I've been reading a lot online in blogs of late about various different ideas of feminism, which are as varied and different as the gap between Christianity and Aethism. One thing they all agree on is that a lot of men have a bad habit of making assumptions about what they're allowed to do or say to women.
I've also learned from personal experience that this is doubly so for transwomen. If a man isn't disgusted by me and assuming he has a right to shove me around, he's assuming right off the bat I'm a porn shemale stereotype who will be gratefully receptive to crude advances.
Last month for example a security gaurd took exception to my using the women's washroom at a Safeway, and assumed that he just automatically had the right to call me a faggot and grab my breasts to see if they were real.
Also on several of the social networking sites I'm on for the purpose of making friends, (I'm already married), I get messaged by several jerks in a day who willfully ignore the parts of my profile that read "married", "lesbian" or "NO GODDAMN MEN", and proceed to message me with lewd come-ons or long-winded speeches about how they want to marry me and make a god-fearing woman out of me, completely disrespecting my clearly stated boundaries. Then when I very clearly reiterate my "not interested, they seem genuinely mystified by the very concept that I don't want to jump down their pants.
Cis women know all too well the joys of presumptive sexist men and their skin-crawling charms, but they need to know trans women suffer from the same sleaze. Now I'm not for a moment saying all men are like this, but if you define as a woman, cis and trans alike, there will always be men who honestly believe it's their god-given right to treat us like sexual property, and are incapable of fathoming the idea of us not liking it when they do.
We are all women, and we all have the right to expect to not be treated like meat. The kind of man who will call you a bitch if you say "Not interested" all need to learn that we are not obligated to be their fantasy. We belong only to us, and the only person we have any obligation to is we ourselves.
Showing posts with label privilege. Show all posts
Showing posts with label privilege. Show all posts
9/11/2009
Examining Male Idiocy
We all know men are generally idiots. We know that men have a seemingly instinctive belief that it's their privilege and right to harass, hit on, and paw at women. Male privilege lets men believe women's only reason for existing is to fawn over them and spread their legs at the flash of a smile.
This of course, is not new. Every woman knows this.
Online it's worse. At least in real life, most men realize they have to try to at least appear to be civilized and respectful in public, and save their gropey gropey mindset for private situations in offices or at drunken nightclub outings.
But on the good old interwebs, that "Someone might see me being a douche" safety net goes bye bye. Every day over on MySpace I get around 5 messages a day from single assholes who can't be bothered to read the big uppercase "NO MEN" in my profile and message me proposing marriage or asking for sex outright, and the messages are ALWAYS worded in a way that says they have no doubt in their minds that I'll jump at the chance. And of course, if I rightfully get grumpy at their ignorant come ons, they never apologize for their presumptions, they cuss at me and call me a stuck-up tightass bitch for not wanting them.
Male privilege. It lets them believe that any woman offended by them being rude, pushy, obnoxious, etcetera, is the one who has the problem. After all, we're the women, we exist for their needs, how dare we even consider refusing their charms?
Worse are the ones who DO read the "NO MEN" disclaimer and decide it's not serious. You know, the guy who thinks a lesbian is just a woman who has not yet experienced HIS magical cock, and if she'd just fuck him she'd never munch carpet again. Which is a terribly odd contradiction to how much men WANT to watch women lick pussy. But hey, Men's thinking has never made much sense.
As on example, one such asshat messaged me on Smutvibes some time ago, doing exactly that. He seemed utterly convinced that I only put "NO MEN"in my profile to encourage real men to pursue me and overcome my "defense mechanism".
This is the "About Me" of his profile. I've been kind enough to not include his username or his publicly offered msn address.
"I am real. I like women. I don't like men. I especially don't like men who dress as women, or men who pretend they are women. If I was going to pretend to be anything (and dress up for it) I would pick astronaut, or maybe jet-pilot... a flight suit has GOT to be more awesome than a thong. If you are a "lesbian" who complains in their headline that "men can't read" and "don't add me..." well, I did it because you are probably fake, and it's fun to annoy you. If you are a real woman, and ladies you have to prove it, we can chat and see where it goes. I am funny, smart, sexy, and... did I say funny?"
Okay, let's dissect this stunning example of how damn near every male mind on the internet thinks.
He thinks he's being funny and cute with his quasi-homophobic sexism. His about me shows three clear examples of the male privilege assumptions most men use to justify objectifying and harassing us.
1) "If you are a "lesbian" who complains in their headline that "men can't read" and "don't add me..." well, I did it because you are probably fake,"
- The male assumption that any woman who claims to be a lesbian is probably lying, faking, or hasn't had the right man fuck her yet. Men just can't accept that lesbians really exist. Men remain firmly convinced that there IS no such thing as a woman who is completely and utterly uninterested in them, because they are after all, men, and we as women only exist to meet their needs anyway right?
2) "If you are a real woman, and ladies you have to prove it, we can chat and see where it goes."
- Again, the male presumption is that all the responsibility is on the woman. He absolves himself of responsibility for his harassing behavior messaging women rudely by putting the onus on the woman to prove she's real, ignoring the fact she likely had no interest in him to begin with and thus no obligation to prove anything to him. He also again ignores the lesbian idea, assuming that once these women prove to his satisfaction that they are in fact women, that they will naturally want to hook up with him for being diligent enough to make them prove their validity to him. It's a reverse method of dehumanizing the woman. By demanding that the woman is obligated to prove her identity, he's essentially suggesting she doesn't really have one, and dismissing her identity as invalid.
3) "I am funny, smart, sexy, and... did I say funny?"
