavior.
I however, have read the Bible in it's entirity, repeatedly, because unlike you and the fearful naive sheep you prey on with your lies, I prefer to actually educate myself on these matters so I know whereof I speak.
So let me educate you Peter, though I know you lack the moral conviction and courage to hear what I tell you and will very likely reply with smug holier than thou condemnations and your usual twisting of truth into conveniant lies and carefully evading any direct questions by answering questions YOU ask yourself so you never have to honestly answer questions that you know an honest answer to will shoot you in the foot.
So let's learn shall we?
There are 73 books in the Catholic Bible, old and new Testament. Of those 73 books, only 14 contain the actual words of Jesus Christ, and only 7 claim to contain words directly spoken by god.
Of the 14 that pertain directly to Jesus, 12 of those relate the exact same story as told by different people with different points of view.
In NONE of the 14 books of Jesus speaking or the 7 claiming the direct words of God is there ANYTHING that condemns homosexuality. There are in fact only two instances when God or Jesus mention homosexuality at all. Let's first tackle God's only mention.
Sodom was not destroyed because it's inhabitants practised homosexuality. It was destroyed because they were RAPISTS. Bad hosts in a desert city, raping any travellers that passed through, male, female and child alike. That people like you choose erroneously to focus on only the man on man rape is one of the biggest lies your ilk purport. The actual story of Lot makes it very clear that the rapoes the sodomites commited were about power and cruelty, and that when they raped men it had nothing to do with any same-sex attraction but their desire to humiliate their victims by rendering them useless into a woman's role as a man's sexual property. The story makes it VERY clear that the RAPE was what God abhorred, and that the victims of that rape were indiscriminate. Women and children were also raped, but people like you go out of your way to ignore this fact and try falsely to paint it as a story specifically condemning homosexuality when it is nothing of the sort. Why? Because if you acknowledge that it was RAPE God condemned, you give up some of your male privilege by having to acknowledge publicly that God did NOT intend for women to belong to men quite so implicitly, and that women do indeed have a God-Given RIGHT to reject a man's unwanted advances.
Now, let's look at Jesus. Jesus taught social justice, tolerance, acceptance. He taught that it was NOT for man to judge his fellow man, only for God. Another fact you conveniently forget in your hubris of claiming to do God's work. And the only time Jesus ever touched on homosexuality was when his disciple Paul thrice brought it up. Paul, much like many people suspect you to be, was a misogynistic self-hating homosexual. His writings frequently dismiss women as inferior while he laments the thorn in his heart. Three times he asked Jesus to remove the thorn, and always Jesus refused him, because there was nothing wrong with Paul living exactly as God had made him.
Yes Pete, that's JESUS CHRIST his damn self saying "God MADE Paul Gay and there is no sin in it". And Paul refused to accept the word of his Lord and lived a lonely miserable and bitter life, attacking others for his own flaws and treating women like the floor he walked upon.
Now, let'sexamine the other major Bible quote you and your type just love to beat into the ground. That nasty little Leviticus quote.
First of all, let's look at the English language. In the 1500's when the Bible was first translated into English, the words Lie and Lay were NOT interchangable as they have become today. Lay meant only to lay down, and Lie meant only to be dishonest. This is a VERY important distinction because if you know this INDISPUTABLE fact of language, (Lie did not come to have it's double meaning until early in the 20th century, beginning in the Depression with the garbled slang of the uneducated poor), then the meaning of the quote you bleat so much is changed entirely.
Keeping also in mind that King Leviticus was clearly a bitter obsessive misogynest who like so many writers of the Bible believed women were not even people and existed to be the sexual property of men at men's whim, the quote,
"Thou shall not lie with man as thou lie with women, for it is an abomination",
A quote that you insist is a condemnation of gay men, has nothing at all to do with gayness or sex. It's about dishonesty. It's the Bible's version of "Bros before hos dude!". The quote means simply since women are just property, lie to them all you like, but never to your fellow man.
Oh and one final very important note about King Leviticus; He was just a man, and never claimed to be speaking for God. He just lied and claimed to personally know what God supposedly told Moses so his people would fear him and obey. The laws and rules Leviticus spoke oif were his own, NOT God's. God clearly never wished for woman to be subjugated by men.
On to lesbians. Never mentioned once. Anywhere. NOT ONE SINGLE MENTION. Therefore God has no opinion about us at all. And as for Trans folk? Your own Namesake Peter. The APOSTLE Peter. He speaks of eunichs who act as if women and he does so with kindness and compassion. Such a pity you're too much the shallow bullying coward to live up to the sainted apostle for whom you were named.
Oh, one last lesson. Your "Sanctity of Marriage" crap? Not according to the Bible.
Mary and Joseph were not married.
Joseph of the coat of many colors had 4 wives, only one of whom he had any actual intimate feelings for.
King Solomon bedded his two own daughters.
Marriage in the Bible is frequently depicted as a business arrangement, and many loving couples in the Bible were not in fact married. The sanctity of marriage is something the Church made up in direct contrast to the Bible to give men a greater hold over their wives.
What's next? Ah yes. Why don't you ever talk about other things the Bible commands? Such as a father's right to sell his daughter into sexual slavery? Or stone your neighbor to death if he works on the Sabbath? Or how wearing clothing made of any MIXED FABRICS is a greivous sin? I've seen some of the cheap suits you wear Petey, you're certainly guilty of THAT one.