- And the icing on the rancid cake, the male shrugs off his behavior thus far by insisting he's rife with attractive charming qualities that the rest of his profile has already proven he sorely lacks. He thinks that his dehumanizing of women, his dismissal of their identity and sexuality, his positioning women to have to be the ones doing all the work to be deemed worthy of his attention, is all just part of his charm and sex appeal. In his mind, none of his bad behavior is wrong, women deserve to be treated as he treats them, and dammit, they should be attracted to and aroused by his misogyny. He also thinks his sexist rhetoric is funny, which exemplifies the male tendency to find amusement in the demeaning of women.
I wish I fully understood what keeps men believing this crap is okay, why they think there's nothing wrong with it, why they think it's their god-given right to do so. I KNOW it's possible for men to be better than that. The (very) small circle of men I fuck are enlightened, intelligent, and respectful, and have never presumed anything with me. That's why I'm so goddamn picky about men. There are so few good ones. But there ARE good ones.
Of course the good ones will often be chastised by all the assholes as not being real men, or not manly enough, etc etc. Apparently all the things about men we despise as women are what men generally believe makes them "real" men.
Pity they're all so wrong. The world's male population is 1% real men, and 99% obnoxious little boys in mens bodies.
This of course, is not new. Every woman knows this.
Online it's worse. At least in real life, most men realize they have to try to at least appear to be civilized and respectful in public, and save their gropey gropey mindset for private situations in offices or at drunken nightclub outings.
But on the good old interwebs, that "Someone might see me being a douche" safety net goes bye bye. Every day over on MySpace I get around 5 messages a day from single assholes who can't be bothered to read the big uppercase "NO MEN" in my profile and message me proposing marriage or asking for sex outright, and the messages are ALWAYS worded in a way that says they have no doubt in their minds that I'll jump at the chance. And of course, if I rightfully get grumpy at their ignorant come ons, they never apologize for their presumptions, they cuss at me and call me a stuck-up tightass bitch for not wanting them.
Male privilege. It lets them believe that any woman offended by them being rude, pushy, obnoxious, etcetera, is the one who has the problem. After all, we're the women, we exist for their needs, how dare we even consider refusing their charms?
Worse are the ones who DO read the "NO MEN" disclaimer and decide it's not serious. You know, the guy who thinks a lesbian is just a woman who has not yet experienced HIS magical cock, and if she'd just fuck him she'd never munch carpet again. Which is a terribly odd contradiction to how much men WANT to watch women lick pussy. But hey, Men's thinking has never made much sense.
As on example, one such asshat messaged me on Smutvibes some time ago, doing exactly that. He seemed utterly convinced that I only put "NO MEN"in my profile to encourage real men to pursue me and overcome my "defense mechanism".
This is the "About Me" of his profile. I've been kind enough to not include his username or his publicly offered msn address.
"I am real. I like women. I don't like men. I especially don't like men who dress as women, or men who pretend they are women. If I was going to pretend to be anything (and dress up for it) I would pick astronaut, or maybe jet-pilot... a flight suit has GOT to be more awesome than a thong. If you are a "lesbian" who complains in their headline that "men can't read" and "don't add me..." well, I did it because you are probably fake, and it's fun to annoy you. If you are a real woman, and ladies you have to prove it, we can chat and see where it goes. I am funny, smart, sexy, and... did I say funny?"
Okay, let's dissect this stunning example of how damn near every male mind on the internet thinks.
He thinks he's being funny and cute with his quasi-homophobic sexism. His about me shows three clear examples of the male privilege assumptions most men use to justify objectifying and harassing us.
1) "If you are a "lesbian" who complains in their headline that "men can't read" and "don't add me..." well, I did it because you are probably fake,"
- The male assumption that any woman who claims to be a lesbian is probably lying, faking, or hasn't had the right man fuck her yet. Men just can't accept that lesbians really exist. Men remain firmly convinced that there IS no such thing as a woman who is completely and utterly uninterested in them, because they are after all, men, and we as women only exist to meet their needs anyway right?
2) "If you are a real woman, and ladies you have to prove it, we can chat and see where it goes."
- Again, the male presumption is that all the responsibility is on the woman. He absolves himself of responsibility for his harassing behavior messaging women rudely by putting the onus on the woman to prove she's real, ignoring the fact she likely had no interest in him to begin with and thus no obligation to prove anything to him. He also again ignores the lesbian idea, assuming that once these women prove to his satisfaction that they are in fact women, that they will naturally want to hook up with him for being diligent enough to make them prove their validity to him. It's a reverse method of dehumanizing the woman. By demanding that the woman is obligated to prove her identity, he's essentially suggesting she doesn't really have one, and dismissing her identity as invalid.
3) "I am funny, smart, sexy, and... did I say funny?"
- And the icing on the rancid cake, the male shrugs off his behavior thus far by insisting he's rife with attractive charming qualities that the rest of his profile has already proven he sorely lacks. He thinks that his dehumanizing of women, his dismissal of their identity and sexuality, his positioning women to have to be the ones doing all the work to be deemed worthy of his attention, is all just part of his charm and sex appeal. In his mind, none of his bad behavior is wrong, women deserve to be treated as he treats them, and dammit, they should be attracted to and aroused by his misogyny. He also thinks his sexist rhetoric is funny, which exemplifies the male tendency to find amusement in the demeaning of women.
I wish I fully understood what keeps men believing this crap is okay, why they think there's nothing wrong with it, why they think it's their god-given right to do so. I KNOW it's possible for men to be better than that. The (very) small circle of men I fuck are enlightened, intelligent, and respectful, and have never presumed anything with me. That's why I'm so goddamn picky about men. There are so few good ones. But there ARE good ones.
Of course the good ones will often be chastised by all the assholes as not being real men, or not manly enough, etc etc. Apparently all the things about men we despise as women are what men generally believe makes them "real" men.
Pity they're all so wrong. The world's male population is 1% real men, and 99% obnoxious little boys in mens bodies.
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