In closing, let me give you a few Bible Verses you ought to go read RIGHT NOW. If you claim to truly be a God-Fearing Christian, go and read what the BIBLE condones, and then tell me how much of it you really want to believe is God's idea.
Bible condoned RAPE.
Murder, rape, and pillage at Jabesh-gilead (Judges 21:10-24 NLT)
Murder, rape and pillage of the Midianites (Numbers 31:7-18 NLT)
More Murder Rape and Pillage (Deuteronomy 20:10-14)
Laws of Rape (Deuteronomy 22:28-29 NLT)
Death to the Rape Victim (Deuteronomy 22:23-24 NAB)
David's Punishment - Polygamy, Rape, Baby Killing, and God's "Forgiveness" (2 Samuel 12:11-14 NAB)
Rape of Female Captives (Deuteronomy 21:10-14 NAB)
(Notice a running theme here being that all these writers are claiming that these deplorable acts are God's wishes. Funny how you never bring up THESE kinds of Bible passages so clearly pro-rape/slavery/theft/murder, but always cite quotes that I've proven have NOTHING to do with what you think they do)
Rape and the Spoils of War (Judges 5:30 NAB)
God Assists Rape and Plunder (Zechariah 14:1-2 NAB)
God-Approved Murder (At least according to the Bible)
Kill People Who Don't Listen to Priests Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the judge or of the priest who represents the LORD your God must be put to death. Such evil must be purged from Israel. (Deuteronomy 17:12 NLT)
Kill Witches You should not let a sorceress live. (Exodus 22:17 NAB)
Kill Fortunetellers A man or a woman who acts as a medium or fortuneteller shall be put to death by stoning; they have no one but themselves to blame for their death. (Leviticus 20:27 NAB)
Death for Hitting Dad Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to death. (Exodus 21:15 NAB)
Death for Cursing Parents 1) If one curses his father or mother, his lamp will go out at the coming of darkness. (Proverbs 20:20 NAB)
2) All who curse their father or mother must be put to death. They are guilty of a capital offense. (Leviticus 20:9 NLT)
Death for Adultery If a man commits adultery with another man's wife, both the man and the woman must be put to death. (Leviticus 20:10 NLT)
Death for Fornication A priest's daughter who loses her honor by committing fornication and thereby dishonors her father also, shall be burned to death. (Leviticus 21:9 NAB)
Death to Followers of Other Religions Whoever sacrifices to any god, except the Lord alone, shall be doomed. (Exodus 22:19 NAB)
Kill Nonbelievers They entered into a covenant to seek the Lord, the God of their fathers, with all their heart and soul; and everyone who would not seek the Lord, the God of Israel, was to be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman. (2 Chronicles 15:12-13 NAB)
Kill False Prophets If a man still prophesies, his parents, father and mother, shall say to him, "You shall not live, because you have spoken a lie in the name of the Lord." When he prophesies, his parents, father and mother, shall thrust him through. (Zechariah 13:3 NAB)
Kill the Entire Town if One Person Worships Another God Suppose you hear in one of the towns the LORD your God is giving you that some worthless rabble among you have led their fellow citizens astray by encouraging them to worship foreign gods. In such cases, you must examine the facts carefully. If you find it is true and can prove that such a detestable act has occurred among you, you must attack that town and completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock. Then you must pile all the plunder in the middle of the street and burn it. Put the entire town to the torch as a burnt offering to the LORD your God. That town must remain a ruin forever; it may never be rebuilt. Keep none of the plunder that has been set apart for destruction. Then the LORD will turn from his fierce anger and be merciful to you. He will have compassion on you and make you a great nation, just as he solemnly promised your ancestors. "The LORD your God will be merciful only if you obey him and keep all the commands I am giving you today, doing what is pleasing to him." (Deuteronomy 13:13-19 NLT)
Kill Women Who Are Not Virgins On Their Wedding Night But if this charge is true (that she wasn't a virgin on her wedding night), and evidence of the girls virginity is not found, they shall bring the girl to the entrance of her fathers house and there her townsman shall stone her to death, because she committed a crime against Israel by her unchasteness in her father's house. Thus shall you purge the evil from your midst. (Deuteronomy 22:20-21 NAB)
Kill Followers of Other Religions. 1) If your own full brother, or your son or daughter, or your beloved wife, or you intimate friend, entices you secretly to serve other gods, whom you and your fathers have not known, gods of any other nations, near at hand or far away, from one end of the earth to the other: do not yield to him or listen to him, nor look with pity upon him, to spare or shield him, but kill him. Your hand shall be the first raised to slay him; the rest of the people shall join in with you. You shall stone him to death, because he sought to lead you astray from the Lord, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that place of slavery. And all Israel, hearing of this, shall fear and never do such evil as this in your midst. (Deuteronomy 13:7-12 NAB)
2) Suppose a man or woman among you, in one of your towns that the LORD your God is giving you, has done evil in the sight of the LORD your God and has violated the covenant by serving other gods or by worshiping the sun, the moon, or any of the forces of heaven, which I have strictly forbidden. When you hear about it, investigate the matter thoroughly. If it is true that this detestable thing has been done in Israel, then that man or woman must be taken to the gates of the town and stoned to death. (Deuteronomy 17:2-5 NLT)
Death for Blasphemy One day a man who had an Israelite mother and an Egyptian father got into a fight with one of the Israelite men. During the fight, this son of an Israelite woman blasphemed the LORD's name. So the man was brought to Moses for judgment. His mother's name was Shelomith. She was the daughter of Dibri of the tribe of Dan. They put the man in custody until the LORD's will in the matter should become clear. Then the LORD said to Moses, "Take the blasphemer outside the camp, and tell all those who heard him to lay their hands on his head. Then let the entire community stone him to death. Say to the people of Israel: Those who blaspheme God will suffer the consequences of their guilt and be punished. Anyone who blasphemes the LORD's name must be stoned to death by the whole community of Israel. Any Israelite or foreigner among you who blasphemes the LORD's name will surely die. (Leviticus 24:10-16 NLT)
Kill False Prophets 1) Suppose there are prophets among you, or those who have dreams about the future, and they promise you signs or miracles, and the predicted signs or miracles take place. If the prophets then say, 'Come, let us worship the gods of foreign nations,' do not listen to them. The LORD your God is testing you to see if you love him with all your heart and soul. Serve only the LORD your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him. The false prophets or dreamers who try to lead you astray must be put to death, for they encourage rebellion against the LORD your God, who brought you out of slavery in the land of Egypt. Since they try to keep you from following the LORD your God, you must execute them to remove the evil from among you. (Deuteronomy 13:1-5 NLT)2) But any prophet who claims to give a message from another god or who falsely claims to speak for me must die.' You may wonder, 'How will we know whether the prophecy is from the LORD or not?' If the prophet predicts something in the LORD's name and it does not happen, the LORD did not give the message. That prophet has spoken on his own and need not be feared. (Deuteronomy 18:20-22 NLT) (Hey! That one applies to folks like you who swore the earth would swallow us whole should Gay marriage ever be condoned. Funny, still waiting on that one.)
Kill Anyone who Approaches the Tabernacle For the LORD had said to Moses, 'Exempt the tribe of Levi from the census; do not include them when you count the rest of the Israelites. You must put the Levites in charge of the Tabernacle of the Covenant, along with its furnishings and equipment. They must carry the Tabernacle and its equipment as you travel, and they must care for it and camp around it. Whenever the Tabernacle is moved, the Levites will take it down and set it up again. Anyone else who goes too near the Tabernacle will be executed.' (Numbers 1:48-51 NLT)
Kill People for Working on the Sabbath The LORD then gave these further instructions to Moses: 'Tell the people of Israel to keep my Sabbath day, for the Sabbath is a sign of the covenant between me and you forever. It helps you to remember that I am the LORD, who makes you holy. Yes, keep the Sabbath day, for it is holy. Anyone who desecrates it must die; anyone who works on that day will be cut off from the community. Work six days only, but the seventh day must be a day of total rest. I repeat: Because the LORD considers it a holy day, anyone who works on the Sabbath must be put to death.' (Exodus 31:12-15 NLT)
Funny how many of those murder rules are from Leviticus. And yet you harp on the lie quote ceaselessly. Why do you NEVER discuss all his other decrees? I know why. Because if you truly believed this was GOD'S word, you know you yourself would be worthy of death in God's eyes, as there is NO way you haven't committed at least one of these sins. This above all else proves what a cowardly hypocrite you truly are. You are likely gay and hate it, so you attack other gays falsely in the name of God by using blatant lies and distortions to convince foolish people too afraid to read for themselves to send you money. You sir, are a thief, a liar, a blasphemer, and are most certainly garaunteed a place in the lake of fire for your deplorable misdeeds.
Homosexuality is not condemned by God or Christ but by small fearful cowardly misogynist men like you. It exists in Nature, not just in humans, but in thousands of species, as a population control tool.
I of course, based on your history, fully expect you to either ignore my letter completely, or respond by ignoring any point you cannot argue away and instead insisting my being a lesbian ssomehow automatically negates all these TRUTHS I've offered you because I'm somehow rejecting God. You will blatantly ignore every fact and Bible truth that undermines your hateful position as if they don't exist, and repeat at me your tired nonsense drawn from things that actually DON'T exist.
I dare you to surprise me Peter. Instead of doing as I predict you will, show me there's some trace of intelligence and honesty in that shrivelled hateful black hole you call a soul. Tell me you realize your mistakes and admit openly to all the lies and distortions you spread in God's name falsely.
But you won't, because God is not with you, and you will be as predictable as always and prove your worthlessness in God's eyes by insisting truth and facts are wrong and your lies and distortions are God's wishes and never directly addressing your crimes.
*******************
Somehow Peter, based on your words and your behavior, your underhanded tactics and your one-note defense of those tactics "LALA I can't hear your facts because I';m doing what GOD wants!), I seriously doubt that you've ever actually sat down and thoroughly read the entire Bible. Like all rightwing (not really a) Christian bullies, you constantly parrot a handful of carefully selected quotes you can easily misconstrue while ignoring SO much more you'd never DARE try to justify in today's world, championing a message God never offered to defend deplorable dishonest behavior.
I however, have read the Bible in it's entirity, repeatedly, because unlike you and the fearful naive sheep you prey on with your lies, I prefer to actually educate myself on these matters so I know whereof I speak.
So let me educate you Peter, though I know you lack the moral conviction and courage to hear what I tell you and will very likely reply with smug holier than thou condemnations and your usual twisting of truth into conveniant lies and carefully evading any direct questions by answering questions YOU ask yourself so you never have to honestly answer questions that you know an honest answer to will shoot you in the foot.
So let's learn shall we?
There are 73 books in the Catholic Bible, old and new Testament. Of those 73 books, only 14 contain the actual words of Jesus Christ, and only 7 claim to contain words directly spoken by god.
Of the 14 that pertain directly to Jesus, 12 of those relate the exact same story as told by different people with different points of view.
In NONE of the 14 books of Jesus speaking or the 7 claiming the direct words of God is there ANYTHING that condemns homosexuality. There are in fact only two instances when God or Jesus mention homosexuality at all. Let's first tackle God's only mention.
Sodom was not destroyed because it's inhabitants practised homosexuality. It was destroyed because they were RAPISTS. Bad hosts in a desert city, raping any travellers that passed through, male, female and child alike. That people like you choose erroneously to focus on only the man on man rape is one of the biggest lies your ilk purport. The actual story of Lot makes it very clear that the rapoes the sodomites commited were about power and cruelty, and that when they raped men it had nothing to do with any same-sex attraction but their desire to humiliate their victims by rendering them useless into a woman's role as a man's sexual property. The story makes it VERY clear that the RAPE was what God abhorred, and that the victims of that rape were indiscriminate. Women and children were also raped, but people like you go out of your way to ignore this fact and try falsely to paint it as a story specifically condemning homosexuality when it is nothing of the sort. Why? Because if you acknowledge that it was RAPE God condemned, you give up some of your male privilege by having to acknowledge publicly that God did NOT intend for women to belong to men quite so implicitly, and that women do indeed have a God-Given RIGHT to reject a man's unwanted advances.
Now, let's look at Jesus. Jesus taught social justice, tolerance, acceptance. He taught that it was NOT for man to judge his fellow man, only for God. Another fact you conveniently forget in your hubris of claiming to do God's work. And the only time Jesus ever touched on homosexuality was when his disciple Paul thrice brought it up. Paul, much like many people suspect you to be, was a misogynistic self-hating homosexual. His writings frequently dismiss women as inferior while he laments the thorn in his heart. Three times he asked Jesus to remove the thorn, and always Jesus refused him, because there was nothing wrong with Paul living exactly as God had made him.
Yes Pete, that's JESUS CHRIST his damn self saying "God MADE Paul Gay and there is no sin in it". And Paul refused to accept the word of his Lord and lived a lonely miserable and bitter life, attacking others for his own flaws and treating women like the floor he walked upon.
Now, let'sexamine the other major Bible quote you and your type just love to beat into the ground. That nasty little Leviticus quote.
First of all, let's look at the English language. In the 1500's when the Bible was first translated into English, the words Lie and Lay were NOT interchangable as they have become today. Lay meant only to lay down, and Lie meant only to be dishonest. This is a VERY important distinction because if you know this INDISPUTABLE fact of language, (Lie did not come to have it's double meaning until early in the 20th century, beginning in the Depression with the garbled slang of the uneducated poor), then the meaning of the quote you bleat so much is changed entirely.
Keeping also in mind that King Leviticus was clearly a bitter obsessive misogynest who like so many writers of the Bible believed women were not even people and existed to be the sexual property of men at men's whim, the quote,
"Thou shall not lie with man as thou lie with women, for it is an abomination",
A quote that you insist is a condemnation of gay men, has nothing at all to do with gayness or sex. It's about dishonesty. It's the Bible's version of "Bros before hos dude!". The quote means simply since women are just property, lie to them all you like, but never to your fellow man.
Oh and one final very important note about King Leviticus; He was just a man, and never claimed to be speaking for God. He just lied and claimed to personally know what God supposedly told Moses so his people would fear him and obey. The laws and rules Leviticus spoke oif were his own, NOT God's. God clearly never wished for woman to be subjugated by men.
On to lesbians. Never mentioned once. Anywhere. NOT ONE SINGLE MENTION. Therefore God has no opinion about us at all. And as for Trans folk? Your own Namesake Peter. The APOSTLE Peter. He speaks of eunichs who act as if women and he does so with kindness and compassion. Such a pity you're too much the shallow bullying coward to live up to the sainted apostle for whom you were named.
Oh, one last lesson. Your "Sanctity of Marriage" crap? Not according to the Bible.
Mary and Joseph were not married.
Joseph of the coat of many colors had 4 wives, only one of whom he had any actual intimate feelings for.
King Solomon bedded his two own daughters.
Marriage in the Bible is frequently depicted as a business arrangement, and many loving couples in the Bible were not in fact married. The sanctity of marriage is something the Church made up in direct contrast to the Bible to give men a greater hold over their wives.
What's next? Ah yes. Why don't you ever talk about other things the Bible commands? Such as a father's right to sell his daughter into sexual slavery? Or stone your neighbor to death if he works on the Sabbath? Or how wearing clothing made of any MIXED FABRICS is a greivous sin? I've seen some of the cheap suits you wear Petey, you're certainly guilty of THAT one.
In closing, let me give you a few Bible Verses you ought to go read RIGHT NOW. If you claim to truly be a God-Fearing Christian, go and read what the BIBLE condones, and then tell me how much of it you really want to believe is God's idea.
Bible condoned RAPE.
Murder, rape, and pillage at Jabesh-gilead (Judges 21:10-24 NLT)
Murder, rape and pillage of the Midianites (Numbers 31:7-18 NLT)
More Murder Rape and Pillage (Deuteronomy 20:10-14)
Laws of Rape (Deuteronomy 22:28-29 NLT)
Death to the Rape Victim (Deuteronomy 22:23-24 NAB)
David's Punishment - Polygamy, Rape, Baby Killing, and God's "Forgiveness" (2 Samuel 12:11-14 NAB)
Rape of Female Captives (Deuteronomy 21:10-14 NAB)
(Notice a running theme here being that all these writers are claiming that these deplorable acts are God's wishes. Funny how you never bring up THESE kinds of Bible passages so clearly pro-rape/slavery/theft/murder, but always cite quotes that I've proven have NOTHING to do with what you think they do)
Rape and the Spoils of War (Judges 5:30 NAB)
God Assists Rape and Plunder (Zechariah 14:1-2 NAB)
God-Approved Murder (At least according to the Bible)
Kill People Who Don't Listen to Priests Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the judge or of the priest who represents the LORD your God must be put to death. Such evil must be purged from Israel. (Deuteronomy 17:12 NLT)
Kill Witches You should not let a sorceress live. (Exodus 22:17 NAB)
Kill Fortunetellers A man or a woman who acts as a medium or fortuneteller shall be put to death by stoning; they have no one but themselves to blame for their death. (Leviticus 20:27 NAB)
Death for Hitting Dad Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to death. (Exodus 21:15 NAB)
Death for Cursing Parents 1) If one curses his father or mother, his lamp will go out at the coming of darkness. (Proverbs 20:20 NAB)
2) All who curse their father or mother must be put to death. They are guilty of a capital offense. (Leviticus 20:9 NLT)
Death for Adultery If a man commits adultery with another man's wife, both the man and the woman must be put to death. (Leviticus 20:10 NLT)
Death for Fornication A priest's daughter who loses her honor by committing fornication and thereby dishonors her father also, shall be burned to death. (Leviticus 21:9 NAB)
Death to Followers of Other Religions Whoever sacrifices to any god, except the Lord alone, shall be doomed. (Exodus 22:19 NAB)
Kill Nonbelievers They entered into a covenant to seek the Lord, the God of their fathers, with all their heart and soul; and everyone who would not seek the Lord, the God of Israel, was to be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman. (2 Chronicles 15:12-13 NAB)
Kill False Prophets If a man still prophesies, his parents, father and mother, shall say to him, "You shall not live, because you have spoken a lie in the name of the Lord." When he prophesies, his parents, father and mother, shall thrust him through. (Zechariah 13:3 NAB)
Kill the Entire Town if One Person Worships Another God Suppose you hear in one of the towns the LORD your God is giving you that some worthless rabble among you have led their fellow citizens astray by encouraging them to worship foreign gods. In such cases, you must examine the facts carefully. If you find it is true and can prove that such a detestable act has occurred among you, you must attack that town and completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock. Then you must pile all the plunder in the middle of the street and burn it. Put the entire town to the torch as a burnt offering to the LORD your God. That town must remain a ruin forever; it may never be rebuilt. Keep none of the plunder that has been set apart for destruction. Then the LORD will turn from his fierce anger and be merciful to you. He will have compassion on you and make you a great nation, just as he solemnly promised your ancestors. "The LORD your God will be merciful only if you obey him and keep all the commands I am giving you today, doing what is pleasing to him." (Deuteronomy 13:13-19 NLT)
Kill Women Who Are Not Virgins On Their Wedding Night But if this charge is true (that she wasn't a virgin on her wedding night), and evidence of the girls virginity is not found, they shall bring the girl to the entrance of her fathers house and there her townsman shall stone her to death, because she committed a crime against Israel by her unchasteness in her father's house. Thus shall you purge the evil from your midst. (Deuteronomy 22:20-21 NAB)
Kill Followers of Other Religions. 1) If your own full brother, or your son or daughter, or your beloved wife, or you intimate friend, entices you secretly to serve other gods, whom you and your fathers have not known, gods of any other nations, near at hand or far away, from one end of the earth to the other: do not yield to him or listen to him, nor look with pity upon him, to spare or shield him, but kill him. Your hand shall be the first raised to slay him; the rest of the people shall join in with you. You shall stone him to death, because he sought to lead you astray from the Lord, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that place of slavery. And all Israel, hearing of this, shall fear and never do such evil as this in your midst. (Deuteronomy 13:7-12 NAB)
2) Suppose a man or woman among you, in one of your towns that the LORD your God is giving you, has done evil in the sight of the LORD your God and has violated the covenant by serving other gods or by worshiping the sun, the moon, or any of the forces of heaven, which I have strictly forbidden. When you hear about it, investigate the matter thoroughly. If it is true that this detestable thing has been done in Israel, then that man or woman must be taken to the gates of the town and stoned to death. (Deuteronomy 17:2-5 NLT)
Death for Blasphemy One day a man who had an Israelite mother and an Egyptian father got into a fight with one of the Israelite men. During the fight, this son of an Israelite woman blasphemed the LORD's name. So the man was brought to Moses for judgment. His mother's name was Shelomith. She was the daughter of Dibri of the tribe of Dan. They put the man in custody until the LORD's will in the matter should become clear. Then the LORD said to Moses, "Take the blasphemer outside the camp, and tell all those who heard him to lay their hands on his head. Then let the entire community stone him to death. Say to the people of Israel: Those who blaspheme God will suffer the consequences of their guilt and be punished. Anyone who blasphemes the LORD's name must be stoned to death by the whole community of Israel. Any Israelite or foreigner among you who blasphemes the LORD's name will surely die. (Leviticus 24:10-16 NLT)
Kill False Prophets 1) Suppose there are prophets among you, or those who have dreams about the future, and they promise you signs or miracles, and the predicted signs or miracles take place. If the prophets then say, 'Come, let us worship the gods of foreign nations,' do not listen to them. The LORD your God is testing you to see if you love him with all your heart and soul. Serve only the LORD your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him. The false prophets or dreamers who try to lead you astray must be put to death, for they encourage rebellion against the LORD your God, who brought you out of slavery in the land of Egypt. Since they try to keep you from following the LORD your God, you must execute them to remove the evil from among you. (Deuteronomy 13:1-5 NLT)2) But any prophet who claims to give a message from another god or who falsely claims to speak for me must die.' You may wonder, 'How will we know whether the prophecy is from the LORD or not?' If the prophet predicts something in the LORD's name and it does not happen, the LORD did not give the message. That prophet has spoken on his own and need not be feared. (Deuteronomy 18:20-22 NLT) (Hey! That one applies to folks like you who swore the earth would swallow us whole should Gay marriage ever be condoned. Funny, still waiting on that one.)
Kill Anyone who Approaches the Tabernacle For the LORD had said to Moses, 'Exempt the tribe of Levi from the census; do not include them when you count the rest of the Israelites. You must put the Levites in charge of the Tabernacle of the Covenant, along with its furnishings and equipment. They must carry the Tabernacle and its equipment as you travel, and they must care for it and camp around it. Whenever the Tabernacle is moved, the Levites will take it down and set it up again. Anyone else who goes too near the Tabernacle will be executed.' (Numbers 1:48-51 NLT)
Kill People for Working on the Sabbath The LORD then gave these further instructions to Moses: 'Tell the people of Israel to keep my Sabbath day, for the Sabbath is a sign of the covenant between me and you forever. It helps you to remember that I am the LORD, who makes you holy. Yes, keep the Sabbath day, for it is holy. Anyone who desecrates it must die; anyone who works on that day will be cut off from the community. Work six days only, but the seventh day must be a day of total rest. I repeat: Because the LORD considers it a holy day, anyone who works on the Sabbath must be put to death.' (Exodus 31:12-15 NLT)
Funny how many of those murder rules are from Leviticus. And yet you harp on the lie quote ceaselessly. Why do you NEVER discuss all his other decrees? I know why. Because if you truly believed this was GOD'S word, you know you yourself would be worthy of death in God's eyes, as there is NO way you haven't committed at least one of these sins. This above all else proves what a cowardly hypocrite you truly are. You are likely gay and hate it, so you attack other gays falsely in the name of God by using blatant lies and distortions to convince foolish people too afraid to read for themselves to send you money. You sir, are a thief, a liar, a blasphemer, and are most certainly garaunteed a place in the lake of fire for your deplorable misdeeds.
Homosexuality is not condemned by God or Christ but by small fearful cowardly misogynist men like you. It exists in Nature, not just in humans, but in thousands of species, as a population control tool.
I of course, based on your history, fully expect you to either ignore my letter completely, or respond by ignoring any point you cannot argue away and instead insisting my being a lesbian ssomehow automatically negates all these TRUTHS I've offered you because I'm somehow rejecting God. You will blatantly ignore every fact and Bible truth that undermines your hateful position as if they don't exist, and repeat at me your tired nonsense drawn from things that actually DON'T exist.
I dare you to surprise me Peter. Instead of doing as I predict you will, show me there's some trace of intelligence and honesty in that shrivelled hateful black hole you call a soul. Tell me you realize your mistakes and admit openly to all the lies and distortions you spread in God's name falsely.
But you won't, because God is not with you, and you will be as predictable as always and prove your worthlessness in God's eyes by insisting truth and facts are wrong and your lies and distortions are God's wishes and never directly addressing your crimes.
9/03/2009
Sharing My Survival.
Content warning; This account contains very graphic descriptions of sexual assault. If you have been assaulted, it could be triggering. I wrote it at my Rape Counselor's suggestion as a method of purging it, and share it in the hopes that it may somehow help other survivors of sexual trauma not feel alone.
Read at your own discretion.
***************************************
The Rapes.
When I was in my teens, I had severe anger management issues. After years of abuse from my parents, who at best were indifferent to me, and at worst, would harshly yell, berate, and/or smack me around if I tried to discuss my feelings of being a girl, and of getting beaten up at school for being different, I reached a point where I was so bitter and angry that I had no control over my temper, and would fly off the handle at often minimal irritations.
At age 15, my parents put me into a Group Home, Megan House, in Scarborough Ontario. The staff there were unsympathetic and ineffectual, blaming my anger on things that had nothing to do with it and ignoring my claims of what really caused it. A week before turning 16, I got into a huge fistfight with a Staff member and was arrested. I was sentenced to a term in Young Offender Detention, or what Americans would call Juvey.
During my teens, I used extra wide Tensor bandages to keep my breasts taped down. I hated hiding them, since I felt they vindicated my belief I was a girl, but I also knew if they were visible, I'd get my ass kicked. The first few places I was in during my sentence, I was allowed to keep the binding because the staff of those places didn't want to deal with the inevitable crap that would come of my being visible.
However, after about 11 months, I got into another fight with a guard, and, being past 16 now, got Phase 2 time added to my sentence. I was transferred to Metro Toronto West Detention Centre.
The guards here were completely unsympathetic to my situation. They took away my binding, claiming I would use it as a weapon, despite my pleas. Then, caring nothing for the possible consequences, put me into a ward full of Hard-timers. Teenage Gangsta boys, criminals, violent kids with no remorse, who hadn't touched a girl in months, and me looking like a teenage Winona Ryder.
It took 3 days before it happened. I had expected to be beaten up, as a freak, but I never expected what they did to me. I didn't think such things happened in Juvey, only in Adult prisons.
I was in the shower, thinking no one had seen me go in while everyone was distracted by two boys beating a third up. Figuring they'd all be caught up watching the fight, and having not showered yet out of fear of a beating, I snuck in to quickly shower before bed-check.
I wasn't paying attention when my face suddenly impacted the wall. Two white boys were ramming my face into the wall. After a half dozen impacts, I got weak-kneed and dizzy, and there was blood gushing from my right eyebrow. The two boys then held me flat against the wall, while 5 more boys began taking turns with me.
My legs were being held apart, while each boy, (one white, two black, one East Indian and one Asian boy), forced his.... forced his way into my rear end, tearing me open in multiple places. After a few minutes I blacked out, because I don't remember when it ended, or how long it lasted. I just remember the guards shaking me awake in the shower, a stream of blood still trickling from back there to the shower drain.
I asked to go to the hospital but the guards scoffed. They ordered me to dry off and get dressed, and put me in my cell. One of the boys from the shower, the East Indian, was my cellmate, and he repeated the violation every night for 3 months until I got another transfer. I tried to fight him for 4 nights straight, but he'd always beat on me until I couldn't resist. by the 5th night, I just started laying still so it would hurt less, biting my pillow so he wouldn't get the thrill of hearing me scream.
My parents accepted an "out of court" settlement from the prison when I tried to seek legal action. It would better have been called a bribe. The West didn't want it known their staff had such indifference to these kinds of situations, or even that these kinds of situations happened. My parents didn't want their freak child becoming public knowledge. I was forced to sign an agreement absolving The West of all liability. So as soon as I was able, I left home. I no longer communicate with the majority of my family.
18 years later and I still have nightmares. Every single night. I'm a chronic insomniac, and when I do sleep, I sleep during the day, because I'm afraid to sleep in the dark, alone. I've been in counseling for trauma survival for 3 years now, at WAVAW, or Women Against Violence Against Women. The counseling has helped me a lot, but there's still a lot of work to do before I can truly let it go and move on.
It was 6 years before I was able to attempt to be intimate with anyone. It was another 3 before I finally told someone what had happened, and sought counseling.
I have permanent physical reminders of the horror.
My right eyebrow suffered permanent nerve damage, and naturally droops, which is visible enough that I see it every time I look into the mirror.
I cannot have a bowel movement comfortably. My sphincter and anus suffered so much tearing and damage there there is permanent nerve, tissue, and muscle damage. My sphincter cannot stretch much and does not accommodate movements easily, and i frequently suffer from small stress tears called "fissures". I often see red water before I flush, and suffer frequent dizzy spells from the blood loss.
But despite all of this, despite the trauma, the scars, the damage, the nightmares, I survived. I'm still here. They hurt me, they violated me, but I am still here.
I survived, and to other survivors of this horrible violation of a woman's very core, I say this;
We're still alive. They didn't break us. We beat them, because we live. Never forget that we are survivors, and we are stronger than the cowards who hurt us. We have power over our own destinies, not them.
Rape Crisis Resources.
http://www.wavaw.ca/ (Where I got my Counseling, Vancouver BC Canada)
http://www.rapecrisis.org.nz (New Zealand)
www.feminist.org/911/resources.html
http://www.angelfire.com/va3/was/Rape_Crisis_English.html
http://www.aardvarc.org/
http://www.resourcesforwomen.com/rape.htm
Personal Reccomendation; If you live in Vancouver BC Canada, call WAVAW, do not EVER seek help from Vancouver Rape Relief. Unless you look like June Cleaver and were a virgin at the time of rape, these Femisogenyst women will NOT be supportive of you.
For other resources, or local help lines, consult Yahoo Web Search, or Consult your local Telephone directory.
This account may be copied and shared with my express permission. For permission to use this account, please e-mail me at theaerie@shaw.ca
- Penny Sautereau-Fife
Read at your own discretion.
***************************************
The Rapes.
When I was in my teens, I had severe anger management issues. After years of abuse from my parents, who at best were indifferent to me, and at worst, would harshly yell, berate, and/or smack me around if I tried to discuss my feelings of being a girl, and of getting beaten up at school for being different, I reached a point where I was so bitter and angry that I had no control over my temper, and would fly off the handle at often minimal irritations.
At age 15, my parents put me into a Group Home, Megan House, in Scarborough Ontario. The staff there were unsympathetic and ineffectual, blaming my anger on things that had nothing to do with it and ignoring my claims of what really caused it. A week before turning 16, I got into a huge fistfight with a Staff member and was arrested. I was sentenced to a term in Young Offender Detention, or what Americans would call Juvey.
During my teens, I used extra wide Tensor bandages to keep my breasts taped down. I hated hiding them, since I felt they vindicated my belief I was a girl, but I also knew if they were visible, I'd get my ass kicked. The first few places I was in during my sentence, I was allowed to keep the binding because the staff of those places didn't want to deal with the inevitable crap that would come of my being visible.
However, after about 11 months, I got into another fight with a guard, and, being past 16 now, got Phase 2 time added to my sentence. I was transferred to Metro Toronto West Detention Centre.
The guards here were completely unsympathetic to my situation. They took away my binding, claiming I would use it as a weapon, despite my pleas. Then, caring nothing for the possible consequences, put me into a ward full of Hard-timers. Teenage Gangsta boys, criminals, violent kids with no remorse, who hadn't touched a girl in months, and me looking like a teenage Winona Ryder.
It took 3 days before it happened. I had expected to be beaten up, as a freak, but I never expected what they did to me. I didn't think such things happened in Juvey, only in Adult prisons.
I was in the shower, thinking no one had seen me go in while everyone was distracted by two boys beating a third up. Figuring they'd all be caught up watching the fight, and having not showered yet out of fear of a beating, I snuck in to quickly shower before bed-check.
I wasn't paying attention when my face suddenly impacted the wall. Two white boys were ramming my face into the wall. After a half dozen impacts, I got weak-kneed and dizzy, and there was blood gushing from my right eyebrow. The two boys then held me flat against the wall, while 5 more boys began taking turns with me.
My legs were being held apart, while each boy, (one white, two black, one East Indian and one Asian boy), forced his.... forced his way into my rear end, tearing me open in multiple places. After a few minutes I blacked out, because I don't remember when it ended, or how long it lasted. I just remember the guards shaking me awake in the shower, a stream of blood still trickling from back there to the shower drain.
I asked to go to the hospital but the guards scoffed. They ordered me to dry off and get dressed, and put me in my cell. One of the boys from the shower, the East Indian, was my cellmate, and he repeated the violation every night for 3 months until I got another transfer. I tried to fight him for 4 nights straight, but he'd always beat on me until I couldn't resist. by the 5th night, I just started laying still so it would hurt less, biting my pillow so he wouldn't get the thrill of hearing me scream.
My parents accepted an "out of court" settlement from the prison when I tried to seek legal action. It would better have been called a bribe. The West didn't want it known their staff had such indifference to these kinds of situations, or even that these kinds of situations happened. My parents didn't want their freak child becoming public knowledge. I was forced to sign an agreement absolving The West of all liability. So as soon as I was able, I left home. I no longer communicate with the majority of my family.
18 years later and I still have nightmares. Every single night. I'm a chronic insomniac, and when I do sleep, I sleep during the day, because I'm afraid to sleep in the dark, alone. I've been in counseling for trauma survival for 3 years now, at WAVAW, or Women Against Violence Against Women. The counseling has helped me a lot, but there's still a lot of work to do before I can truly let it go and move on.
It was 6 years before I was able to attempt to be intimate with anyone. It was another 3 before I finally told someone what had happened, and sought counseling.
I have permanent physical reminders of the horror.
My right eyebrow suffered permanent nerve damage, and naturally droops, which is visible enough that I see it every time I look into the mirror.
I cannot have a bowel movement comfortably. My sphincter and anus suffered so much tearing and damage there there is permanent nerve, tissue, and muscle damage. My sphincter cannot stretch much and does not accommodate movements easily, and i frequently suffer from small stress tears called "fissures". I often see red water before I flush, and suffer frequent dizzy spells from the blood loss.
But despite all of this, despite the trauma, the scars, the damage, the nightmares, I survived. I'm still here. They hurt me, they violated me, but I am still here.
I survived, and to other survivors of this horrible violation of a woman's very core, I say this;
We're still alive. They didn't break us. We beat them, because we live. Never forget that we are survivors, and we are stronger than the cowards who hurt us. We have power over our own destinies, not them.
Rape Crisis Resources.
http://www.wavaw.ca/ (Where I got my Counseling, Vancouver BC Canada)
http://www.rapecrisis.org.nz (New Zealand)
www.feminist.org/911/resources.html
http://www.angelfire.com/va3/was/Rape_Crisis_English.html
http://www.aardvarc.org/
http://www.resourcesforwomen.com/rape.htm
Personal Reccomendation; If you live in Vancouver BC Canada, call WAVAW, do not EVER seek help from Vancouver Rape Relief. Unless you look like June Cleaver and were a virgin at the time of rape, these Femisogenyst women will NOT be supportive of you.
For other resources, or local help lines, consult Yahoo Web Search, or Consult your local Telephone directory.
This account may be copied and shared with my express permission. For permission to use this account, please e-mail me at theaerie@shaw.ca
- Penny Sautereau-Fife
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